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Never EVER Trust a Trailer
A review in First Person Narration.

Hey... I thought this was going to be The Fast And The Furious In the 80s. Oh well, this John Wayne-y vibe is really working for Ryan Gosling. And yeah, I'll bet really good drivers don't get really excited. This is a pretty good deconstruction of the whole Cool Racecar Driver trope.

Aww...look at the UST. It's okay to like him, Irene, your husband is a deadbeat, anyway! And look how good he is with your son. Is the whole movie going to be them driving around smiling at each other? I'm...actually okay with that.

Uh oh, One Last Job, huh? I think we all know what's gonna happen to deadbeat daddy. Man, this Let's Bring Back the 80's conspiracy is getting out of hand. Although this song is catchy... "real human being...real hero—"


HOLY S@#$! Did they just—

BLAM! BLAM!omigod I think I saw brains...

[Murder and Shooting and More Murder]

Okay. Okay. I think the worst is over. He's back with Irene. He's not gonna do anything awful in front of his Love In

OMIGOD! His FACE! Driver isn't a laconic nice guy. He's a psycho!

Holy S#$%!! I thought this was Point Break With Cars, not The Godfather meets Dexter!

Everybody Dies.

Roll Credits.

Holy Shit!!!
This review amuses me, I applaud thee.
comment #12768 Westrim 11th Feb 12
I could see you thinking 80s, what with the hot pink and New Wave-y music. That wasn't my main expectation. If anytime, I associate car chases and stunt drivers with the 70s and heist movies with any and all decades, both of which were my strongest trailer impressions. Even going by your impression, though, the 80s were many things to many people. For every Point Break (which was actually from the 90s) there was a Blue Velvet.

Unlike you apparently, I also knew this was an indie film, which means increased likelihood of graphic sex and/or violence. They went the violence way. Which was way, WAY more than I expected. Still, you must be aware of whether what you're watching was intended for mass consumption or for jaded, cynical, soulless, hipsters.

Granted, the trailer didn't necessarily get across the indieness. I probably pulled that from an extra-trailer source. So this review stands as legitimate.
comment #12836 tublecane 16th Feb 12
Ugh, is there any way we could ask the mods to delete this truly inane and spoiler filled review.
comment #12862 agentjohnbishop 18th Feb 12
Why? Sums up my reaction pretty well.
comment #17045 SeanPeden 2nd Dec 12
Meh, I never liked this sort of melodramatic inanity on my Tv Tropes.
comment #19430 SquigPie 19th May 13
In order to post comments, you need to Get Known
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