All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread

The rest of the class, of course, dismisses it. "So he's too old for you now?"

“Haruna, what are you doing?” Yue pointed to Chisame. “Why did you make another dominatrix golem? You know that things never end well when you generate those.”

“What?” Chisame looked up with a grumpy expression on her face. “No. It's really me, okay? And this isn't a dominatrix costume. I'm a biker, okay?”

Both Yue and Nodoka eyed her suspiciously.

“We should probably check, just to be sure.” Yue walked cautiously up to the girl. “Can you turn around, please?” Chisame groaned, but reluctantly turned her back to the short girl. Yue brushed Chisame's ponytail out of the way, and ran her finger across her shoulder blades. She turned back to Nodoka “Ok, no label. We're good.”

“I know.” Nodoka was holding her artifact. She smiled as she looked at Chisame. “I never knew you enjoyed dressing up so much.”

“What!?” Chisame started to blush as she shouted indignantly. “There must be something wrong with your artifact! The only reason I'm doing this is for my fans!”

“But this says you like the way that this outfit shows off your—”

“Enough of that!” Chisame snatched the artifact out of Nodoka's hands and slammed it shut. “Listen, I needed some props for my next photo shoot, and Haruna offered to help!”

“And you actually took her up on that offer?” Yue shook her head. “What were you thinking?”

“I'm not sure of that myself...” Chisme muttered through gritted teeth. “It was less her offering help, and more demanding that I let her help...”

“What do you mean?” Nodoka dismissed her artifact.

“She has some...uh...questionable photos of me, and I figured it was the lesser of two evils to just go along with her.”

“Questionable photos?” Yue poked at the top of her juice box with a straw. “I didn't know you did stuff like that.”

“It was an embarrassing accidents.” Chisame put a hand to her forehead. “When I shoot my photos, I set the camera up to shoot a bunch of pictures automatically, and during my last shoot, I had some issues with my wardrobe. Long story short, Haruna somehow got her hands on some of the pictures, so I have to go along with her latest scheme to make sure she doesn't fill the internet with pictures of me wearing a nightie that's apparently transparent under heavy lighting.”

“Any idea why she wanted to help you?” Nodoka looked over at Haruna, who was still scribbling away in her notebook.

“I'm not entirely sure...” Chisame eyed Haruna nervously. “Something about 'using this great power for good rather than for evil', but I really don't trust her. That's why I called you two. You're the only people who can control her madness.”

“Okay it's done!” Haruna shouted triumphantly as she held her artifact in the air. “Come forth!”

There was a flash of light and blast of wind as an enormous motorcycle erupted from the sketchbook. The chopper had apparently been designed with a bunny theme in mind.

“Alright, now hop on!”

“Wow.” Chisame put a hand on the bike. “This is actually a pretty sweet bike.”

“Well, what did you expect!?” Haruna beamed. “I take great pride in my work!”

“I have to admit...” Chisame squatted down to admire the detail of the metalwork. “I was expecting something a bit more...terrifying. Like with tentacles or something.”

“Oh, please.” Haruna sniffed indignantly. “A motocycle isn't a living thing. It can't have tentacles. How ridiculous.”

“Whatever.” Chisame began to untie her ponytail. “The bike looks good, so lets get this over with before somebody sees me.” She pointed to Nodoka. “You pull out your artifact and use it to make sure that no one comes over here.” Then to Yue. “You hold on to these for me.” She handed the short girl her glasses. “I also need you to make sure that Haruna doesn't break my camera.”

“Oh, don't worry about that.” Haruna interrupted. “I've got you covered. Come forth!” She held up her artifact again, and it expelled several glowing balls of light, which immediately began to form into small, floating, robotesque drones. “I based them on Asakura's artifact. They're fully compatible with all of your software, and I guarantee that you cannot find higher picture quality.”

“I don't know...” The drones were making her nervous. “They don't have x-ray vision or anything like that, do they?”

“Of course not!” Haruna's smile was not very convincing. Chisame turned to Nodoka, who already had her artifact out.

“They're clean.” She gave the cosplay girl a thumbs up. “They have night vision and thermal imaging, but no x-rays.”

“And this way you don't have to mess with the tripod! You'll have every pose from multiple angles!”

“Okay, okay! Fine, we'll use your drone things.” Chisame reached forward and grabbed Haruna by her shirt. “But you do not keep any of the pictures, understand? Not one.”

“Fine by me!”

The combined Cosmo Entelecheia stood frozen in front of the impossibly cute diaper-wearing creature.

"Puu-chu! Puu-chu! Puu-chuuu! Puu-chuuu! Chuuu!" it happily, oh so cutely sang as it danced and drew the Pactio circle on the ground, lifting its head to look up at Fate's confused Ministrae after it was done. "Puu-chuu? Puu-chuu?"

