Worst Lines You've Ever Written

The Darth Wiki version of that other thread. And hey, we all need to acknowledge when we screw up, right?

In a fanfiction for a Western Animation series:

“Hey, X?” X was so surprised by Y's voice that he dropped a fuel wire, blowing up his past three hours of work and covering his face in a thick black powder. God, if I were in a cartoon, people would think this was really racist, X thought.

At first I didn't realize I needed all this stuff...

All of them..

Read my stories!

Outright telling and an adverb. Oh goodness.

Banned entirely for telling FE that he was being rude and not contributing to the discussion. I shall watch down from the goon heavens.

I like adverbs.

"Proto-Indo-European makes the damnedest words related. It's great. It's the Kevin Bacon of etymology." ~Madrugada

From my first ever novel, Something Dark is Here...

Michael looked out the window at the bad landscape, "I...do not like this area much. It makes me feel bad."

Sign on for this After The End Fantasy RP.

I like abverbs too. In fact, I often use the phrases "a little" and "slightly" along with the words "turned" and—

/beaten to death by a Doorstopper.

Hmm...I don't remember, and I'm too lazy to look around.

A good rule of thumb for adverbs (and adjectives) is: if it changes the meaning of the sentence enough that without it, it wouldn't quite say what you want to say, keep it.

By that rule, there's nothing wrong with the "considerably" in the above example.

(I'm afraid I can't post my own worst line; it would undoubtedly be somewhere in To Carthage Then I Came, of which the only copy remaining in existence is safely at the back of a locked drawer at the bottom of a filing cabinet... and I intend to leave it there.)

-digs up binder of old drafts-

brb sobbing

Warm hugs and morally questionable advice given here. Prosey Bitchfest

I abuse adverbs shamelessly, too It's justified, though.

I either have characters narrate on a first-person POV or I use snarky and sarcastic "off-screen" narrators. Actions are never described neutrally, always colored by someone's perspective.

It's deliberate: Nothing is objective, every story is always warped by the mindset, perspective and even fucking manner of speech of the storyteller. It's furthermore warped by the mindset, perspective and critical thinking skills of the listener.

There is no such thing as a reliable narrator, and no such thing as an uncontrovertible part of a fictional story. I prefer to be quite blatant about this than to ignore it.

You exist because we allow it and you will end because we demand it.

"What it had to be, it was done"

God, I'm the Narm king .____.

Oh boy, let's see...

Basically all of that stuff is terrible, but first prize for clunkiness and telling-not-showing probably goes to "She tried to say this calmly, but the others could see her cool, icy, condescending façade unraveling. It was rather a frightening sight."

Of course, the real fun there is the intrusive author's notes and the fact that I turned every character into an Unsympathetic Comedy Protagonist.

Oh lord, I don't have the original document, but it included a guy unzipping a pool (as in the game) bag, pulling out a spear which he polished gingerly, monologued about the proper use of a spear in battle, and why it must be kept in perfect condition, including that it never get bent or otherwise it loses the straight thrust.

One over sized accidental innuendo complete with unfortunate implications about being gay and the character in question just coming off as sounding like a rapist. Oddly enough, this would later cause me to edit his character development and focus more on his sexuality while toning down creepy shit like that.

The thing about making witty signature lines is that it first needs to actually be witty.

I don't even know where to begin, but the first thing that comes to mind is writing a Big "NO!" in cold blood...

I'm going to go look for more - stay tuned.

I guess no one stayed tuned. Shame - this could have been a fun thread.

A horribly anvilicious blight on a poem that I'm otherwise still reasonably happy with.

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Are we talking worst as in poorly written or worst as in cheeziest?

Hot Babe: Honey, this isn't Olympic boxing; I'm waiting for round for.

Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you are probably right.

This is from one of my notebook, stick figure comics. The main character had a backwards hat and he used a katana. At one point of the story, he picks up his now dead father's sword and mutter's this stupid, cheesy line...

"Whoa! It's like a waterfall of power is flowing through me!"

The comic is an old shame of mine...

ALL OF THEM. I'm a master at right horrendously narmy lines.

‽‽‽‽ ^These are interrobangs. Love them. Learn them. Use them.

   ADVERBS? ADVERBS? OUR ENEMIES HIDE BEHIND THEIR PARTS OF SPEECH! THE COWARDS! THE FOOLS!   

I can't quote it off the top of my head and I lack access to the piece at present, but there was a particularly crap part of an old project that was just a long Author Tract about the evils of communism. Looking back, it literally made me slam my head against my desk.

EDIT: They're a convenient means to tell instead of showing and over-reliance on them makes for a bland work. Also, some◊ people think that their role can be better performed by proper adjective usage. The rage face WAS necessary to the explanation.

This isn't 'writing', as evinced by the unnatural use of    Bold   ,    Rage   , and    FIRRAVEUS CARRON.   

edited 21st Jul '11 8:21:05 PM by Morgulion

This is this.

I don't get it, what's so horrible about adverbs? You're shunning an entire part of speech?

‽‽‽‽ ^These are interrobangs. Love them. Learn them. Use them.

I can't quote it off the top of my head and I lack access to the piece at present, but there was a particularly crap part of an old project that was just a long Author Tract about the evils of communism. Looking back, it literally made me slam my head against my desk.

Heh.

Still Sheepin'

It's the fact that it is often seen as unnecessary when it is used 99 percent of a time. A handful of adverbs sprinkled throughout a story can liven up the narrative, but if you have them on every single page, they stand out.

I'm not speaking for myself though. As long as I don't go into critical mode, I'm okay with them.

Most of the time they are used as a shortcut by lazy writers, e.g. he said sternly instead of writing a description that conveys sternness. It's part of that show don't tell thing. The other half of the time they're just used as intensifiers. Literally, exactly, completely, etc. These can be cut without sacrificing any meaning.

They do have their uses. Something non-descriptive without any nuances to convey like "simultaneously" is not worth bothering to rephrase.

Jesus Christ, I have written some hilariously scary shit, but the worst one of all would have to be this:

"film brian.............. if am hit monkey pyster, will you sperm"

Even I don't know what that means.

edited 21st Jul '11 9:08:01 PM by TweedlyDee

I TELL YOU HWAT!