Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, the currency you are payed has so little value 6 figures is barely starvation wage.

I wish I was a Catboy!

Granted, enjoy the spine covered wang.

I wish I had a pizza.

You realise that at one point of your life, you have already had pizza, so it's already fulfilled.

I wish I finally got through the damn Shrine of Amane.

Yes, but the rest of the game 500x harder.

I wish that Michael Bay would stop making movies.

Granted he now makes new Call of Duty games.

I wish to git gud.

Granted. You don't get good, though.

I wish I knew where my 3DS charger was.

It's in your skull. Ouch.

I wish that I was a god.

You are a god of shitposts, you can create terrible memes at will.

I wish for the memes to be better.

Granted, they are so good in fact that all other forms of entertainment are abolished.

I wish my wife would stop nagging me.

Granted, she divorces you instead.

I wish for a war between Islam and Christianity that destroys both religions.

Granted. The war ends in a peaceful unification of both religions—creating an entirely new one.

I wish I had some gum right now.

Granted, here, I'm done chewing it.

I wish I had a miniaturized great white shark for a pet.

granted, and all gum now tastes it tastes terrible… for you.

granted, it has an increased metabolism, meaning you have to feed it constantly, eventually it starves.

i wish i knew what to wish for

edited 22nd Jun '16 9:02:49 AM by Alucart23

Granted. You figure out exactly what your deepest desire is. It horrifies you. You spend the rest of your life in despair wondering how you could possibly be such a despicable, depraved person to want that more than anything else.

I wish I was strong enough to lift 10 tons

Granted, your muscles are strong enough to lift 10 tons... Too bad your skeleton isn't strong enough to support 10 tons after lifting it overhead. You're now a smear of thick paste underneath a 10 ton weight.

I wish for eternal health my current body in an interesting, stimulating, and non-threatening environment.

Granted, it gets super boring after the first 5 years.

I wish for a drink.

Granted. It's Jarate.

I wish I could find real pirate treasure.

It's the cursed gold from Pirates of the Caribbean.

I wish I was a space pirate.

Granted, you get caught and executed.

I wish I was not tired.

Granted. You suddenly experience a massive caffeine rush that leads to heart palpitations and makes you comatose for three weeks 12 hours later.

I wish I could wish for more wishes and not have those wishes end in corruptions.

Granted, but a serial killer kills you before you get the chance to make any wishes.

I wish I was more sociable.

Yes, but only toward serial killers.

I wish that I had a girlfriend who is not a serial killer.

edited 24th Jun '16 10:00:32 AM by hamza678

Granted. She's the female equivalent of a neckbeard.

I wish we lived in more idealistic times.

Granted. Shortly thereafter, more pragmatic aliens take over the world.

I wish I had a ham and cheese sandwich.

Granted. A serial killer then steals your sandwich and kills you.

I wish to be killed by a serial killer.