Edit: Tried to make this look better because I'm now ashamed to read it.
Hi, people! I am Carth, and I’ve been doing liveblogs for quite some time. There are some on my blog that people are free to ignore, but as I seem to have established that blog as being for webcomics-only I really don’t know what I’m going to do with this…still, I wanted to see this show sort of, and I wanted to make a blog about it before the first blush of discovery sorta ran itself out.
A little while ago, I stumbled on the TV Tropes entry for an old Canadian cartoon I had never heard of called Cybersix
. It’s based on an Argentinian comic book that was probably more for adults, and it shows – there is no other way that Nazis and crossdressing would make their way in. Yes, I said Nazis and crossdressing. I do not believe the two are present in one person at the same time, but there are Nazis and crossdressing, and also a lot of other intimate details that for one reason or another make this 13-episode series appealing to mine instincts. I then promptly forgot about it. Then, a few months ago, I started seeing ads on buses for the La Femme Nikita
reboot, confused it with this series, went back to TV Tropes, rediscovered the page, and decided, yes, I think I do want to watch it. I don’t really know what else to expect besides butt-kicking. So, without further ado, let’s start episode 1 of Cybersix, which does not to my current knowledge have a title.
We open in on a fairly detailed but cliché cityscape, with the giant moon and all, and see a lady in a cape running across rooftops! I called it – it’s Cybersix! And then just as I’m getting used to this, we see some sort of fish thing in a tank? What the hell? Seems we are getting off to an active start…
Then without ANY explanation for fishman, we go back to the rooftops, where there are some Faceless Musclebound Mooks chasing the lady I am still fairly certain is Cybersix. We cut to an alleyway, and…a lady starts to sing? Oh, is this actually the theme song? Okay, then, let’s see how this looks! I am confused. We see a guy with a long nose and more of this freaky fish guy (who I am now waiting for to say I AM NOT A FREAKY FISH GUY) and then Faceless Musclebound Mooks again! There’s a very-well animated puddle being stepped in, and more chasing. And a blond gorilla-like man eating stuff as another guy reads the newspaper. And A PAIR OF GLASSES? SOMEONE HAS GLASSES IN THIS SHOW? I ~love~ glasses. And some hair-swishing, and, oh, there's the guy with the glasses. I will reserve further comments until the show starts but if you didn’t figure out he’s the chick you’re probably blind yourself.
Then as the lady continues to sing we see what amounts to a transformation sequence as Guy Who Is Chick continues to talk. Also, this song. I thought at first it was really cheesy but now I’m coming to like it- the lyrics are catchy. And now we see ASS-KICKING, with fully animated cape-flowing! I don’t know if these scenes were culled from the show or anything but they flow very well! Then come some mooks, which convince me that this was, indeed, culled from the show (though pretty artfully – liked the guy-chick dichotomy if it was a little awkward). Which include gargoyles? Huh. And apparently this Cybersix lady can fly? Okay, if you say so, theme song. CYBERSIX. Man does it ever have an awesome theme song. Let’s hope the show measures up.
So this episode is actually called Mysterious Shadow. How cliché. There is an interesting dichotomy of names in the credits, with the story and directing by Takeuchi and Furuya, and the episode written by a guy named Hammell. Now that I’ve talked for years about the opening, let’s get to the show itself…
THERE’S A TIME WHEN THE MOON REVEALS ITS FACE THROUGH THE CLOUDS~ Sorry, I had to say it. We open on a man leaving a building while rooting through a briefcase. He gets in his car, which happens to be inhabited by a gorilla man who promptly grabs his throat, grins at him, and – and makes the car rock in very
suspect ways. Eeeeep. I see why this wasn’t aired in the States now.
And in a scene the opening ripped out, here comes Lady Cybersix! Can I just call her Six or Sixy or something? She appears to be out for some lovely nighttime parkour, given she’s completely ignoring that there’s another mook out for some late night car-raping. Wait, no, he’s actually going to join her in some parkour! What a lovely outing! The car drives on unharmed, driven by a rather nondescript and sideburnt fellow, until he comes across the parked car and says “What the devil?” in the WEIRDEST voice I have ever heard. This thing is not human. It is all high and possibly British.
