History Funny / AbbottAndCostello

* One memorable moment in ''Abbott and Costello go to Mars'' [[NeverTrustATrailer Even if they actually visit Venus instead]] occurs when the boys and two gangsters from Earth try to seduce the [[AmazonianBeauty gorgeous Amazons]] of an [[LadyLand entirely female Venus]]. It works until the Queen reminds her subjects of what their men were ''really'' like -- [[MrFanservice a gang of Greek Gods]] with [[AllMenArePerverts similar morals]]. The women then look disdainfully at Costello and the rest. Lou puffs his chest up, only to [[DeathGlare collapse at a dirty look from one angry Venusian]].

-->''"Ods bodkins! What well did she come out of?"''

* In ''Abbott and Costello Meet Captain Kidd'', the boys get shanghaied by the titular captain (played by Charles Laughton). At one point Kidd threatens Lou with putting him in irons. [[ObfuscatingStupidity Lou asks him]] [[SchmuckBait 'how they work'.]] Kidd obligingly puts the shackles on, and Lou starts [[BullyingADragon giving him grief, even inviting Bud to take part]]. Bud and Lou leave the cabin for a moment. Unfortunately for Lou, Kidd escapes the shackles, but pretends to still be in them. So when Lou returns to the cabin...

* One memorable moment in ''Abbott and Costello go to Mars'' [[NeverTrustATrailer Even if they actually visit Venus instead]] occurs when the boys and two gangsters from Earth try to seduce the [[AmazonianBeauty gorgeous Amazons]] of an [[LadyLand entirely female Venus]]. It works until the Queen reminds her subjects of what their men were ''really'' like -- [[EstrogenBrigadeBait a gang of Greek Gods]] with [[AllMenArePerverts similar morals]]. The women then look disdainfully at Costello and the rest. Lou puffs his chest up, only to [[DeathGlare collapse at a dirty look from one angry Venusian]].

* In ''Abbott and Costello meet [[JekyllAndHyde Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde]]'' Lou gets repeatedly mauled. At one point while trying to break up a brawl at an early Woman's Rights meeting he gets hit on the head by [[BrawnHilda one furious woman]] so hard he is hammered into the ground like a nail. And then later on Lou has a needle full of [[SuperSerum Hyde-juice]] get [[AssShove repeatedly driven into his backside]]... leading to [[SuperpoweredEvilSide Lou becoming a second Hyde]]. He then terrorizes London before being dragged back to the police station, where he bites all the cops and turns THEM into Hydes!

* In ''Abbott and Costello meet Captain Kidd'', the boys get shanghaied by the titular captain (played by Charles Laughton). At one point Kidd threatens Lou with putting him in irons. [[ObfuscatingStupidity Lou asks him]] [[SchmuckBait 'how they work'.]] Kidd obligingly puts the shackles on, and Lou starts [[BullyingADragon giving him grief, even inviting Bud to take part]]. Bud and Lou leave the cabin for a moment. Unfortunately for Lou, Kidd escapes the shackles, but pretends to still be in them. So when Lou returns to the cabin...

* In ''Abbott and Costello meet the Mummy'', at one point Lou gets trapped inside the Mummy's tomb with a gaggle of monsters, including a [[Slurpasaur giant lizard]] ([[SpecialEffectsFailure rather obviously an iguana]]). Lou runs all over the place, panicking as usual. Meanwhile the lizard crawls inside a large chamber. Lou ignorantly follows it inside and shuts the doors. Five seconds later: "HEEEYYYY ABBBOTTTT!" and Lou crashes through the chamber's solid stone walls to escape!

* In ''Abbott and Costello meet the Mummy'', at one point Lou gets trapped inside the Mummy's tomb with a gaggle of monsters, including a giant lizard (rather obviously an iguana). Lou runs all over the place, panicking as usual. Meanwhile the lizard crawls inside a large chamber. Lou ignorantly follows it inside and shuts the doors. Five seconds later: "HEEEYYYY ABBBOTTTT!" and Lou crashes through the chamber's solid stone walls to escape!

* In ''Abbott and Costello meet Captain Kidd'', the boys get shanghaied by the titular captain (played by Charles Laughton). At one point Kidd threatens Lou with putting him in irons. [[ObfuscatingStupidity Lou asks him]] [[SchmuckBait 'how they work'.]] Kidd obligingly puts the shackles on, and Lou starts [[BullyingTheDragon giving him grief, even inviting Bud to take part]]. Bud and Lou leave the cabin for a moment. Unfortunately for Lou, Kidd escapes the shackles, but pretends to still be in them. So when Lou returns to the cabin...

* In ''The Time Of Their Lives'', Lou plays the ghost of an American Revolutionary War tinker falsely accused of treason and [[RewardedAsATraitorDeserves shot dead and tossed down a well for it]]. He eventually meets up with Bud Abbott's character, a New York therapist who [[FlatEarthAtheist doesn't believe in ghosts]] and who is descended from (to say nothing of an exact twin for) a butler who tried to steal Lou's girlfriend when he was alive. Lou [[KarmicJustice gleefully terrorizes the poor fellow]] until the housekeeper walks in. The startled ghost flees after exclaiming:

-->''Lou: "I'm gonna run for my life!"''

