Funny kid stories

Here is a story of Kid!Ozzy.

OK, so I was at a friend's house and had to call home for some reason (I think I'd been invited to stay for dinner or something and wanted to make sure it was OK with my parents.)

Anyway, I try to call home and misdial the number. Cue message saying "We're sorry, your call did not go through." Which I misheard as "We're sorry, you called the Local Trude."

I did not know what a "Local Trude" was but I was pretty sure I was going to get into trouble for calling them.

At age 4 I had a pet egg named Zindow. It was a raw egg.

My friend's toddler daughter likes to share food so much that she will offer you half-eaten food from her plate (or someone else's). She has even been known to force-feed their dog if the dog doesn't accept her "generosity."

That has happened to me, too! Different toddler. Waited until I talked, then shoved a half-eaten quesadilla in my mouth while signing "EAT EAT EAT."

This one handed me a grape that someone had taken a bite out of. I just said "thank you" and threw it away when she wasn't looking.

This happened when my kid was about two years old.

We were at my brother-in-law's house, babysitting his newborn son while him and his wife ran errands. I had mentioned that I was tired, and I let out a big yawn. The kid grabbed my hand and dragged me in to the kitchen, right over to the coffee maker. She said "coffee. coffee. mom coffee."

So I checked out the coffee maker, looked around in the cabinets, and couldn't find any coffee. I told her that I was mad because there was no coffee, and she said, "tantrum?" I told her no, I'd just sit and rest so I wasn't quite as tired.

Wow. She associates coffee with being awake!

She was paying attention when she was a baby! Then again, I did make it easy for her by saying, "I am so tired. I need coffee" every few minutes. (because I really did need coffee every few minutes back then)

I was probably 8 or 9 and my sister was a couple years younger ^note I mean, she continues to be a couple years younger because that's how time works, but I digress: She had suddenly developed compassion for all living things including ants, and I now had an easy way to get her mad that wouldn't get me in much trouble - stomping on anthills. One day my parents went away for the night for some reason, and left us with the next door neighbor, who my mom was friendly with. We were left out in the yard to play on our own for a while during the daytime - I found an anthill to stomp and I guess it made her especially mad because this time she planned revenge: At some point she was alone with the neighbor, who innocently asked her what we wanted for dinner - my sister said we both loved meatloaf, when she knew it was my least favorite food. I can remember crying at the sight of meatloaf, totally baffling the poor neighbor who was unknowingly caught in the middle of Sibling Rivalry.

Dang, your sister was a Magnificent Bastard! I wish I could have thought of that when Little Bro and I were kids!

Cute moment the other day from my kid, who is currently ten years old: I was stressing out about what to pack. (I get to see Twin Bro tomorrow, Squee but I haven't packed yet. I've never been to NJ before, and one day "We're gonna do it up in the city" and go to The Met) The kid interrupted me. "MOM. You're fine. The people in New Jersey aren't going to be looking right at you and judging you. They'll be doing their own things. So just pack what feels good, and everything will be okay."

edited 23rd Nov '17 5:55:41 AM by RaspyMink

Funny memory: When the kid was about two years old, my mom bought her some toy trucks. There was a big car carrier truck, carrying four smaller pickup trucks.

She decided that the car carrier was "Mom Truck," and the pickups were "Baby Trucks." She acted out little stories about Mom Truck taking the babies to the park, and driving around on the streets, and going to the store...

"Mom Truck go Target wif baby trucks. Mom Truck say you can buy a toy. You wanna buy a toy? Baby trucks say fank you mom! And then they drived in the store! That's funny!"

That's cute!

I remember when my nephew was 3, he was playing with cars and trains, and he put the cars in one spot and he said, "Look! Little cars are scared of big train!"

He also once took a Sonic the Hedgehog plush and put the X360 controller in its hands and said, "Look! Sonic's playing Sonic!"

I once asked a 6 year old boy at a daycare where I used to work at about anime (he was reading a manga volume of Ranma 1/2) in 2008. I asked what his favourite series was. He said Cool Devices, which is a hentai. I was afraid to ask any more, so I dropped it. O_o

The kid just learned that they're getting a new baby cousin! (Little Bro and his wife are expecting, yay!)

