Power Imbalances in Relationships

I've recently realized that many of the romantic couples in my writing project have aspects of Unequal Pairings. Keep in mind that these pairings include non-heterosexual couples and the man is not the stronger in all cases. Some examples include(some couples have more than one of these):

• Character A is the boss of/has a higher ranking than Character B
• Character C is a warrior/fighter while Character D is far more domestic
• Character E is more educated than Character F (in this universe, many people are illiterate due to much weath being needed for education)
• Character G is more weathy than Character H

Could this lead to Unfortunate Implications or other problems?

(edit: clarified that these qualities don't exclusively refer to ONE couple)

edited 5th Jan '13 12:36:09 PM by TheMuse

So A is a wealthy, well educated, high ranking warrior while B is a low-ranking, poor, uneducated domestic servant?

An interesting look at Nobility Marries A Peasant.

These aren't refering exclusively to one couple, rather some qualities of previously mentioned couples in question. Although one of the couple is indeed, an educated, wealthy aristocrat (who does have some knowledge of fighting) and an illiterate member of the lower class (who does not)

It really depends upon how you handle the relationships in question. Saying that this is the way that things are "meant to be" or suggesting that these uneven relationships are never a cause for conflict would certainly seem questionable, but if you handle the matter realistically—whether it paints both parties entirely sympathetically or not—you are not likely to stray into that territory.

Also, the fact that you are sensitive to this and not defensive is a good sign.

Yes. Yes yes yes. Does it have to? No. As JHM says just keep doing what you're doing and be aware of possible pitfalls.

Based off those descriptions alone, I'd say no. In fact, I'd go on to say that lots - probably even the majority - of Real Life relationships contain at least one of those elements.

The only potentially problematic one is the boss/employee one; and only where one tries to abuse the relationship; for instance the boss using his/her power to force the relationship or for the employee to start one for the purpose of furthering his/her career or to curry favouritism.

Anything can lead to Unfortunate Implications if its handled badly. But there doesn't seem to be anything intrinsically wrong with any of those situations. In fact, they may present opportunities to make interesting relationship dynamics, opportunities that might not come with more "balanced" relationships.

@The Muse, the only way these relationships would be bad depends on what era the story is set. In the present day, relationships between bosses and subordinates is a legal minefield. As far back as the 50's, it wasn't an issue. Women were expected to "marry up", that's one of the reasons that women's paychecks were much smaller in the 50's. Most employers just assumed that a woman had or was going to get a husband.

As for more education or wealth, again that's not an issue if justified in the story (either when it's set or discussed). I remember a tv program talking about some english prince who served in the Royal navy in the 60's. He found it unfair that some sailors could barely read or write but he went to Oxford, all because of who their parents were.

You may have the wrong decade - I don't think there were no English princes in the RN in the 60's (Charles was 22 in 1970, and Phillip his father had served in the War)

Muse - I think its only Unfortunate Implications if the story can be read a presenting group A as subservient to group B, though it depends on background. There are examples of White fathers to babies born to black women in slave era America, but not the other way round. Of course this doesn't mean white women are not attractive.

The conflicts you outline can be used as plot drivers: Parents belive their child married below them, or strain on a relationship because one partner doesn't believe they are good enough for the other.

And some other things don't even need to matter in the relationship if it's not that kind of story. Maybe Bob's higher level of education doesn't have much of an effect on his marriage with Alice, or Sue's wealth isn't a factor in her relationship with Brian. Now, that doesn't mean you can just ignore the implications (family stress because Bob's parents think he "married down", for example) but it's very possible to write a story that handles things realistically without making those issues the main focus.

What Locksley said.

I think one partner being more combat-oriented and one being domestic is kind of the default, isn't it? I mean, you do of course get some couples that aren't, but I don't think they're that common.

There is the battle couple, or things can get sideways. I saw a couple that was a nurse and a cop celebrating their anniversary at a TGI Fridays (his friends told the staff and they got cake). The cop is more "combat" so to speak, the nurse more domestic.

In the real life US military, it happens. Two soldiers fall in love and marry. Now one can leave the service (decide to quit, get pregnant, medically retire) or they can both stay in.

One parent in a story be a retired badass due to injury or trauma (or traumatic injury). He or she stays home and the other character goes out and fights. Or a teacher who married a former student. The teacher quits for some reason but the former student is now successful and earns more than the teacher did.

A couple I knew at who worked at the Polytechnic where I worked had an "imbalance" - she was a head of department, he was a tutor.

Consequently, when she got pregnant she took a brief time off on paid maternity leave to have the baby then, by mutual agreement, he took an extended unpaid leave to stay at home and be house-husband and look after the baby while she went back to work.

He was quite happy being "house-husband" and as far as he was concerned "When you're down to one pay packet, HOD vs Tutor pay - no contest."