Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted! Too bad you now live in a world without any magic nor technology more advanced that what can be made with stick and stone.

I wish I could speak and understand birds of prey.

Granted! Sadly, while you can understand them, they have no real language, and so just spout a bunch of gibberish.

I wish I can create ANY piece of technology in my hands at will.

Granted... but it is Orkish Tec level: once it leaves your hands it doesn't work

I wish for simple activateable regeneration

You can only regenerate your toenails twice as quickly.

I wish to have something better to do than sitting at a computer all day long.

You sleep all day long and starve to death.

I wish the world never existed.

Granted. That means you never existed, either, since you are part of the world.

I wish I could think of something to wish for (that didn't involve yet another No Export for You vintage anime or me complaining about myself yet again).

You did make a wish by saying you wish you could wish for something, so your statement is invalidated.

I wish TV Tropes never existed.

Granted. But... you loved TV Tropes so much, you're now suffering a bit of sadness at your loss.

I wish it was Tuesday.

Granted! Everyday is now called tuesday which causes everyone a great deal of confusion and annoyance.

I wish for one of Iðunn's apples.

Granted, but it's rotten, and instead kills you on the spot and sends you to Hel.

I wish for the ability to play music in the heads of other people in addition to myself.

You can only play music that you hate. And you can't turn it off, thus driving you to madness.

I wish to get a very well-paying job.

edited 1st Mar '15 7:34:38 PM by AHI-3000

Granted. You have a job with the mafia.

I wish I had a never-ending, constantly fresh supply of food.

You become obese.

I wish I wasn't a human.

Granted! You are now a potted cactus.

I wish I could edit and review my memories at will.

Deceiving your own mind will eventually backfire on you.

I wish to be married.

Granted. You are married to the mob. GET IT?! Oh, and you get shot and die anyway.

I wish for a new Pokemon game this year

Hey You Pikachu gets another sequel.

I wish I was fireproof.

Granted. Now you can't value your body's vulnerability as much, and end up suffocating in a volcano.

I wish I was better at checkers.

Granted. You are now great at making check marks.

I wish I could go to a pizzeria somewhere.

The pizzeria is halfway across the country.

I wish I had a heart.

You now have a heart, lodged into you lungs

I wish I could fly

Granted, but it's a chicken heart, and there's no way it's going to be able to pump all that blood.

Granted, but you lack the Required Secondary Powers of landing, so...

I wish I remembered what I last wished unwished, and that I remembered to wish to unwish that wish to unwish wishes wished unwished, thus wished.

edited 2nd Mar '15 2:30:45 PM by SolipSchism

Granted, but the wihsing fairy slaps you and throws you into the wishing well

I wish I had a wishing fairy

It's that kind of fairy. Kooloo limpah!

I wish I could get that image out of my mind.

Granted. I'm right here. What? I'm a fairy, and I'm wishing.

Granted. What would you prefer to replace it with:

• Morgan Freeman in women's lingerie smoking a pipe and fileting (that's "to cut into filets", not just a really bad misspelling of "fellating") a kitten, or
• An orgy consisting entirely of Mike Myers lookalikes (and a small white dog)?

I wish that wishing fairy would check herself before she wrecks herself.

edited 2nd Mar '15 2:34:44 PM by SolipSchism