Children's Letters To Santa

Dear Ms. Fanservice Anime Girl,

Here's a thick fur robe, a pair of jeans, and some decent underwear. Go cover yourself before those guys ogle at you.

- Santa

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Dear Santa,

Every foal in school has got their cutie marks but me. Can you please give me one NOW?!?

- A random distressed filly

"Rarity, are you okay? We gotta get you and your friends outta here soon!"

Dear Filly,

Sorry, my child, I can't give you a cutie mark, as that is something you can only earn yourself by discovering something you're talented at. Come on! Go out and find activities that you love and are good at.

- Santa

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Greetings, Human Gift-Giving Spirit otherwise known as Santa Claus.

I am X-6. I need to hide because I fled my brethren. They have attacked me because I was unable to kill a child who saved me. Lord Maou says emotions and empathy towards humans are inferior. What should I do?

~From X-6~

I am the most suitable partner for Gaia. I have some bad news. You will not make it to Eden. This is the end of your journey.

Dear X-6:

Here's a few books to aid you in understanding humanity, and a map to a safe house. Run, hide, and wait things out for a bit. Eventually, Maou will desire to have you back, and pretend your little slip-up never happened.

Be good now, you hear? -Santa Claus.

   DEAR SANTA CLAUS.   

   TIS I, THE OMEGA FRAGMENT. I AM CURRENTLY STUCK IN THE ARMOR OF A DEAD SOLIDER. WOULD YOU MIND REACTIVATING THEIR RADIO? THE HOST IS DECAYING, AND I AM STRANDED.   

   FOR NOW, ANYWAY. THEN I WILL CONTINUE MY PLANS. MUAAHAHAHAH!   

   SINCERELY, OMEGA. :D   

   P.S: CAN YOU FIND SOME WAY OF HURTING THAT BLUE IDIOT'S FEELINGS?   

Dear Omega

I've dealt with a lot of Omegas, and if you're the Omega I think you are...

NO. I am NOT starting another apocalypse.

Sincerely, Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa

Could you bring Zero back for Christmas? Ceil would like that a lot!

Love
Allouette

Oh look, a ghost!

Dear Allouette

I'm sorry, but Zero doesn't want to go back yet.

Apologies, Santa

_____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

Can you send someone to remove my corpse from this suit? I want this agony to end.

Regards from my personal Hell, Purple Guy (aka Springtrap)

edited 9th Aug '16 5:46:15 AM by Weirdguy149

It's been 3000 years…

dear springtrap,

lol no fuck you. you got what was coming to you for the shit you did.

-santa
—
Dear Santa,

I would like to meet my hero, Lobster Johnson. Can you find me a way to meet him?

-Hellboy

Dear Hellboy

You've been a very good boy this year Hellboy- so why not? I'll arrange something for you.

Love
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa

Have You Seen Our God? We've been looking everywhere, but we can't find him in heaven!

Love
Most of the Angels from In Nomine

edited 9th Aug '16 9:13:53 AM by BlizzardeyeWonder

Oh look, a ghost!

Dear Angels,

God should be everywhere, so just talk to Him in prayer.

Not the best religious guide, Santa Claus

_____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I wanna have a pretty girl ta take home ta Mamma.

Love, Johnny Bravo

It's been 3000 years…

Dear Johnny,

We still have a quota to fill. So, don't expect too much, ok?

Loves and kisses,

Santa

Dear Santa,

Can I have a gift instead of coal in my stockings this Christmas? Pretty please.

Love,

xXx_R4nd0mK1d42_Xx

ACCOUNT NO LONGER USED. *straps on jetpack*

Dear kid who I'm assuming is from Xbox Live,
If you'd stop being such a damn brat all the damn time and start being more respectful of your mother who constantly spoils you, then maybe. Why don't you start by stop being a friggin' annoying greifer on Minecraft and shouting racial and homophobic slurs on Call Of Duty and Halo every time you lose a match?
-Santa
—
Dear Santa,
Can you get the internet to stop writing these weird stories about me brutally killing and raping people and then having sex with the person writing the story? I'd very much appreciate that.
-Shrek

ninja'd

edited 10th Aug '16 9:07:47 AM by I-Teleported-Bread

Dear Shrek

I wish they'd stop that too, but I can't control people's minds. If it's any consolation, they're all getting coal this year for making such horrible things. How about that?

Sincerely
Santa
P.S. As an aside, all of your children have been very good this year! You should be a proud father. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Santa

I have it all so i'm not asking for anything but i have alot of h8rs, so could you get rid of those thanks :D

From the depths of this delicate yet strong woman's heart
Mirakelle Kronella

edited 10th Aug '16 1:09:46 PM by BlizzardeyeWonder

Oh look, a ghost!

Dear woman with a hard-to-remember name,

I do not murder anyone. I make toys and happiness, not corpses and obituaries. Expect some coal next Christmas.

-Santa

____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

It's very cold up here this winter, can I have a coat?

-Quasimodo

P.S. Please don't tell Frollo I sent this.

It's been 3000 years…

Dear Quasimodo,

Of course! You deserve something after all the garbage you've been through.

Also, don't worry about Frollo. He is a horrible, horrible man, but some day he will get what he deserves.

- Santa Claus

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If you can, then please read this in Mark Hamill's voice.

