Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted. Unfortunately, now Tegmark multiverse theory is on the curriculum — I hope you like truly stupid amounts of meaningless math homework!

I wish I had salt for my front walk.

Granted. Unfortunately, it's the nasty synthetic 'salt' that makes you look like Micheal Jackson.

too far?

I wish I felt a little more creative tonight.

Granted, you feel more creative about how to commit suicide.

I wish for the ability to see colors beyond ultraviolet at my will and leisure.

Granted, but you lose your ability to see the visible light spectrum, so technically, you're colorblind except for shades of purple and blue.

I wish for better artists of all the good fandoms on deviantart, but not Rule34 or gore.

Granted. But the "better artists" are all pretentious jerks.

I wish I could have seen the pre-show during the Troper Covens movie night tonight.

Granted. It's full of advertisements that are unskippable.

I wish I didn't have insomnia.

Granted. You prick yourself on the spindle, but no one is there to rescue you.

I wish for MOAR CHOCOLAAAAAAATE!!!

edited 7th Mar '15 11:33:33 PM by TroperNo9001

Granted! So that you never run out all food items you touch shall be turned into chocolate. I wager you will quickly come to resent its taste and I do hope you have no plans to join in the whole fitness fanfare that seems so prevalent these days as I don't think you will find much success.

I wish I could control all the tides of the world's oceans.

Granted. You can now control the oceans on the oceanless planet Mercury. What? You didn't say which world you wanted to control the oceans of.

I wish I could travel through time.

Granted. You Retgone your existence by causing your past parents to break up.

I wish for auto-adjusting clothes.

Granted, these clothes are a Patchwork Map of fashion disasters that constantly change into unsightly designs. Gothic metal straps next to rainbow streamers? Yes!

I wish The Bad Guy Wins (always) in video games.

Sadly, Victory Is Boring.

I wish for a pet swallow.

Granted. Your bird is the cutest around, but unfortunately he swallowed the ones that were around, including you.

I wish I had a better memory.

Granted. You remember everything.

I wish to wipe that bad memory where I read a very critical review of my favorite game.

I wasn't biased. I really enjoyed and finished Alpha Sapphire, but that review started giving me second thoughts.

edited 9th Mar '15 8:02:28 AM by TroperNo9001

Granted. I, I don't think there any adverse side effects to that, so, um, you're just really biased now?

I wish it wasn't sprung ahead.

"It" was the antidote to a poison you had accidentally ingested, and it not having been sprung towards you when you needed it, you are retconned as dead.

I wish for a fish.

Granted. Here, have some Puffer Fish. Cooked by an amateur chef.

I wish I liked the sun.

You now read The Sun and slowly find yourself believing every word printed in it.

I wish I had an amazing singing voice.

edited 9th Mar '15 12:06:23 PM by Bisected8

Granted, it's amazingly bad.

I wish you wouldn't use that amazingly bad singing voice; no one wants to hear that noise.

Um... granted, but since you're Everyone, only you get to hear it.

I wish Solip posted in the Tropefy thread more often.

Granted, but she only posts annoying messages.

I wish I could get TV Tropes to stay on the desktop version.

edited 10th Mar '15 6:58:30 PM by lewattoo

I though Solip was a female! (brain drip)

Oh wow. That was SUCH a close ninja!

I wish I was better at reading people's faces.

edited 10th Mar '15 4:09:01 PM by yellowturtle

Granted, it always displays in the desktop mode, but unfortunately the next update is going to completely break that mode so that only the mobile site works.

I wish I knew what the "Tropefy" thread was, because I'm pretty sure I've never even heard of it, let alone posted in it.

Granted. I really just want to bestow 'The Cynic' upon you a second time.

Granted, you get nothing.

I wish smoking (in the sense of "burning dried tobacco, occasionally with other substances such as menthol, herbs, or flavors, and inhaling the smoke produced", although of course any other definitions of the word can be included) wasn't unhealthy or dangerous for anyone, in any way, and that the act of smoking (and all its constituent actions, such as the growing, packaging, and purchase of tobacco) was perfectly legal and practical for anyone who desires to do so.