He then gets out of the car and looks at the second car, still talking in a voice better suited to the old man who was gorilla-raped earlier. And now he’s kind of stuck, because gorilla man gorilla-raped his car. Clearly, this show is about parkour, gorillas, and rapists. Okay kids that’s enough we can go home now. GORILLA MAN IS CREEPY. He makes squishing noises as his muscles are in half-shadow as he reaches for the man –
Cybersix hears a scream. Still mostly in shadow, she flash-parkours over to the scene, finding nothing but two abandoned cars and probably the carcass of the old man. She sees the gorilla guy and follows him. Scene cuts to a very simply drawn wharf. The gorilla boys meet up with their ill-gotten boytoys. One runs away, the other stays…and Cybersix reaches down to get him, he turns around, but no one is there. So he leaves, and this lady, still in shadow, watches over him from the shadowy shadow-
Bright and sunny stone lion with children talking? Uh, Mood Whiplash
. From the look of things we appear to be at a school, though the students are pretty ambiguously aged and also ambiguously featured. The halls are very bare and seriously now how the hell did we get here –
FETUS? WHY IS THERE A FETUS ON THE SCREEN. Oh, because Blondie here is teaching Sex Ed today! And then I feel bad making fun of him because the next thing out of his mouth – “And then you looked like this. Some of you still do.” – made me love him instantly. Slide moves…and the very ugly students start laughing? Because…uh…there's a guy boxing? What? Deffo not Blondie, he’s too muscular. But Blondie’s taking it in stride.
Cut to the outside, where a short dude is talking with a tall…oh is that who I think it is? IT IS, IT IS. Sidelman, that’s the last name she uses! Yes, that, as the theme song made you figure out, is Cybersix. And, somehow, she makes a very attractive male. (Given, I’m a girl with a bit of a thing for nerds, male or otherwise...) As short dude talks about nothing, they pass Blondie’s classroom. Sidelman gives Blondie an EPIC STARE and Blondie is like “durr”.
Hideously ugly fellow directs Sidelman to his room…and we fade to when the lesson begins! This is a terribly dark school. Side- you know what, his name’s eventually Adrian, so I’ll call Man!Cybersix Adrian – walks across the screen. S/he is reading a sweet sort of line from a book and looking handsome why do I think this female cartoon character is handsome. S/he does not seem to be disguising her voice too much at all, but the sideburns are a nice touch. And we pan down to a few more ugly students…including a red-haired girl who appears to be ~smitten~ with this new clearly male hunk of man-meat maleness. Adrian turns back around and –
what the hell is going on.
This girl, rather than just sitting in her seat and gazing like any sane girl in love with her teacher, ACTUALLY STANDS UP AND STARTS BLOWING KISSES AT SHIM. WHAT. THE. HELL. Adrian appears to be very confused…but goes on. AT LEAST UNTIL THIS GIRL ACTUALLY GETS UP AND GIVES SHIM A LOVE LETTER. And then skips back to her seat. And then gazes at him. And no one bats an eye at any of this.
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SCHOOL SYSTEM. I already knew the school was a dump but REALLY. Adrian, who is hopefully
as confused as I am, tells her HARD by rejecting the valentine. And she actually looks surprised
. This is so wrong in so many ways it has to have been done this way on purpose. And to make matters worse, the other students in the class are on her side. WHAT. THE. HELL.
Back at the end of the day, Blondie is packing up and happens to see Adrian running off in a sexy trenchcoat, reading a book, closely pursued by three students who want to BEAT HIM UP? This high school is awful. Even if I get this lovely shemale teaching me I do not want to go there. Adrian continues to read, passing by people, until s/he runs into Different Blondie, dropping shis book. S/he reaches down to get it, but is stopped by Different Blondie, who yells a WALL OF INCOMPREHENSIBLE NOISE into shis ear. Adrian says “Pardon?”, which is the same thing I think.