They told me, "I'll have a new baby! I'll have to helicopter over them! I'll have to watch over them and protect them and teach them how to be good! I'm so proud but it's such a big responsibility! All of my cousins are my babies, Mom. They'll always be my babies forever, even when we're teenagers and adults, and I hope they know that they can come to me for anything."

Like mother, like child.

I work at a thrift shop, and parents have the bad habit of leaving their kids to make a mess of the the toy section while they go look for their adult stuff... But at least it can lead to cute/weird moments, like a kid deciding to do laps around the basement of the store on a scooter while using one hand to rev up a noise-making plastic toy chainsaw like something out of an adorable horror movie.

My kid's BFF is ten years old, and an absolute cinnamon roll. She had this to say about her future job:

"The first thing I wanted to be was a doctor. But then I thought of how many guts I'd have to have my hands in, and decided maybe not." I told her she could be a dermatologist, and she probably wouldn't have to deal with guts once she got out of school. "Yeah, I could work with skin and just give people lotion and stuff—WAIT A MINUTE. I'd have to deal with guts in school?! Even for skin? Nah, I'm gonna be a Fashion Designer."

My nephew is in first grade. His class made a book about their favorite animals. Nephew's favorite is the sea otter. I asked him why. He said something like this:

"Sharks eat sea otters. And humans turn sea otters into food and into furs. But they can defend themselves! When a sea otter jumps out of the water, it makes its eyes shine so cutely that nobody will want to hurt it!"

One time, I met a young girl who had a habit of pronouncing words that began with C or K as the letter T. So when she told me "I've got baby kitties at home", I got the wrong idea and exclaimed "What did you just say?!", horrified that she seemingly already knew the word "titties" at her age. When one of her parents clarified what she meant, I was quite relieved.

Edited by Segal991 on Jul 3rd 2023 at 10:06:53 AM

My cousin's oldest son when he was 2 years old. His uncle (my other cousin) and his wife were discussing having kids (this was many years ago, they have 2 now) They are an interracial couple. Child is asked if he wanted the baby to be brown or a white baby. Child replies "No! Green one!"

When my cousin was a kid, she and I were playing with dolls, but she made the doll she was playing with evil and obsessed with "roasting" the pets. So her doll was trying to roast the cat and I was playing the cat running away. And the cousin made her doll say, "Where's my pussy roaster?".

I once met a little girl who knew what the word "bastard" was at age five. I was both amused and disturbed.

I really like Captain Underpants as a kid. Dreamworks’ adaptation brought back good memories and was really funny to boot.

One December, I went to a free screening of Home Alone, and I heard some comments from a little boy behind me. When one of the Wet Bandits said that "kids are stupid", the boy said, "He said the S-word!", and when one of them got covered in feathers, the boy laughed and said that the man looked like a chicken before it was even mentioned in the movie.

Edited by MisterToodleoo on Jul 5th 2023 at 5:41:38 AM

One time I was staying at a hospital and got a nosebleed. So I wiped my nose on my sock. Then it was dinner time and I had to wear socks outside my room, so I put on the sock that I used to wipe my nose, thinking that the blood had dried. But it wasn't and I got blood everywhere and they thought I was bleeding from my foot and I had to let them do a checkup because I was too embarrassed to admit what I did.

I have a lot of stories mainly from my childhood, but a favorite of mine is the time I saw graffiti reading "fuck you little kids!" on the playground at the age of 5 or so and was enraged.

I then kept telling people how mad I was that they'd write "fuck you little kids" while actually saying the offending phrase repeatedly (and it wasn't "haha, I'm getting away with swearing - I apparently just didn't seem to realize I was swearing, or thought it was okay because I was just quoting what someone else wrote). My parents tried to redirect me to use minced oaths, to no avail.

Apparently, when my dad's friends were over, he'd sometimes ask me "So, what was it that they wrote on the playground?" to get 5 year old me to repeatedly say "fuck you little kids", because it was funny.

Not the only time I repeated profane graffiti without realizing I was swearing at that age. For some reason, someone also scratched the word "fuck" into a piece of playground equipment at my elementary school, and my friend was noticing it, saying that someone wrote a bad word on there. I asked "What, fuck?" and she gasped in horror.