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Weak weak weak weak times a million.
I knew the Queen soundtrack for a long time and loved it. So I thought I should try the movie, since the album made it sound like a fun awesomesauce romp.

To my unpleasant surprise, it's weak as hell.

Flash Gordon is a movie with so many problems they overshadow the qualities. Such as:

1. The main problem: it seems like it was made on a budget of $20. Special Effect Failure from beginning to start (especially the conspicuous greenscreening), and everything just looks cheap.

2. The plot just moves too fast and looks rushed, making it hard to get involved or follow it. And then ironically it grinds to a halt in some places (the dragged-out subplot about the Hawkmen and other dudes). This inconsistency makes it feel too long and give me Ending Fatigue - too much Padding.

3. Anemic action scenes. The "Football Fight" I expected to be hilariously over-the-top. It was boring, and maybe I chuckled once or twice. The rest are worse.

4. Acting worse than Star Wars. The dude playing Gordon is a blank, annoying Dull Surprise machine. Dale seems bored. And the Italian-accented Aura just grated on me to no end, especially with the Double Entendre lines she gets (I believe my reaction to her was something like, "what's an Italian pornstar doing in a comic book movie?")

5. Director guy totally fucked up the Hawkmen's attack. Again - soundtrack made me expect awesome. He delivered a Missed Moment Of Awesome.

6. I honestly screamed a few times at the screen when Dale just came off as incredibly stupid. Yeah, go ahead, refuse to poison Ming because he promised to do something even though he won't actually respect the promise. Sure. Whatever, you have the Idiot Ball.

7. Tone-deaf unfunny comedy.

And there's some more that I don't remember right now.

But what are the good things then?

1. Soundtrack's epic.

2. Max von Sydow's kinda funny.

3. Brian Blessed. Not as hammy as TV Tropes led me to believe, but still fun.

4. I chuckled at the ending, I guess...

5. Some lines captured the right over-the-top hilarity that the movie's just trying too hard to achieve. Such as Ming's wedding vows. Or Flash and Dale's telepathy session.

Overall, frustrating failure. Stick with the soundtrack - any movie you imagine while listening to it will be much better than this (worked for me...).
Also, some people actually prefer this to Star Wars? May I humbly ask what they're smoking and where can I get some?
comment #2926 Sen 19th Jun 10
Hey, hey, some/most people like this movie for being so explictly cheap and hammy. Of course, the soundtrack is also a major bonus.
comment #11220 MrMallard 4th Nov 11
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