The Rooster In Yellow- Let's Watch: Rock-A-Doodle!

I'm fairly sure I never learned to properly tie my shoes. I'm really not bored enough to check, but I'm rather sure my method of 'tying two makeshift circles together' is not proper form. Also, they always come loose like three seconds later.

Wait. There's one universal way of tying shoelaces? I always thought it was a personal thing, like handwriting.

You know, an annoying main character is relived by a good supporting cast.

However, in this movie, all of the cast are annoy as hell.

NEXT TIME! Our heroes have to endure truly horrifyingly lame obstacles to get to the city!

edited 13th May '10 3:42:02 AM by Emperordaein

Our recap continues today with...

Part 5: Shatterpoint

Edmund decides that he's not a fwaidy fraidy-cat after all (though he definitely fulfills the "cat" part of the equation) and decides that he'll ride Patau to the city to look for Chanteecwaiw to save the farm, etc.

Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Edmund's entire room get's flooded? I mean, there's a flood, and then there's a flood. This is some kind of Biblical apocalyptic downpour. I like to think that God really is trying to destory this movie though water. Pour a little more on it, God, and Kill It With Water!

Anyways, Edmund realizes that they don't have to swim, and that they can take a chest to the city. Even though the chest appears to be made of metal and heavy wood, adding that to the fact that it now haas to support some kind of beagle, a cat, and a largish mouse. Hopefully that thing'll capsize in no time. Oh, and Snipes is coming along too, just to make the trip that much more annoying. Edmund, being a jerk, decides to leave the other dozen or so animals to their fate, with nothing but a flashlight to fend off the owls. Hey Edmund, you do realize that they could've come along with you, right? Ah, well.

Meanwhil, in an unspecified EEEEEVIL-lookin' part of the story, Patau continues to narrate about what just happened- apparently the Duke surived the fight and is now playing his EEEEEVIL organ of EEEEEEVI Lness, like any respectable villain should.

Sadly, instead of awesome Gothic music, we get....

... a song!

Aw, crap, singing. Mind if I smoke?

It is here that we meet the Duke's retinue. To elaborate, they are some very effiminate owls that sing like an a capella chorus. Not very threatening by any measure. Duke continues singing about how Patau and Edmund kicked his ass, etc., owls are PO'd about this and decide to kill all the good guys. Meanwhile, Duke plays with his big lightning machine.

Suddenly, a wacky miniature owl appears! I can already tell that this idiot is going to be the "comic relief" character and I already hate him. To show how annoying he is, by comparison, I didn't mind Skids and Mudflap. Anyways, Stupid Comic Relief Mini Owl sees Patau and Edmund going down the river and decides to tell Christopher Plummer Duke and co. about it. Then he falls of the keyboard.

I think that's supposed to be funny.

We return to our heroes, and, in the space of five minutes, it apears that the quiet town in which Edmund and co. resides has not been hit with a mere flood, but some kind of natural disaster on par with Hurricane Katrina. Seriously. In addition to the floodwaters somehow managing to reach Edmund's room, it seems that the rooftops of the town are still unsubmerged... what? Think about that for a moment and then weep.

After some "comic banter", Edmund realizes that there's a tree approaching... in 100 feet! Oh no! They're all doomed! There's no way that they could... I don't know... turn... or something. To make matters worse, in the space of two seconds, it's somehow 40 feet ahead. Ive given Edmund a lot of flak in this movie, but man, that kid can sure jerry-rig a boat!

Fortunately, they managed to avoid the tree (what was they worst they could do, bump into it?) but now they're going the wrong way! And, Stupid Comic Relief Owl is coming, singing Flight of the Valkyries! Oh, and there are evil owls behind him. Looks like we have another random fight on our hands, guys!

The owls attack and there's another fight. This brings me to an interesting question: did it just not occur to Patau and co. to bring some form of light-based weaponry with them? I mean, it's not like they didn't know that they were going to be attacked by owls. Stupid Comic Relief Owl grabs Edmund and throws him into the water. At least he knows that cats hate swimming. Now Edmund'll smell funny for the rest of the journey! (Trust me. Wet cat smell is bad.) The boat gets lifted into the air by the owls (they're damn strong owls). Edmund yells at them to get the camera (who keeps a camera in their toybox?) to fight the owls with. Edmund is about to fall to his death!