Dear Ol' Sandy Claus,

I'm just about to kick off my very own Christmas special! If all goes well, people all over Gotham will watch my Christmas antics with my brand new family! Here's to hoping that Batman, that silly old Scrooge, doesn't put an end to my fun, riiiight?

- The Joker

edited 10th Aug '16 2:11:34 PM by DrNoPuma

I haven't played the particular game that Tango is from, but still... robo kitty. :D

Dear Quasimodo.

Here is a coat, and some bread. You've been a very good boy this year, and no matter what everyone else says, you're absolutely dashing.

NO, NO, NO.

No.

Expect the Batman to be approaching your location. Which is kind of what you want. Oddly.

-SC.

Dear Santa.

Logically, you shouldn't be able to partake in any of the things Caboose says you are able to, but, I have decided to request a few things, as well. Enclosed, please find one list of several items for both squadrons of troopers.

Sincerely, Delta.

edited 10th Aug '16 2:11:11 PM by RandomWriter413

Dear Delta,

I would really appreciate it if you didn't say you only want "a few" items and then give me a long list, but anyway, I'll see what I can do.

- Santa Claus

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Hullo Santa neighba,

Leesten. We has been trying to keel de zeeba neighba for over 15 yeerz, and we steel not sukseed. Whats up wif dat?

So dees yeer, we wishes for beeg arsunal of weppons to keel da zeeba wif.

Zeeba must die. Kay?

- The Crocs

edited 13th Aug '16 2:20:39 PM by DrNoPuma

I haven't played the particular game that Tango is from, but still... robo kitty. :D

Dear The Crocs,

I'm not going to kill the Zebra's for you. You've all been very naughty. You're all getting coal this Christmas. Stop trying to kill the Zebra.

Signed, Santa Claus.

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Dear Santa,

I need you to tell this fat fucking oaf named Hagrid that I'm not a fucking wizard, I'm a fucking kid!

Signed, "Just Harry"

Dear Just Harry,

Don't worry. I'll tell the delusional man that you're not really a wizard.

-Santa

—

Dear Santa.

I want some sweet release, week after week the mail keeps coming in. It gets worse since it's Christmas time. All those letters, all those parcels, it just don't stop. And don't get me started on the idiots I have to deal with! And the clients who pelt me with snowballs and get angry I gave them the wrong thing. It's not by bloody fault! The Cops confiscated my Uzi, so you don't have to worry about that.

-A Disgruntled Postal Worker

It's over Anakin! I have the high ground!

Dear Postal worker,

I'd like to give you a vacation. Here's a ticket to the Bahamas.

From Santa.

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Dear Santa,

I'd like to become even stronger! Could I please get the three maiden's powers? I've only got one, the fall one.

Sincerly, Cinder.

Now known as Cyber Controller

Dear Cinder,

So, you're the reason the fall spirit didn't come over for some cookies and milk before she did her job. Well, you silly woman, if you want the winter maiden, you'll have to deal with me.

Screw you- Santa.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Dear Sandy Claws,

I think I finally learned how to do your job passably well. Can I take over one year?

Love and vampire bites! Jack.

It's been 3000 years…

Dear Jack,

NO

Santa

Dear Santa,

I, um, "lost" my Death Note again, and the Shinigami King won't give me a new one this time. Can you please help me?

Ryuk

P.S. And some apples! I'll go into withdrawal if you don't!

My new plan is so secret that even I cannot understand its full scope!

Dear Ryuk,

You know, usually I'd say no to something like that, but all life on Earth would be thrown into chaos if I don't, so... Here you go.

And I see nothing wrong with the apples, so knock yourself out!

Signed, Santa

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Dear Santa,

Bark! Bark bark bark! Bark bark bark? Bark bark...

BARKITY BARK BARK BARK! Ba-bark bark!

PS: Bark bark bark bark, bark bark.

Signed, Dogmeat.

Long live the New Bev.

Dear Dogmeat,

Sorry but all animal letters go to Rudolph.

-Santa.

__________________________________________________________________

Dear Santa,

I know you don't generally answer a villain's request, but hear me out. I'd like to have my daughter wake up and recover enough to visit me this Christmas.

-Sincerely, former Professor Callaghan.

It's been 3000 years…

Dear Prof. Callaghan,

Of course. You wouldn't have been naughty if it wasn't for her disappearance. I'll find a way to get her back.

- Santa Claus

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Dear Santa Claus,

This Christmas, can I have money? Like, lots of it? Also, can you help me meet a super-powerful, super-evil villain to work for? It's kind of impossible for me to do that since I'm stuck in an Orphaned Series.

- Joka

edited 15th Aug '16 8:02:15 AM by DrNoPuma

I haven't played the particular game that Tango is from, but still... robo kitty. :D

Dear Joka,

I don't work with villains, but I could try kidnapping bribing some game devs to make you another installment in the series.

-Santa

—

Dear Santa,

Can I get a faster PC so I can finally beat [insert name of crappy generic medieval RPG that literally no one cares about here] without the damn thing lagging? Thank you!

-JoeHoeBus

Dear JoeHoeBus,

You might enjoy a more modern game instead. Here is a gift card.

Santa

Dear Santa,

I demand a tinfoil hat. The thoughts of inferior creatures are a literal headache.

-Mewtwo

My new plan is so secret that even I cannot understand its full scope!