Dapper Gentleman
Dorothy Gale is in the midst of a bizarre adventure. Things had been strange enough when a cyclone touched down in Kansas, swallowing up her house and herself with it, but now things are becoming curiouser and curiouser.
A strange, silvery vehicle appears outside the window of the flying, storm-tossed cabin. Out of the front window leans a wild-eyed, white-haired man clad in a lab coat over a flower-patterned shirt. Fixing that intense gaze on Dorothy, he yells, "Get out of your tornado, you and your little dog, too! We've got no time to waste!"
As for the next:
We have no choice...send in the Cephalopods!
"And every life is a special story of its own." —The Stargazer, Mass Effect 3
The radar blinked and blinked, showcasing the location of the lost nuclear bomb. Unfortunately for the crew of the battleship trying to retrieve it, it had fallen right down to the bottom of the sea, at a depth at which not even the submersibles could get at.
"Sir, what do you propose we do?" the second-in-command asked the captain. "None of our submarines can get to the bomb at this point!"
The captain placed a hand on his forehead and sighed. "The situation is desperate. We need that bomb to win this war." He looked up again and faced his commander. "We'll have to resort to our trained crew of giant squids."
The co-captain's eyes widened. "We have to resort to the squids?"
"We have no choice," the captain responded before picking up the intercom. "Send in the Cephalopods!"
Next line: Since when did zombies celebrate New Year's Eve?
Icon by Civvi the Civilian!
A little kid sees a bunch of fireworks in the night sky on New Year's Eve out there in the zombie-infested danger zones and asks, "Since when did zombies celebrate New Year's Eve?" His mother explains that it was humans who were setting off the fireworks, in order to distract the zombies while they scavenge for supplies.
Next line: I will fry those eggs WITH MY MUSCLES!
The Hero's superpower is that his skin is very hot. Like the top of an oven hot. This is just a Badass Boast.
"So what you're trying to say to me is... we just died in someone's ass?"
The speakers have been shrunk for some reason or other. They were then swallowed by a donkey and drowned momentarily while being rescued, restored to original size, and resuscitated.
Next line:
edited 18th Dec '12 8:45:11 PM by Leradny
The character is rationalizing as to why the Big Bad didn't fall for the fake McGuffin they planted; it just came out wrong.
"You're the only two people I know who could bust a gut laughing at a box of rice"
(For the record, It Makes Sense in Context in the story. And no, they weren't high)
edited 19th Dec '12 5:41:24 AM by SalFishFin
Aussie Tolkien freak
The hero is commenting on his twin brothers' Tendency to laugh at weird stuff.
"Look, kid. You're really sick, so no leaving bed for you!"
edited 19th Dec '12 6:33:46 PM by MorwenEdhelwen
The road goes ever on. -Tolkien
Ace is annoyed by Tango calling her kid, even more annoyed at being treated like an invalid she doesn't feel that bad, and besides she had once walked the ten miles home with full blown Red Fever. Little did she know she had almost died last night and it was just the drugs making her feel ok.
But what about all these stupid bananas?
Apparition in the Woods
A bumper crop for tropical fruit has occurred, and a small-town supermarket has benefitted greatly from the sudden influx of fabulous produce... well, has mostly benefited. Unfortunately, most of the townsfolk have a mysterious allergy to potassium-rich foods. Thusly, the store's employees have found themselves up to their necks in overripe bananas, and all of the cliché slapstick that this implies.
The sentence in question can be heard coming frequently from the mouth of the store's long-suffering chief clerk. Initially, it was a cri-du-coeur, an impassioned scream of dismay, but now he simply mutters it to himself, day in and day out, an eternal mantra of ever-escalating petty madness.
It is all but certain at this point that he will die of a broken neck after stepping in the wrong place at the wrong time. He counts the hours.
"But why 'Psycho Killer'? There are other Talking Heads songs out there."
I'll hide your name inside a word and paint your eyes with false perception.
Joe once mentioned that he's a fan of the band The Talking Heads. Sandy remembers this so she tells the DJ to play a Talking Heads song right before Joe is introduced to accept an award. He plays Psyco Killer which really sets the wrong mood. Joe is mad.
Wednesday?!? By Wednesday we will be knee deep in chitinous exoskeletons!
edited 24th Jan '13 6:45:50 AM by HistoryMaker
Cheesus!
The heroes have been cursed with a curse that slowly turns them into exoskeletons, and they've worked out how long they have left.
"I want to know this life by your side."
edited 25th Jan '13 7:19:14 AM by sunember123
The setting is a high fantasy multiverse. Near the start of the story, our two main protagonists meet: Treesa is a traveller from a beautiful, near-utopian world, Tookin an inhabitant of the more dangerous world in which the main action takes place. A friendship develops between the two almost immediately, slowly growing over the course of the story, and near the end they announce their love for each other. They face and overcome the the story's climax, and, at the very end, they find themselves with a choice: Treesa can travel between worlds, but Tookin cannot. Tookin tries his best to convince Treesa to return to the safety and beauty of her homeworld. Treesa takes Tookin's hand, smiles, and tells him that there is much worthy in his world — him, for example — much that she still wants to see and explore. Her final line of dialogue is the line above: "I want to know this life by your side."