Die, my darling, die!

Will Edmund survive? Will that annoying owl fall into a wood chipper? Will I go insane? My answers are yes, no, and possibly.

edited 13th May '10 10:47:23 AM by CrowT.Robot

Come to think of it, brandishing a flashlight as a weapon would probably be pretty useful right now. Then again, that would be far too easy, so therefore we need to have an Idiot Plot instead.

Also, that chest could only carry their weight if it's airtight and permantently shut. I guess.

Get A Hold Of Yourself Man! You're spelling's getting all over the place. Sorry bad habit of mine.

On topic though, so the Duke Owl hates flashlights and sunlight but a lightning generating machine is a-okay? I know you're supposed to be the villain, but still that's a bit of a Double Standard there.

We've evolved beyond the point of an Idiot Plot- we're waist-deep in Idiot Balls, Wall Bangers, and Scrappies. I don't know what to call this thing... but it is beyond mortal comprehension.

EDIT: About the spelling- I type a lot of this on an old portable keyboard that my hands are getting too big for. I try to catch as many errors as I can when I transfer it to the computer, but a few slip by... this is one of my worse spellchecks, I suppose.

edited 13th May '10 10:56:21 AM by CrowT.Robot

Fortunately, this thing already has a name bestowed upon it by Satan himself for you to call it by, and that name is Rock A Doodle. It's not an Idiot Plot, it's just Rock A Doodle. No further titles should be necessary.

edited 13th May '10 10:50:29 AM by goodtimesfreegrog

It could also be called Yog-Sothoth, Tren Krom, or Missingno, but I think that Rock A Doodle is best for simplicity's sake.

edited 13th May '10 10:53:33 AM by CrowT.Robot

Owls... singing... "Flight of the Valkyries"...

('Nam flashback kicks in)

"Rock-A-Doodle. Shit. I'm actually standing in Rock-A-Doodle."

edited 13th May '10 2:39:07 PM by Man Called True

Seeing the Duke of Owls getting shot out of that room like he was fired from a cannon is bloody hilarious and prime narm.

I keep imagining you eventually using the same episode titles as Harry Plinkett in his Phantom Menace review

"Number 8: Im gonna slit my wrists" "Number 9: If I get a brain aneurism as a result of this movie, can I hold the film makers responsible?"

Part 6: Inquisition

Previously, on Rock-A-Doodle, Edmund and friends had commandeered a toybox for a trip to the city. However, they were attacked by a gay men's chorus flock of evil owls. Will they survive? Will Edmund fall off a waterfall? Hopefully.

Peepers manages to route the owls with the camera, by taking a picture of them. I have a feeling that Edmund is going to wind up being the smartest out of all of these people (not that that's saying much, of course).

(Un)fortunatetly for all of us, Edmund does manage to get back into the toybox that should have sunk a long time ago "boat" and they all fall down into an aqueduct pipe. Patau quickly orders them to close the lid, which shouldn't make much difference anyways because water should leak in through the seams.

Stupid Owl (as he shall hearby be known as) believes that this is an "adequate pipe" and decides that our heroes should be dead now for some reason. Oh please, Skids and Mudflap, where are you?

Meanwhile, the sealed toybox is going through the aqueduct pipe at a breakneck speed.

We see Edmund and friends inside the toybox... what?

Alright, let me try to elaborate on this bizarreness. This toybox was apparently built with deep-sea exploration in mind, because it is perfectly dry inside. No water dripping down or anything. In addition, this airtight, waterproof toybox seems to have phsycial properties remniscient of a TARDIS. It is absolutely monstrous on the inside, large enough to comfortabely accomodate a full grown dog, a kitten, a mouse, and a bird (that has ample rom to fly around, may I add) when five mintues previous they were all crammed in the box. There's even enough space for comfortable vertical movement. They Just Didn't Care, indeed.

Snipes, however, is claustrophobic and thus does not appreciate the awesomeness of the Magic TARDIS Toybox Submersible and tries to break free by pecking holes in the box. Suddenly (gasp!) the holes puncture the box and water starts leaking in, which will hopefully drown our heroes. Patau doesn't seem to be able to raise the lid of the box in time. Then the box goes off a waterfall and everyone survives unscathed. Sadly, the toybox is sunk for good. How will our heroes get home now, without the awesomeness of a TARDIS submarine toybox?

