Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, they are in a orgy.

I wish to kill a eagle wit my own two hands.

Granted. It was filled with venomous snakes, which all bite you violently. You're quickly taken to the hospital, where you fall into a state of catatonia, followed by a quiet death.

I wish I had one arm but I had a poncho and the ability to make a working skeleton arm in place of my missing one.

Granted: it's a Painful Transformation, and the arm with the exposed skeleton is extremely brittle and dry.

I wish to be a Trolling Creator behind successful productions because I fool the fans so entertainingly well.

Or Gen Urobuchi

edited 11th Sep '15 9:19:41 PM by aNinjaWithAIDS

Granted; you're successful, but your fans deplore you. You kind of become Steven Moffat.

I wish I understood Homestuck.

edited 11th Sep '15 9:18:29 PM by trashconverters

Granted; You get the characters, But you still misunderstand the concept.

I wish to be a Dalek.

edited 11th Sep '15 10:03:36 PM by EeveeGirlChey

Granted: you lose your ability to feel, and exterminate your entire family.

I wish I was less of a loser.

Granted, you become only slightly cooler.

I wish to be in the amazon rainforest without a guide or help.

Granted, but you're still lost.

I wish I could type faster

Granted. The page doesn't catch up to you typing, and displays at least one typo before you can fix.

I wish to be a background extra.

Granted. You make a derpy face and become a meme.

I wish I had a really nice bushy beard.

edited 12th Sep '15 9:37:06 AM by trashconverters

Granted. It has birds that peck at your chin incessantly.

I wish to be part of a group that actually does its assigned school project.

Granted. They work mainly at late hours and forbid you from drinking coffee on the grounds that it will make you crash.

I wish I could see every point in human history at will.

Granted, but you see every point in human history simutaneously for only an instant leaving you no time to comprehend any of it.

I wish to have a reputable world record.

Granted. Its the world record for most people murdered at the hands of a single person.

I wish I was a notorious Mafia boss.

All of your underlings are plotting to overthrow you.

I wish I could use ki like a Dragon Ball character.

Granted, you're now Chaotzu.

I wish to be the ruler of Russia.

edited 13th Sep '15 8:44:20 AM by Superjohn

Granted, but you accidemtally break a law and you are executed.

I wish that you wish.

Granted but I wish that you're on fire.

Granted. Fireproof clothes are awesome in times like these.

I wish for a punching bag.

Granted. You are the punching used to train Little Mac.

I wish that tomorrow an infinite energy source is discovered that causes world peace, and all pollution, climate change, deforestation etc. ends forever.

Granted, but it's only peace and prosperity for really rich people. Lower class people are are still put down, even harder now that the rich people have limitless resources and energy. The lower classes have to go literally underground so the rich can hang out in their pristine world.

I wish humanity wasn't such an awful species.

edited 13th Sep '15 3:08:45 PM by KingFeraligatr

Granted, sadly we are killed off by aliens soon afterwards.

I wish to conquer a large country.

Granted. You discover the hard way that running this country is very difficult.

Really, no wish? Okay then.

I wish for The Power of Rock to have the power to change reality in proportion to its awesomeness for as long as the songs/pieces last.

Granted, but this includes terrible teenage garage bands.

I wish I was awesome at worldbuiliding.