Razzin-Frazzin Robot
I don't think it's that dark.
hey i dunno, why don't you tell me
Consider the most stereotypical context in which someone's hit with a belt. :/
I guess the black belt part changes it somewhat, though; the implication is that it's a counter-threat.
EDIT: Then again, the Black Belt in Origami line is most often uttered in, as it were, self-defense.
edited 9th Feb '15 2:33:08 PM by Knowlessman
i care but i'm restless, i'm here but i'm really gone, i'm wrong and i'm sorry, baby
Razzin-Frazzin Robot
I understand the joke, I just don't think it's that bad. There are way darker jokes pretty much anywhere on the Internet.
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
So? Hitting a kid with a belt in this age isn't dark enough for you that you need a comparative case? Jesus Christ...
A bit of a Black Humor moment from a resident sadist.
"Please...I have a little boy and a pregnant wife!"
"No worries, they're next."
I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.
Razzin-Frazzin Robot
![[up]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/smiles/arrow_up.png "[up]"){kind=icon}
That's a pretty good line on its own, but it's not particularly funny.
Razzin-Frazzin Robot
"With a spring in her step, Sarah set off on her adventure to the great forest, where she was unceremoniously eaten by wolves."
This isn't from any story in particular, I just like how "unceremoniously eaten by wolves" rolls off the tongue.
edited 17th Feb '15 9:41:11 AM by BiggerBen
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
Hah, gave me a good chuckle. ![[tup]](https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Thumbs_up_emoticon_3268.png "[thumb up]"){kind=small}
(That Guy You Met Once)
Seconding that .
The World's Least Powerful Man
Ever wonder how many foods were discovered by a bunch of cavemen fratboys sitting around a pot-fuelled campfire, chanting "Eat it! Eat it!" at someone? Like coconuts. Or pineapples. "This thingy fell out of a tree. Let's smash it open and eat whatever comes out."
Now everyone pat me on the back and tell me how clever I am!
Pretty darn good.
The zombies lurched stiffly through the blizzard, looking for all the world like extras from a low budget Game of Thrones knockoff. As AJ slammed a mag into his pistol, he said... "Icy dead people."
I calmly picked off one walking corpse with one hand and flipped him off with the other.
Forward, boys! For God's sake, forward!
Crazy Kiwi
[Groan]
That said, I like it.
hey i dunno, why don't you tell me
Bumping with a fragment of a line:
"Well, bros before hos."
"[something vaguely pleased that gets cut off, or maybe just a facial expression of somebody getting their hopes up]"
"She's more like a brother to me than you are, and all I ever wanted out of you was [some materialish thing or other]."
edited 2nd Jul '15 4:52:47 AM by Knowlessman
i care but i'm restless, i'm here but i'm really gone, i'm wrong and i'm sorry, baby
The Exia is my waifu
Heh. Bait and switch.
[mumbled something about taking revenge on somebody]
"Revenge isn't an option, it's....."
[12 MINUTES LATER (and much withheld giggling from one of the characters]
".....and that's why you should be the bigger person by not taking revenge."
[cue laughter]
"...what's so funny?"
"Oh, nothing. I'm just appreciating the irony of getting lectured about revenge and morality by somebody who is essentially Kratos with a Stand."
edited 2nd Jul '15 9:46:14 AM by handlere
Seen in the profile picture: the Gundam Flauros Rebake Full City, piloted by McGillis Itsuka, captain of the Turbines
hey i dunno, why don't you tell me
"[something inexcusable]. No offense meant."
"You are a liar."
"I'm sorry?"
"You are twicefold a liar. You intend much offense, good sir, and indeed it is not merely given but taken. Furthermore, you are not in the least bit repentful of that offense, and as my fists shall attest, good sir, it shall be given, taken, and acted upon!"
"Team Ken, baby"
“You better not be, I’ll be very disappointed in you,”
“Well, I’m already quite disappointed in you,”
“Touché. At least this is once off thing, eh? I’ll see you at 3,”
One of the first conversations between my two mains, Heron and Charlie.
edited 20th Aug '15 9:54:05 PM by trashconverters
Stand up against pinkwashing, don't fall for propoganda
This is somewhere around a page in my document, and it's going to be in a breather chapter for my Glee fic Hunting the Unicorn. I'm just wondering if the constant Interrupted Declaration of Love is too long, and I should cut it down to two interruptions instead of three.
“Jeff, if you’re drunk enough to get scared that the world’s going to end, I’m driving us back home because underage drinking is an actual crime instead of just paying money like weed.”
“Quiet. And no, I’m not drunk.” Jeff hopes his pause to think comes off as trying to find the right words, but it’s probably more like ‘crapcrapcrap what was I talking about?’ Because, well, that’s what he’s thinking.