Different Blondie throws him to the goons, making this show make even more sense. No, I'm serious, they make everything come together. First, Mook #1 says another wall of noise. Then they gang up on him. DB says another wall of noise. Adrian is all like “Fellas…” I guess not wanting to show of shis ass-kicking powers. So, in return, they yell walls of incomprehensible noise at shim. Anyone that can tell me what they are saying, please do, because I do not understand a word of it. And yet amazingly I am not pissed off. It’s like Narm Charm
But everything is okay because BLONDIE HAS COME TO SAVE THE DAY. DB and the mooks are like “durr” and then run off, I guess because Blondie is five times wider than Adrian. Blondie finally introduces himself as Lucas – aww, I can’t call him Blondie anymore – and hands shis book back. What a gentleman! The students should learn from him :P And, in jest, Lucas says, “Oh, so you’re not the new karate teacher.” Why is this man so funny. Then he’s like "coffee" and Adrian is like “blink”. Then he makes a coquettish sort of noise. Considering Cybersix is in disguise I can’t get a good hold on her personality, but the fangirl in me is detecting some ~special vibes~.
Now, the newspaper! Two Men Gorilla-Raped In Cars
. I suppose Starbucks was not around in 1999, so instead the two are having coffee at what looks like a pretty fancy café. Nope, nothing suspect about that at all. Lucas makes small talk. Two things here – one, this show is pretty well paced so far. Nothing feels rushed. Also, his Canadian accent is so Canadian I can feel it’s Canadianity all the way from my house. Adrian looks kind of impatient/cold with the small talk, switching gears directly – s/he wants to know what the hell is in the water that makes shis students act like ding-dongs. Well, actually, s/he just asks about the redhead, but I know that’s what s/he means in shis heart. Lucas calls her “a little mixed up”, which is a gross understatement, and then, demonstrating a serious case of ADHD on top of stalking issues from earlier, CHEERS FOR SOCCER/FOOTBALL. Adrian sort of ignores this, and then, with a sudden glance at the newspaper, remembers that she actually is a superhero in disguise.
Adrian thanks Lucas for the coffee and walks off, again demonstrating a gross inability to hide her voice. Lucas is sad for just a second and then soccer/football! This scene makes more sense than any other, really.
So now it’s night again. Lucas walks home alone, looking…really messed up in the face (I mean as opposed to Adrian/Cybersix’s cute little face…) AND A GORILLA-MAN CUTS HIM OFF. RIGHT IN THE STREET. GOD. Lucas is like “what”, and then he looks up AND SEES A LADY. JUST UP THERE, DOIN’ PARKOUR. And he is running. Did I mention he is the only person out at night. And he is so desperate to find her that he jumps off a staircase, into a chicken coop. What the hell is this man he is awesome.
Gorilla on the bridge gets assaulted by what can only be Batman. Lucas invades the situation again…and as Cybersix stands up, we get our first good look at her. She fights in heels. This is very impractical but she makes it work for her. She has well manicured fingernails and a hella weird wristbone. She has a VERY curvaceous figure that she probably has a hell lot of trouble hiding, and DAMN if that isn’t a nice hat! She gives him a cross look…and a blind monkey could tell they’re the same person, she just slapped some lipstick on. But Lucas is a monkey with the capacity for sight, so he doesn’t see it.
She warns him to stay away, at which point I realize she actually DID do a good job of hiding her voice. She then flies off, making Lucas deliver one of his worse lines, and then – because, as you remember, this fellow’s a rocket scientist – he approaches the gorilla man. Who then starts glowing and melting?
To be continued…hope this wasn’t too long. I'll give some summaries when I finish an episode. I only have this to say for now.
One, this show makes no sense.
Two, I LOVE THIS SHOW. KIND OF.
edited 20th Oct '10 6:09:26 PM by Carth