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Stars Above Discussion Thread:

 151 Forzare, Sat, 5th May '12 2:37:41 PM from Hinamizawa
Reason and Madness
If only popularity = not-shittiness.

And if it makes you feel any better, your fanfic has six times as many reviews as my serious story.

HINT FUCKING HINT RARE
 152 Rareitor, Sat, 5th May '12 3:50:52 PM from the house of cards. Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
Computer Eyes
You have midterms next week?

I have midterms next week.

this means: there is nothing but calculus, biology and etc. in my mind until I am done with that.

it hurts
"OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR" - Forzare
 153 Fringe Benefits, Sat, 5th May '12 5:14:00 PM from in your basement Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Observer
FLUNK YOUR MIDTERMS. REVIEW MY CHAPTERS.

Also, if I may step slightly off-topic for a moment:

THE AVENGERS. OH MY GOD.

-multiple simultaneous orgasms-
 154 Fringe Benefits, Mon, 7th May '12 9:29:09 PM from in your basement Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Observer
And continuing the run of the BEST WEEK EVER...

MAY 7TH, 2012

NOW OFFICIALLY DECLARED MADOKA SWAG DAY.
 155 Fringe Benefits, Sat, 12th May '12 3:50:23 PM from in your basement Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Observer
New Demon Profile. Wasn't sure about writing this one, but I thought about it and decided that it wouldn't hurt to drop just a few tantalizing hints about the uber-Demon.
 156 Rareitor, Sat, 12th May '12 5:01:14 PM from the house of cards. Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
Computer Eyes
Despite my calculus induced headache, I was able to read that... pretty cool! I don't think this was a mistake at all, it's kind of nice to have this "field report" on her.

Also, SCP material ftw

Also also, Sieglinde, ICWUTUDIDTHAR?

also... fuck it, I need ice for this thing -shoves head into fridge-
"OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR" - Forzare
 157 Fringe Benefits, Sat, 12th May '12 6:52:59 PM from in your basement Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Observer
Glad you liked it! I hope your headache gets better soon, bro.

Aiming to have the next chapter done tomorrow... I ran into a major setback in that I had to substantially rewrite about two and a half pages after I caught a major continuity error (derp), but it's progressing fairly well now.
 158 Fringe Benefits, Sun, 13th May '12 10:12:19 PM from in your basement Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Observer
Chapter 16 is up.

I hope this is up to my usual standards... I didn't enjoy writing certain parts of this as much as I should have. Hope it doesn't show.

YAYOI-CHAN, Y U SO ADORABLE

So, been reading for a bit now and I figure I owe some feedback. It's exam week at my school, but I promise some real reviews after that.

I just have one question about the latest chapter. There is absolutely no question in my mind that Desideria raped Homura. I believe that was left intentionally unambiguous, and dear God was it ever painful to read. The emotional fallout is going to be terrible.

But are we meant to know whether Kagami realizes exactly what was happening or not? From her narration, it seems possible that she thought Desideria was only causing Homura physical pain, although the "all she wants is this" line would seem to give it away. If the answer is "No, you don't know if she knows yet or not", then I'm fine to wait and see. But if it was meant to be obvious that Kagami did/didn't get it... then I didn't get it.
 160 Fringe Benefits, Wed, 16th May '12 9:35:29 AM from in your basement Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Observer
Yes, that was what was happening, though it was via her Soul Gem instead of direct contact with her body... sort of the inverse of what Kyubey did to Sayaka in ep 7. As for Kagami, she didn't realize what was happening at first, but by the end she definitely knew... though not the exact method, of course. She still doesn't know the whole truth about what a contract entails.

edited 16th May '12 9:36:15 AM by FringeBenefits

 161 Fringe Benefits, Fri, 18th May '12 5:00:09 AM from in your basement Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Observer
Computer's down. I'm writing this from my Revue, so I can still check email and TVT and stuff, but obviously the next chapter is on hold until I can do repairs.

EDIT: Disaster temporarily averted. I'm back online, I've got my data, and I'm reinstalling Word and stuff now.

edited 18th May '12 3:06:11 PM by FringeBenefits

 162 Fringe Benefits, Sun, 20th May '12 4:03:36 PM from in your basement Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Observer
AND NOW YAYOI-CHAN GETS TO BE A RECIPIENT OF MY SPECIAL BRAND OF FANFIC LOVE, THE KIND I RESERVE FOR MY MOST FAVORITE CHARACTERS.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
 163 Rareitor, Sun, 20th May '12 4:32:02 PM from the house of cards. Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
Computer Eyes
I am making no promises after I finish reviewing Stars Above, but I'll try to read it when I do.
"OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR" - Forzare
 164 Fringe Benefits, Sat, 26th May '12 5:36:32 PM from in your basement Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Observer
Part 2 of Respect is now up.

Gonna try to work on the next chapter of SA tomorrow.
 165 Enthryn, Sat, 26th May '12 7:15:26 PM from Earth Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
Ah, this can only end well. I take it Respect is set in a pre-Madokami universe, then?
Prendre le bien, le mal et sans trier, accepter
Sans couvrir tes yeux, tout regarder.
 166 Fringe Benefits, Sat, 26th May '12 7:28:24 PM from in your basement Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Observer
Yup, pre-Madokami and pre-Precure. The team didn't start to form up until Miyuki/Cure Happy transferred in the first episode, after all... so Kyubey got to her first.
 167 Fringe Benefits, Sun, 3rd Jun '12 12:33:03 PM from in your basement Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Observer
GUESS WHAT, FUCKSTICKS.