God, Nick always wrecks his plans.
“So…” The blonde kicks at some pine needles, and in the early evening he feels more than sees them. “I like to think I’m a little smarter than Blaine, so I’m not waiting till you overdose or get mugged outside of a club before I tell you—”
“Why do you sound like a chick flick banged a PSA?”
“Shh.” How does he come up with these things? Is it because he’s a stoner? “Mouth closed. No talking.”
At least Nick’s genuinely concerned, even if he’s annoying the shit out of Jeff while he’s at it. “I’m serious, man, you’re not acting—”
“Nick, goddamn it—shut up for thirty seconds!”
And Jeff shoves him against a tree because his plans are speeding right to hell by now, so there’s no possible way he can get more off-track. And whatever Nick’s train of thought is, it’s at least two hours away from Jeff’s intention of saying ‘you are my infuriating stoner of a best friend, but that’s okay and I’m willing to risk having an infuriating stoner of a boyfriend.’
They end up making out for forty-three and a half seconds before Jeff realizes his keys aren’t in his pocket, and now he can’t focus because he’s worried they’ll get locked out or carjacked.
When Jeff breaks away to look for the keys, Nick smirks and pins the blond against a patch of pine needles. “You know, this one chick I had sex with forgot to bring a condom—”
“Nick, let me up.” There’s sap on his hair and jacket—it’s going to take forever to wash out.
“—and she was looking through her bag and all her pockets before I remembered ‘oh wait, I have condoms in the drawer!’ and she fucking jumped me. Relief sex is the best!”
Jeff tries to work out from the weight on his legs. “Nick, I will punch you if you don’t get off!”
The telltale jingle of keys sound out from the other boy’s hand. “You left them in the caaaaar,” he sings at Jeff.
“You bastard!”
This really doesn’t bode well for his stress in the next lifetime or so. But then Nick presses the keys into his hand, laughs something strange and wonderful right into the corner of Jeff’s jaw, and he thinks that heart problems wouldn’t be too bad as long as Nick made that noise all the time.
edited 21st Aug '15 2:21:52 AM by Sharysa
(That Guy You Met Once)
A random line I came up with that would fit well into a Video Review Show.
Edit:
edited 23rd May '16 4:37:52 PM by Wheezy
Project progress: The Adroan (102k words), The Pigeon Witch, (40k). Done but in need of reworking: Yume Hime, (50k)
Grr... <3
I feel I've heard that one before. It would depend on delivery as to if it was funny I think.
(That Guy You Met Once)
I'm sure It's Been Done before, but I have no idea where. Thanks, though.
Edit: Also, "the critic panning something and then apologizing to it like a girlfriend" definitely gets done all the time, but I've never heard it lampshaded like that..
edited 23rd May '16 7:39:13 PM by Wheezy
Project progress: The Adroan (102k words), The Pigeon Witch, (40k). Done but in need of reworking: Yume Hime, (50k)
(That Guy You Met Once)
Also...
@Knowlessman: Very clever, but the last line is far too long to be a punchline, so in order for it to be funny, I think it would have to be subverted. Like, if's a Wicked Cultured character giving that speech and an emotionless hero responds with 'OK.'
@Trashconverters: Not laugh out loud funny, but a good bit of deadpan snark. I'd trim it down and clarify the last line.
“You better not, I’ll be very disappointed in you,”
"Not as much as already I am in you.”
"Touche. Well, at least this is a one-off thing. See you at three."
@Sharysa: I'll get to that soon, but it's long and I'm writing a script right now.
edited 23rd May '16 7:50:56 PM by Wheezy
Project progress: The Adroan (102k words), The Pigeon Witch, (40k). Done but in need of reworking: Yume Hime, (50k)
Professional Writer & Amateur Scholar
From my story, a Shrek-like medieval fantasy parody.
"God, I can't wait for ground attack aircrafts to be invented."
(That Guy You Met Once)
I'd say "God, I can't wait for them to invent planes." or "God, I can't wait for ground attack aircraft."
I'm not a humor expert, but I always hear that the rule is "Punchlines as short as possible and the funny word goes at the end." Even if it means not being as specific as possible, because the audience will still get it.
edited 25th May '16 2:33:03 PM by Wheezy
Project progress: The Adroan (102k words), The Pigeon Witch, (40k). Done but in need of reworking: Yume Hime, (50k)
Grr... <3
I think that line would also be too anachronistic for a Shrek story.
hey i dunno, why don't you tell me
He did say "parody." He could be going the extreme Anachronism Stew angle.
i care but i'm restless, i'm here but i'm really gone, i'm wrong and i'm sorry, baby
So, I just thought of this here thing, but, uh; warning: potentially a bit dark.