Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, but Wacko and Dot Warner sabotage all of the govermental policies by Getting Crap Past the Radar. The United States is in comedic anarchy, and all Yakko can do blow a kiss and say "Good night, everybody!".

I wish for Eren Yeager and Asura to have a competition to see who has more hatred.

edited 21st Jul '15 3:13:56 PM by aNinjaWithAIDS

Granted. It's The End of the World as We Know It.

I wish that YouTube Poop was more popular.

Granted. You Tube channels about poop become popular.

I wish I had Functional Magic.

Granted, but it's Cast from Hit Points and Lifespan at the same time and limited to only the Lame Power of Heart.

I wish for another Cards Against Humanity expansion to be produced and released with critical acclaim.

Granted. However, due to the fact it aims for the Lowest Common Denominator, it ends up being homophobic, transphobic, misogynist and has a personal curse against you, just because you designed it and became a laughing stock for it.

I wish I lived in Yucatan right now.

Granted. You're taken back to ancient times. The Mayans invite you to their ball game, but you lose instantly. Now you're being sacrificed to their gods.

I wish for a mute button for noisy people.

Granted. It's always on, and your definition of noisy, according to the button, is any sound at all! Thank God for closed-captioning.

I wish that Fox News had the answer for fucking once.

They have the answer, but nobody knows the question.

I wish for duck soup.

Granted. Your avatar is the main ingredient.

I wish for the wish after me to be corrupted.

Granted. But because they were already corrupted by default, you reversed the effect.

I wish that Fox News had the answer to an important question.

I think I covered all the bases there.

Granted. Fox News has the wrong answer to overpopulation.

I wish I wasn't so bored.

Granted. A serial killer sure is exciting, right?!

I wish Fox News had the RIGHT answer to an important question.

edited 22nd Jul '15 1:51:29 PM by TheKaBlammer

Granted; but they sure as hell aren't going to share it.

I wish that I had a burger.

Damn it, I got

Granted. They deduce that the answer is forty-two.

I wish the Transformers movies were good.

edited 22nd Jul '15 2:07:29 PM by MapleSamurai

Granted, it's a killer burger that's eating your face off.

Granted, they become so good at sucking ass it collapses the film industry.

I wish I motivation to do something. Not for all things though, just the things I like.

edited 22nd Jul '15 2:07:23 PM by KingFeraligatr

Granted. Serial killers are very good life motivators.

I wish that serial killers were the answer to everything.

Serial killer, but serial killer.

I wish that when the smoke monster comes it won't kill me.

Granted, the world is a barren, lifeless wasteland due to people murdering everything in sight and solving all their problems that way.

Granted, but it kills everything and everyone you've now and loved, causing you to commit suicide in your despair.

I wish I didn't spend hours on this site near daily.

edited 22nd Jul '15 2:16:57 PM by KingFeraligatr

Granted, now you spend years near decade(ly?) on this damn dirty site.

I wish that amiibo was less rare.

Granted, that thing doesn't exist.

I wish people would stop being so fucking stupid.

Granted. Now they're only regular stupid.

I wish I were better at coming up with wishes.

edited 22nd Jul '15 2:41:34 PM by Ripsaw

Granted, but all the people who can't come up with good wishes (like me), come and kill you in jealousy.

I wish everyone was asexual and aromatic (like me), even if it kills us.

Granted. You've just irreversibly, involuntarily violated the autonomy of every single non-asexual and non-aromantic person on the planet, and within minutes of realizing what you've done, you have a Heel Realization, scream "My God, What Have I Done?" and self-terminate.

I wish I didn't have anger issues.

Granted. Now you have systemic depression.

I wish that water was an infinite source.

And before you say we'll drown, I wish we had gils and advanced swimming abilities, as well.

Too bad most of our technology, literature and infrastructure isn't waterproof. You've just set back civilization by a couple centuries.

I wish for enlightenment.