History Funny / CarryOnDoctor

--->'''Charlie''': Should be. They only took him out half an hour ago.

-->'''Dr Tinkle''': No, no. I distinctively remember having it on when I started to sew that... fellow... [[OhCrap Oh, no]]! An' it was an alarm, too...

-->'''Mr. Roper''': What they got you in 'ere for, something nasty?
-->'''Mr. Bigger''': No, not really. Just a ''pain'' in the back. It's a- ''cor, cor, dear!''
-->'''Mr. Roper''': Last bloke in that bed had the same thing.
-->'''Mr. Bigger''': Did 'e?
-->'''Mr. Roper''': Right up to the end.
-->'''Mr. Bigger''': Oh, that's ''cheering''. ({{Beat}}) Ah, I'll say one thing for them - it's a nice warm bed.
-->'''Charlie''': Should be. They only took him out half an hour ago.

-->'''Mr. Barron''': Is this your first?
-->'''Mr. Bigger''': [[FlatWhat Pardon?]]
-->'''Mr. Barron''': Is this your first?
-->'''Mr. Bigger''': First? First what?!
-->'''Mr. Barron''': Baby.

-->'''Mr. Bigger''': What's your trouble?
-->'''Mr. Biddle''': Oh, I 'ad my appendix out.
-->'''Mr. Biddle''': Appendix? Well, what about your leg?
-->'''Mr. Biddle''': Oh, n, that 'appened when I fell off the operating table!

-->'''Matron''': This hospital's not big enough for the both of us, Dr Kilmore.
-->'''Dr Kilmore''': Oh, c'mon, Matron -- [[BigBeautifulWoman you're not that]]... [[OhCrap Oh, I see]]!
* The entire HospitalGurneyScene in which Francis moans and groans in the ambulance van and then [[BlownAcrossTheRoom flies out of the back]].
* The scenes when Francis meets the other patients.
** Mr Barron next door:
-->'''Mr Barron''': ''[weakly]'' Is this your first?
-->'''Francis''': First? First what?!
-->'''Mr Barron''': Baby?
** Ken Biddle:
-->'''Francis''': What's your trouble?
-->'''Ken''': I had my appendix out.
-->'''Francis''': ''[surprised]'' Your appendix? What about your leg? ''[signalling Ken's bandaged foot]''
-->'''Ken''': Oh, that happened when I fell off the operating table! ''[giggles]''
** Charlie:
-->'''Charlie''': What they got you in for?
-->'''Francis''': Oh, nothing. Just a pain in the back.
-->'''Charlie''': Last bloke in that bed had that same problem.
-->'''Francis''': ''[curiously]'' Oh, did he?
-->'''Charlie''': Yeah. Right up to the end.
-->'''Francis''': Oh, that's tearing. ''[snuggles into the sheets]'' Well, I'll give them this, it's a nice warm bed.
-->'''Charlie''': ''[flatly]'' Should be. They only took him out an hour ago.

* Francis getting [[HarmlessElectrocution electrocuted by the x-ray]] and the doctor taking the x-ray [[SkewedPriorities caring about the machine]].
-->'''Doctor in charge''': ''[as Francis falls unconscious]'' Oh dear. There goes another tube.

-->'''Mr Smith''': But won't it hurt?
-->'''Dr Tinkle''': ''[crossly]'' Yes, Mr Smith, and I WANT it to hurt! The next time [[DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything you consider having a LUMP]], you'll think TWICE about it!

-->'''Dr Tinkle''': Wait, where's my watch?
-->'''Other surgeon''': ''[while taking off his surgery clothing]'' You must've taken it off.
-->'''Dr Tinkle''': No, no -- I distinctively remember having it on when I started to... sew that... ''[gasps]'' [[OhCrap Oh, no]]!! It was ALARMED, TOO!
-->''['''Other surgeon''' wrestles his surgery clothing back on aggressively]''
* Francis getting [[ShotInTheAss injected in the ass]] when Kilmore trips over a pillow he threw at him when [[AnnoyingPatient he was being difficult with the staff]]. At least he'll know how much of a pain in the ass he's been with them.
* Charlie trying to smoke discreetly in bed, and the Matron finding smoke billowing out of the covers when she suspiciously raises the bedsheets.
* Seeing the 6'7 muscly Ken Biddle in a dainty nurse's outfit and tiny high heels, and '''not even getting spotted''' by the medicine staff.
* Charlie and Nurse Sandra's first meeting.
-->'''Nurse Sandra''': I'm Nurse May. I was told to report here, Sister.
-->'''Sister Hoggett''': ''[while taking Charlie's blood pressure]'' I'll be with you in a moment.
-->'''Nurse Sandra''': ''[smiles at Charlie]'' Hi!
-->''[[[SomethingElseAlsoRises the blood pressure thermometer explodes]]]''

* Francis getting [[HarmlessElectrocution electrocuted by the x-ray]] and the doctor taking the x-ray caring about the machine.

-->'''Francis''': ''[surprised]'' Your appendix? What about your leg? ''[signalling Ken's bandaged leg]''

* Seeing Mr Barron in prenatal classes with [[UnusuallyUninterestingSight unfazed pregnant women]] is a sight that should be seen to be believed.

* Charlie trying to smoke discreetly in bed, and the Matron finding smoke billowing out of the covers when she suspiciously raises the bedsheets.