"What..." Homura's right eyebrow twitched, "What does... it... want?"

Shiori managed to snap out of her own daze enough to reply. She still couldn't get used to the mesmerizing effect of that much cuteness, either. Heck, most of Ala Alba STILL couldn't, either. As a matter of fact, Mana seemed to be the only person at the current scene immune, just choosing to grunt in a jaded way. Even Poyo and Fate himself had paused, as if shaken by a sudden inner conflict.

"It, um..." Shiori began, "It wants you to Pactio with him..." she pointed down at Negi.

Homura tensed up. "With him...? You must be—!!" Then she melted when the Puuchu started dancing again. Damn it, how could she tell no to such a... supernaturally cute thing?! No, no, it couldn't be. She slapped herself trying to keep control. She then turned her eyes towards her Master, hoping to find instructions on how to resist that hideous spell from him. She found everyone else in her team had just done the same thing.

For a moment, Fate simply stood perfectly still and silent. Then he monotoned, "You first, Koyomi. Then you, Tamaki. And then you, Shirabe. You will go afterwards, Homura. Then you and you," he pointed at Poyo and the Chibi-Mage, "Then finally Dynamis and me."

"PUU-CHUU!!" the horribly cute thing jumped up happily, chalk firmly in hand.

It was then when Negi turned around and ran away.

... You are joking, right?

Regrettably, the lawyers of Archie Comics have prevented this entry from being added to the recopilation.

You know where you can send your protest letters.

The emaciated chihuahua slammed the door closed behind Haruna, Ayaka and Makie. "... Eediots."

Then he angrily turned to Chisame, pulling the chalk out of nowhere and balling his fists at his hips. "Well, get een place then, geerl. We don't have all day long. I'm as seeck of thees nonsense as you, eef not more, so don't make eet any harder, okay?"

Chisame seemed to be having second thoughts while looking down at the unconscious Negi. "But, um, shouldn't we wait for him to wake up first, at least? No, wait, that'd only make it harder. Or not. I mean, it's more uncomfortable if he's awake, but creepier if he's out cold, so—"

"Oh, for the love of—!!" the ugly dog exploded, his eyes bulging out like crimson globes. "You're all seeck leettle monkeys anyway, so stop pretendeeng! Eef you're going to be a deesgusting pedo, at least do eet with pride! You make me feel eell! Just do eet before I throw you both through the weendow!!!"

"Don't talk at me like that!!" she protested, kicking him against a wall before exhaling and inhaling to calm herself down. "Okay! Fine! I don't need being reminded of the seriousness of the situation, so cut the crap out and draw the stinking circle at once!"

Ren pulled himself out the wall and mumbled while putting hands to the work. "About freakin' time. There, eet's done. Now move your flacceed butt here and smooch heem a good wet one!"

"... Flaccid?!" her eyebrows quivered, and she started feeling herself on the buttocks just in case, but the dog had had enough and just kicked her down towards Negi.

Just as the twerp was waking up.

"Chi... Chisame-san? W-What's go—OOOOMPHHH!!" His eyes widened as she fell on him, pressing her lips against his.

Ren simply fumed as he picked the card up in midair. "I envy that eediot cat now. Wherever he ees, eet can't be worse than thees."

Elsewhere, far, far, far, far, far away, one Stimpson J. Cat was smiling, holding a litterbox up before the fascinated eyes of his new best friend.

"— And that's why Gritty Kitty is the product of choice for any modern cat! Feel its fine smell! Its delightful texture!" He picked some sand from the box and blew it in the air all over Koyomi's face.

"Ahhh...!!" she happily purred. "It's... It's true! I-I don't know how could I live for so long without it!"

Behind her, her comrades in arms just stared.

"I must... start holding higher standards for our newest recruits," Fate deadpanned.

“You have got to be kidding me!!” Chisame banged her head on the table. “I went through so much crap during the festival because of you! So much! I was freaking wading through mounds of crap! I climbed the freaking crap mountains, dammit! Enough to fertilize all the farms in the world. All of them!”

Chachamaru tried to maintain her stoic demeanor as she sat on the couch, watching Chisame flail madly.

“Chisame, I believe that your metaphor is obscuring rather than emphasizing your point.”

“Shut up!” Chisame stared at the robot girl, red faced. “You don't get it! I busted my ass trying to fight you during the tournament, and now you're telling me that you were just messing with me the whole time!? I thought that I had at least put up a decent fight!”

The robot shifted in her seat. In the months since the tournament, she had visited Chisame like this a number of times. Chisame had come to enjoy Chachamaru's visits; there was no one else on campus who was on Chisame's level when it came to computers. It had been nice to finally discuss the subject with someone who was on her own level.

