Reviews: Two Thousand Twelve

The Earth is ROFLING in this movie

Now in order for this review to make sense, it would be wise for the troper to first see this video:

If you were expecting a serious movie with ethical and moral debates against a backdrop of doom, then shame on you; Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow should have been enough of a hint on the kind of material Roland Emmerich rolls out. However, in this case, Mr. Emmerich seems to have become self aware and this time set out to make the most entertaining disaster porn ever.

Now I am definitely not saying that millions of people dying is funny. What I am saying is that by setting your willing suspension of disbelief to 11, you allow Emmerich to crank up the obviousness of the tropes to the point of comedy: you just know what's going to happen during the scene, and when the beat arrives, you know DISASTER is not far behind. And when disaster strikes, every single slow motion take is lovingly composed with the kind of destruction no serious movie can show without looking ridiculous and insensitive. Plus it's rapid fire comedy, so every scene is stacked with gags, jokes, narm, and tropes up the wazoo and highlighted with clever camera angles and careful sound mixing.

The dialogue is bland and predictable, the plot is flimsy and predictable, and the plot holes are bigger than the chasms that people keep falling into (cue Wilhelm Scream). But once again, it's just a skeleton on which the meat of the action—the destruction that is—can shine in all it's glory.

If James Cameron is the master of building entire universes, then Roland Emmerich must be the master at destroying universes. If they ever meet, they might just cancel each other out of existence.

I plead with you, go see this movie. It is so bad it's good, and the sheer magnitude and proliferation of disaster will certainly make up for what the movie lacks.

Scenery Gorn: The Movie

If you like Scenery Gorn, you will love 2012. Buildings fall apart, cities sink into the sea, a big badass volcano erupts, everything; the movie completely averts Trailers Always Lie, except that there are no space ships. Seriously, no other movie has more destruction than this one. Michael Bay would be proud.

There's not much to say about the plot or the characters; for the most part, they aren't annoying, they don't take too much focus away from the explosions and disasters, and some of them are even quite funny or awesome. 2012 even manages to create some seriously heartwarming moments.

The only thing that really annoys me about this movie is the ending. Not just because it seemingly goes on forever, but also because many characters who were shown to be not so bad after all just get killed. Why? Because Roland Emmerich doesn't like them, I guess. It couldn't be more blatant if Jason Statham would just appear out of nowhere and kill half the main cast, really. If it was for me, that's exactly what would have happened: Jason Statham kills everyone, someone says "rich people suck!", the whole thing takes 2 minutes and includes a kung fu fight.

tl;dr aside from the ending, 2012 rocks.