Snipes, being an asshole (well, a bigger asshole than everyone else) goes on a rant about garbage, when suddenly, we see... the city! Nothing too special, just a New York knock off sort of place. However, it doesn't seem to be a place where a man feels like a king, or even a place where a king feels like some kind of nutty, cuckoo super-king.

Everyone goes on a tangent about how beatuiful it all is, though when I look at it all I see is a tonne of urban sprawl. Don Bluth- brainwashing kids into believing that overcrowded, polluting population centers are A-OK since 1991!

Also, why isn't the city flooded too? Hell, it's not even raining here... get your weather patterns consistent, Bluth!

Meanwhile, at the Owl Tower of EEEEEVIL, the Duke is baking pies.(apparently he's wearing some kind of super-polarized sunglasses or something, I don't really care). An interesting bit of fridge logic presents itself- why can't Duke just magic himself up some food? After all, if he can turn someone into a hideous looking cat, he should be able to make food appear. However, my contemplations are cut short by the Stupid Owl, who crahses into everything. Duke grabs Stupid and contemplates murdering him, which I would really approve of. Sadly, he doesn't. Instead, he lets the Stupid Owl ramble on about how he killed all the protagonists. (which he didn't). However, in a wacky twist, it turns out that he misread the sign, and he actually sent Patau and company down an aqueduct pipe! Oh, will the hilarity ever end!? (I hope so.) Understandably, Duke gets mad and Baleful Polymorphs him into something that looks like cross between a xenomorph and a tennis ball. Why, I don't know.

Duke is mad at the little idiot and gives him one more chance to go into the city and kill everyone, so he turns him back. Stupid doesn't want to go, owing to the fact that lights blind him (and probably get him blasted out of the room, Team Rocket-style.) Rather than send the Gay Men's Chorus of Doom after Edmund and friends, Duke stupidly decides to send the smallest, weakest, and stupidest of all of his minions after him.

That's Rock-A-Doodle for you!

edited 14th May '10 8:50:03 AM by CrowT.Robot

...That "Duke" title must be hereditary, because goddamn if he's not the dumbest duke I've ever seen.

Maybe he doesn't magic up some pies because he likes baking?

Can we get a screencap of that xenoball thing?

This link at 3:45 in. I don't know how to post pictures on here...

Cooking is a form of magic. That's why you can't use magic to cook. It's not cooking. Even Evil Has Standards.

I should elaborate a bit more on Stupid the Owl. He's actually a WWII veteran.....So why he acts like a.....well.....Goofy Idiot is beyond me. Although this suddenly makes him a far more tragic character, when you consider that he may be suffering from some kind of advanced PTSD.

Oh, and he has a Verbal Tic of saying "Annihilation" and other words that rhyme with it. The thing is, his saying of these things has no rhyme or reason. He randomly uses that Tic. And I don't need to say that it gets annoying FAST.

^ I was going to get to that... but it looks like you jumped the gun, my friend.

I don't know how to post pictures on here...

First you take a screencap, then you upload it to a place like Imageshack. Post the URL it gives you with two brackets, like this [[http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/2731/filename.jpg]]

I see. That thing is weird, in that video.

Also, for future reference, you can make links to specific points in a You Tube video by adding #t=xmyy to the end, where x is minute count and yy is seconds count.

What really gets me about this movie is how useless the other cast members are, Snipes especially, seeing as all he does is constantly fuck up one thing after another. It gets worse, as you will see soon. Hell, even EDMUND is completely useless. How's that? The main character does NOTHING. The plot honestly would hardly be different without him.

And also, how did Stupid the Owl think that an "Adequate" pipe could possible kill them?

EDIT: Oh, and a bit of a note, apparently during the scene where the Grand Duke is cooking, originally he was going to be baking a Skunk into that pie, and proceeding to eat it. Part of me likes to think that he would have killed the protagonist from Skunk Fu.

edited 14th May '10 5:30:54 PM by Emperordaein

^ I was going to get to that... but it looks like you jumped the gun, my friend.

Is....Is That okay with you?

Oh, and another thing. We will quickly see that the concept of size does not seem to exist in Rock a Doodle.

NEXT TIME: Our heroes walk down the road of stupid and blindness, as the viewer gazes into the face of madness.

My God I fucking hate this movie.

I'm keeping an eye on this one