But now all of that was in jeopardy. Chachamaru had been describing a sort of self-propagating program when she had said precisely the wrong thing, namely that the simplicity of the program in question had made it simple for her to hold Chisame at bay during the Mahorafest Cyberwar.

“I thought you were already aware...” Chachamaru tried not to meet Chisame's eyes. “I did not mean to impugn your abilities. I had a distinct advantage due to my ability to interface directly with the system, and furthermore-”

“Just stop, okay!?” Chisame finally settled into her chair and held her head in her hands. “I get it. You were better than me. I just thought that I had actually accomplished something, that's all...” She took a deep breath.

“But you did accomplish something. You successfully circumvented my security set up.”

“That doesn't matter! It's the fact that you weren't even trying.” She gritted her teeth. “Do you know how humiliating it is to put your all into something only to find out that you only won because your opponent wasn't paying attention!?”

Chachamaru was silent. She hadn't been in that position before. Chisame took a few deep breaths before launching back into her tirade.

“I thought I was useful! I thought that I had actually done something to help! I thought I had accomplished something!” He voice dropped to a near whisper. “But I guess it turns out that I was just lucky. But the worst part...” She finally took her hands away from her face. Tears were starting to gather at the corners of her eyes. “Do you know what I did to beat you?”

Chachamaru shook her head.

“I had to make a pactio with that boy.” Her fists were clenched. “That was the worst. To have even the smallest chance of doing anything, I had to kiss him. My first kiss. My first kiss!” She slammed her fist on the table. “I wasted my first kiss to have a shot at beating you. I should have saved it. Saved it for someone special. Someone that I actually loved! But no....” The tears in the corners of her eyes began to drip down her cheeks. “I sacrificed it. I sacrificed it to fight you, and now you're telling me that you weren't even trying!”

“Chisame...” Chachamaru searched her memory banks for something, anything to say . Understanding her own emotions was difficult enough. But even so, all she could think about was finding some way to stop the tears that were flowing down her friend's face. “I...I am sorry. I did not realize that you....that you gave up so much... I should have told you at the beginning....”

“You...just don't get it...” Chisame's fists started trembling. “You don't know...just how much I had to give up.” She lifted her head and looked Chachamaru straight in the eyes. “You can't understand...” Chachamaru felt as if she were frozen, paralyzed by Chisame's gaze. She forced her mouth to start speaking again.

“I know that I cannot understand. I have difficulty comprehending my own emotions. I only wish that I would have some way of knowing how you feel...”

Chisame's stared into Chachamaru's eyes. She wanted to be angry. She wanted to be able to scream her head off. She wanted to unload all of her frustration, stress, and pain on the robot girl sitting on her couch. But she couldn't. The robot's eyes seemed more glassy than usual; they had more shine. They looked human. And they looked like they were about to cry.

“You want...you want to understand?” Chisame tried to breathe slowly. “Fine.”

She suddenly stepped forward, wrapped her arms around the robot girl and pressed her lips against Chachamaru's. The sudden momentum caused both girls to tip sideways onto the couch. Chisame lay on top her friend, eyes clamped shut.

Chachamaru lay on the couch, stunned. Chisame's body was so close to hers that she could feel the girl's ever-quickening heartbeat. From the moment Chisame's lips had touched hers, she felt a heat spreading through her body, a rush of sensation flowing through her artificial veins. Time seemed to stop for a moment.

Chisame pushed herself back into a sitting position.

“There. You made me waste my first kiss, so now I took yours. We're even.” She stood up and resolutely walked back to her chair.

Chachamaru slowly lifted herself off the couch. Every joint in her body seemed to be shaky and unstable. She almost feel the heat coming off of her face.

“Chisame...”

“So is next week at the same time good for you?” Chisame tried her best to sound completely normal, but her voice wavered.

“W..what do you mean?”

“Well, now that we've resolved this little incident, there's no reason that we should stop meeting.” Chisame pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. He cheeks were still more than a little rosy. Her mouth curved slightly into a smile. “I accept your apology. I realize that you didn't realize how I felt. All is forgiven.”

“Th..thank you.” Chachamaru bowed. “Next week at this time should be fine. I will let you know if anything comes up.” She stood up. “I should probably be going.”

“You're probably right.” Chisame coughed. “Things got a little intense. I need to cool down a little.”

“I will see you in class. Goodbye.” Chachamaru bowed again and walked to the door. As she opened it, Chisame waved.

“You too. Bye.” The door clicked shut.

As she left the dormitory to begin the walk back to Eva's cottage, Chachamaru reached up and pressed her fingers to her mouth. Her lips were still warm.