I finally broke my mental block. Chapter 17 is well underway. YOU CAN'T ESCAPE MY STORY THAT EASILY, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
 168 Rareitor, Sun, 3rd Jun '12 12:46:55 PM from the house of cards. Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
Computer Eyes
I expect great evil and torture when I read this because I will
"OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR" - Forzare
 169 Enthryn, Sun, 3rd Jun '12 1:21:47 PM from Earth Relationship Status: Having tea with Cthulhu
Jolly good! Looking forward to more cuteness and cheerful slice of life!
Prendre le bien, le mal et sans trier, accepter
Sans couvrir tes yeux, tout regarder.
 170 Fringe Benefits, Sun, 3rd Jun '12 4:01:22 PM from in your basement Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Observer
[up][up]LIAR

FINISHED. This was the most fiendishly difficult chapter to date, but I have to say I'm proud of it. I just need to wait for Forz to get his ass back home so he can read it and give the okay. "Visiting with family", my lily-white backside.

IT'S A GIRL, ISN'T IT. YOU'RE SEEING SOMEONE BEHIND MY BACK.
 171 Rareitor, Sun, 3rd Jun '12 5:05:29 PM from the house of cards. Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
Computer Eyes
... why you!?

ok then, I SHALL PROVE THIS TO YOU! -goes to procrastinate before reading SA-
"OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR" - Forzare
 172 Forzare, Sun, 3rd Jun '12 5:32:20 PM from Hinamizawa
Reason and Madness
T'S A GIRL, ISN'T IT. YOU'RE SEEING SOMEONE BEHIND MY BACK.
it's cute how you think that this is a thing that could happen
 173 Rareitor, Sun, 3rd Jun '12 5:34:01 PM from the house of cards. Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
Computer Eyes
Good point, Forz is a faithful man who would never betray his life partner.

... I might not have interpreted that right.

edited 3rd Jun '12 5:42:53 PM by Rareitor

"OH GOD WHY AM I A CAR" - Forzare
 174 Fringe Benefits, Sun, 3rd Jun '12 5:51:21 PM from in your basement Relationship Status: Buried in snow, waiting for spring
Observer
OH GOD IT IS A GIRL I KNEW IT

I WILL NOW GO DROWN MYSELF IN PIZZA AND SADNESS
So let me talk about my overall impression of the story. I may or may not go back and talk about previous chapters in detail but I'll try to give at least a few words about the upcoming chapters. I know I spoilered stuff about chapter 16 but bluntly I don't feel like an entire post of white bars so skip this if you're inexplicably reading the thread without being caught up on the story.

First, the bad.

Let me admit that I initially hated part of the premise. I didn't like that the demons are so similar to witches. The "second stage" thing seemed like an excuse to have the creatures we saw as identical become customized, like witches. Also like witches, they have personal pocket dimensions based on the psyche of a person whose negative emotions created them, filled with little servant creatures. The similarity seemed pointless, unnecessary and unjustified, especially since it didn't contribute to their menacing aspects (intelligence, only Homura is there to fight them, et cetera) for a while. I guess I've come around; you've done some interesting things with the barriers and expanded on what makes them different from witches.

This wasn't an instant turn-off like the demons were, but I did feel a little exasperated at all Kagami and Vittoria's parallels with Madoka and Gretchen. But it was obvious from the start that you were going somewhere important with it, and you've already explored some of the implications to my satisfaction, so I'm just waiting to see what happens next.

I didn't feel a lot of impact from the flashbacks. A few factors went into that. Everything that happens is a foregone conclusion, since we knew from the beginning who would live and who would die. It's so relentlessly bleak that, at least to a certain extent, it went past tragedy and into Rocks Fall, Everyone Dies. Also, the only part of the flashback that could affect anything in the present is Homura, Kyubey, and Vittoria, so the rest was kind of like "Eh." It was a little upsetting to read about so many important characters dying, especially since you also talked about how they were happier in post-Madoka world (thinking mostly about Yuri/Airi and Kyouko/Mami here), but it didn't feel as tragic as it could have.

And now, the good, or at least the parts that I think accomplish what you want to accomplish.

Jesus, Homura's life is so goddamn sad. I just want something, ANYTHING, good to happen to her.

I've seen a lot of fanfiction, and some other fiction, use rape as the cheapest form of drama. It's the easiest, most pathetic form of Kick the Dog to have some antagonist randomly throw a rape threat at a female character (ALWAYS a female character; the males they usually accuse of being gay or incestuous, because authors who do this have not mentally or emotionally moved past high school) and it repulses me from the story every time I see such a lazy portrayal. That is not Desideria. It is deeply built into her character to try and violate everyone she comes in contact with. She is awful on every possible level and I want her to get shot in the face. Again. She is a damn good villain and I can't wait for her to go away forever. The mirrors can't be all there is to her Lair, can they? I don't want to know. I want her to step on a land mine.

I've never seen a second of Lucky Star, but I feel like I know and care about the main characters (except poor Miyuki, she hasn't gotten much screen time, has she?), so good job there. Konata seems like the kind of character I could find annoying, but she's a nice balance of being Genre Savvy, Wrong Genre Savvy, and genuinely caring under it all. Tsukasa has really pulled through these last few chapters. I hope that maturity helps her handle the other shoe dropping with Miyuki. Kagami's slow transformation into a badass is deeply satisfying. I hope she can turn Homura's bad habits around and stop this "I will be distant to protect you" crap. Although I bet that's not their biggest issue anymore, is it? Fuck you, Desideria.

Hmmm... what else... good job with Kyubey. I like your writing style and the action sequences are easy to follow and imagine. I'm scared and excited to know what happens next. Hey, in this chapter, Kagami beats the shit out of all the demons and it turns into a slice of life romcom, right? And Homura gets the harem end with Godoka and Kagami and her soul gem stays light forever with the magic of lesbians?

Right?
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