The Dark Lord ate the custard?!
My Games & Writing
Impossible Gender Forge
Our local Lethal Chef had prepared a nice custard for our eating pleasure. In our best self-interest, we hid it in a Bag of Holding. Later, it managed to.. escape. Then the Big Bad, a Dragon ate it.
Which more or less ended the fight for us!
Dear God, they're copulating!
edited 24th Jan '13 5:19:21 PM by Matues
Avatar Sakaki Ignore cat
The former assistant of a now deceased Mad Scientist who has been growing elephant sized mutant poodle's in his laboratory finds himself confronted with said elephant sized mutant poodles... Copulating.
Duck tells me I must look a treat, I look my best so I tell him!
I'm so sorry that my avatar doesn't appear fully in the shot, but the cat was threatening the photographer.
Mike handsome lovable rogue is suffering from aphasia and trippy hallucinations due to a brain infection. He's attempting to hit on his nurse. She gives him a polite smile.
'"We've been enemies for fifteen years. " "But you're only fourteen." "Exactly.'''
edited 25th Jan '13 4:45:50 PM by HistoryMaker
The guy had the dude's mother as his enemy for the year the dude was conceived, so by extension, he was his enemy for fifteen years.
"Is anyone on fire? Yes, exceptionally so!"
The setting is a superhero story, the scene the aftermath of a large fight. One of the less-powerful characters ran out as soon as the fighting began, and runs in at the end carrying a fire extinguisher, not bothering to pause long enough to look around before asking whether anyone was on fire.
One character, whose powers include nigh-invulnerability, had burning napalm dumped on them during the fight. This person, whose personality includes much snarkiness, answers with the line above.
"What do you mean, 'the kittens are coming'?! That's impossible!"
My Games & Writing
Avatar Sakaki Ignore cat
A colonel asks a private what's happening to the people who have "gone over the top". The reply is unexpected, but explains the cries of "retreat!" The colonel responds by shouting the above.
How would you like to orange juice transformation poodle?
edited 25th Jan '13 5:24:49 PM by porschelemans
I'm so sorry that my avatar doesn't appear fully in the shot, but the cat was threatening the photographer.
It's a code OJTP stands for On the Job Training Program. Trage is offering Chip the chance to become a apprentice spy. If the boy understands and responds with something like "yes I would thank you " , then he's got the job. If he acts confused or asks "what?" he's out.
Zebras! Always think zebras!
A pride gets transported to a savanna-esque environment in another world. The above statement is what the alpha lion tells his comrades in order to motivate them to endure the trials of the alien world: "Zebras! Always think zebras! Think about what would it be like to taste their meat again!"
And suddenly the hobo exploded.
edited 25th Jan '13 11:24:10 PM by fillerdude
"The ability to make anything explode, huh?" Bob asked skeptically.
"Yes, anything," the hobo confirmed. "In fact, I'll demonstrate. Give me a target and I'll pop em like a pimple. You can pay me for the parlor trick afterwards."
"Okay," Bob said. He was still hesitant about this power but regardless, it caught his curiosity. "How about you explode a nearby hobo?"
"Deal," the hobo agreed, then he stretched out his arm to gather energy around him. After a few seconds, two small red energy balls begin to appear in both of his palms. He bring them together to create a large ball. More seconds of concentration came after. After a while, the hobo looked left and right to look for a perfect target.
Then he found out that there is no other hobo.
"OH SHI-!" He screamed. And suddenly, the hobo exploded.
"Huh, I guess your power are real, then," the now impressed Bob said. "Hey, tell you what, here's the change, keep doing magic, my old man."
He dropped $7000 onto the deceased hobo's lap and Bob went to his merry way.
Go to this orc's stand up comedy gig, you say, he is really hilarious, you say...
http://www.last.fm/user/sgtpendulum Yo, check out what I'm listening, it'll be heat, brah :^)
Avatar Sakaki Ignore cat
A Unsuspecting Bystander. tricked by a massive sadist into going to a "stand up comedy" gig presented by an orc who tears the head off chickens, finds the words to respond to their trick...
DIE! DIE! DIE YOU MISOGYNISTIC BASTARD! DIE!
edited 26th Jan '13 11:34:05 AM by porschelemans
I'm so sorry that my avatar doesn't appear fully in the shot, but the cat was threatening the photographer.
Max finds a picture of her father. She tapes it to her punching bag. Things get a little out of hand.
Rice pudding, guacamole, ketchup, and beef stew.
There were two pieces of paper on the sage's table: the list of MacGuffins that the Chosen Hero was to collect in order to save the world, and the sage's grocery list (as the "beef stew" item shows, the sage doesn't care to do his own cooking). Alas for the perplexed Chosen Hero, he finds that he is not holding the former...
"Where is the custard?! When I get that stupid desert I'm going to show it 'it's just three doors down, ma'am'!"
edited 26th Jan '13 3:14:01 PM by ArsThaumaturgis
My Games & Writing
Much like Whamise This Line
, this is a sort of game where one person posts a line, and the person below you has to write out where it fits.
However, instead of writing the circumstances of why the line is shocking, like with the aforementioned game, you must add context to the nonsensical line. I'll start.
"Get out of your tornado!"