-->''Captain Kidd (showing that his hands are free): "WHAT?"

** In the same movie -- ''Little Giant'' -- Lou is promised a job as a vacuum cleaner salesman if he can convince Bud that "7 times 13 is 28". To Bud's disbelief Lou [[InsaneTrollLogic does just that]], leading to Bud hiring him simply so he won't [[GpMadFromTheRevelation have to chance listening to the explanation again]].

* In ''Buck Privates'', Lou winds up clinging to a branch after he [[LiteralCliffhanger falls over a cliff]]. When Bud casually asks him what he's doing in the tree, Lou shouts back, "I sat on it when it was an acorn!"

* In ''Buck Privates'', Lou winds up clinging to a branch after he [[LiteralCliffhanger falls over a cliff]]. When Bud asks him what he's doing in the tree, Lou shouts back, "I sat on it when it was an acorn!"

* In ''Buck Privates, Lou winds up clinging to a branch after he [[LiteralCliffhanger falls over a cliff]]. When Bud asks him what he's doing in the tree, Lou shouts back, "I sat on it when it was an acorn!"

* In [[BuckPrivates]], Lou winds up clinging to a branch during a [[LiteralCliffhanger]]. When Bud asks him what he's doing in the tree, Lou shouts back, "I sat on it when it was an acorn!"

** Also while terrorizing Earth in the rocket ship, they go flying at the Statue of Liberty. Lou shrieks at her to, ''"Duck, lady, duck!"'' She promptly does so, leaving Lou to do a WildTake.

** Lou also ends up inside a wax museum where he gets terrified by dummies of {{CountDracula}} and {{FrankensteinsMonster}}; is almost given heart failure by a walking (wax) head (after accidentally tossing it on top of a cat); and to cap it all off, he gets clobbered by an angry bobby after assuming he's a wax dummy too.

** Earlier in the movie, Abbott and Costello accidentally land in [[TheBigEasy New Orleans]] during Mardi Gras and think that the costumed locals are Martians. [[WhatAnIdiot Because they're just that stupid.]]

* In ''Abbott and Costello meet [[JekyllAndHyde Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde]]'' Lou gets repeatedly mauled. At one point while trying to break up a brawl at an early Woman's Rights meeting he gets hit on the head by [[BrawnHilda one furious woman]] so hard he is hammered into the ground like a nail. And then later on Lou has a needle full of [[SuperSerum Hyde-juice]] get [[AssShove repeatedly driven into his backside]]... leading to [[SuperpoweredEvilSide Lou becoming a second Hyde]]. He then terrorizes London before being dragged back to the police station, where he bites all the cops and turns THEM into Hydes!

-->''Lou: "What did your father do, win ya in a crap game?"''

* From ''Abbott and Costello meet the Killer, Boris Karloff'', asked of a [[MindControl hypnotized]] Bud by Boris: "How would you like to die?" "Old age." The hypnotist, a murderous and phony Swami played by Karloff, ultimately gets so frustrated with Lou's bungling that he [[KnifeNut grabs a knife]] from a drawer and snarls at Lou, ''"You'll commit suicide if it's the last thing you ever do!"''

* In ''Abbott and Costello meet the Mummy'', at one point Lou gets trapped inside the Mummy's tomb with a gaggle of monsters, including a giant lizard (rather obviously an iguana). Lou runs all over the place, panicking as usual. Meanwhile the lizard crawls inside a large chamber. Lou ignorantly follows it inside and shuts the doors. Five seconds later: "HEEEYYYY ABBBOTTTT!" and Lou crashes through the chamber's solid stone walls to escape!

** Also from the same movie, when Bud and Lou are checking out a room for any sign of who killed the man Lou''s been (incorrectly) accused of killing, Lou hears a noise and opens the door to find the Swami, who promptly hypnotizes Lou with: ''"You didn't see me. You didn't see me. I wasn't here. I wasn't here."'' He then vanishes. Bud walks over and asks Lou:

--> Bud: ''"Your mind's been a blank all your life!"''

** From the same flick, after Lou has become convinced (incorrectly) that Bud has been trying to murder him all through the movie, and demands that a cop arrest him: "Lou, now don't do this! Remember, we're family. We have the same blood in our veins." "Yeah, and I wanna keep mine!"

* From ''Abbott and Costello meet the Killer, Boris Karloff'', asked of a [[MindControl hypnotized]] Bud by Boris: "How would you like to die?" "Old age."

* From ''Abbott and Costello meet the Killer, Boris Karloff'', asked of a [[MindControl hypnotized]] Bud by Boris: "How would you like to die?" "Old age."

* [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Odx2cBGMoMo The Lemon Bit]]. Probably the funniest con ever.