My sister cheated on her boyfriend

If You Ever Do Anything to Hurt Her...... but what if she hurts him.

I have found out, through a friend no less, that my sister hurt her boyfriend. Among other things, by cheating on him. Several times.

She's a bitchy, vain, selfish Jerkass. I'll be the first to admit that. But I never thought she was an asshole and a douchebag.

Problem is, she doesn't know I know, and I can't respect her anymore, and I don't know if I should tell her that or not, and I fear that if I don't it'll blow out at the worst moment.

I can deal with selfishness, greed, gluttony, a bad temper, and all that shit. But to me, like Dante, Betrayal is the deepest circle of Hell. It's a really, really huge deal.

She felt bad about it. For a while. A little while. And then she moved on.

"Sweets are good. Sweets are justice."

That's why I don't like that trope. It automatically assumes the girl would never do anything to hurt the guy, nope, only guys hurt girls.

My other signature is a Gundam.

Did she say why she cheated on him?

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

Do you like her boyfriend? If he's a friend tell him, if not answer truthfully if asked but don't seek him out.

Charlie Tunoku is a lover and a fighter.

Even if the her boyfriend was dickwad, some shit just doesn't fly.

edited 19th Mar '11 9:21:48 PM by joeyjojo

hashtagsarestupid

Also: How was "cheating" defined in this particular situation? I ask, because according to one of my (ex-)boyfriends, engaging in erotic roleplay online was cheating, despite the ridiculousness of the situation and lack of arousal on either end.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

you will have to give me more detail on that one DG Pretty Please XD

edited 19th Mar '11 9:34:21 PM by joeyjojo

hashtagsarestupid

Uhm. It was a regular roleplay via forum that had been taking place since before him and I had been dating. I was playing an air pirate who had been raised in an underground lair, he was playing a character based off the Incredible Hulk.  ^*

Our characters fell in love and hooked up. I didn't think anything of it, because he wrote (terrible) erotica with a friend.

He freaked out and accused me of cheating.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

... wait, so you cheated on him with his character in a game? You really should have pulled the same card on him.

OP: If it was just once, I'd say keep quiet. But you said it was several times, so your sister probably doesn't give a damn about him. I think you should let him know about it. Especially if you could be considered friends.

Commando Dude, the trope does list gender inversions. It's not exclusively about guys hurting girls, that just happens to be how it tends to be used in practice, but even then not always.

This inverts it in a different way, though; the trope is associated with those who non-romantically know someone and want to protect that someone from being hurt by a romantic partner. In this case, the one he non-romantically knows is the one doing the hurting to her romantic partner.

In any case, you don't seem to give much context to go by. What would be the consequences to you personally if you were to confront her about this?

@Swish: No, it was someone else who I didn't even know. Heck, I didn't even know if the person playing the character was a guy or a girl.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

@DG: That's... not arousing in the slightest :'(

edited 19th Mar '11 10:01:27 PM by joeyjojo

hashtagsarestupid

She told that friend who told me (he isn't even her friend, he is my friend, she never even liked him, why did she tell him before telling me) that she just went out to the disco like she usually does, got drunk, found a guy hot, and had sex with him. It's just as dumb. That's also the answer to the question "what do you mean by cheating". Well, she also cheats extensively at exams at college, but that's beside the point.

As for her boyfriend, he was not a friend of mine, I knew him through her. A great guy, very nice, very friendly, smart (studies Telecommunications Engineering), basketball player for the Uniersity team. Loved her deeply, genuinely and passionately. Would come back to her instantly as soon as she'd call (that's why she doesn't). Disciplined, loyal, healthy, loyal to a fault. A man of principles. That guy was marriage material. Also, we really liked each other, and I would have loved to have him as a brother-in-law.

My sister sucks. Maybe you could have called him a Dogged Nice Guy, but apart from that, there was nothing objectionable about the man. Well, at least her cheating allowed her to notice she only felt "loyalty" towards him, not love (loyalty is dissolved by alcohol, while love only gets stronger: a lovestruck drunk is the most annoying thing in the world, he only rants about his loved one) and she left him soon thereafter, which anyways was the right thing to do. I must give her credit for that.

@Neo: we share an appartment in the city where we study. I don't know what consequences it might have on our life together, but we have to be really careful around each other lest this house becomes Hell.

edited 19th Mar '11 10:10:56 PM by Ardiente

"Sweets are good. Sweets are justice."

@Joey: It wasn't. It really only goes to show that "cheating" is highly subjective, and can extend to simply looking at someone you're not dating.

@Ardiente: Ehh. I don't know the whole situation, so I can't really make any calls. Depending on the exact situation, I could feel sympathetic for either party.

edited 19th Mar '11 10:06:58 PM by DrunkGirlfriend

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

Raw you seem especially keen to defend somebody who you have had minimal interaction with. Most romantic partners are smart enough to put on a good act when around the family of the person they are dating. I'm not saying the guy is secretly horrible and a puppy kicker, but there is still a lot about him you don't know like how he is when not around your family.

He's never been around my family, apart from myself. And I can tell a prick trying to be suave with a winning smile (i.e. my sister Most of the time) from someone who is genuinely awkward and vulnerable. The description mostly comes from my sister herself. At first I thought he was a well-intentioned idiot, and that she had broken up with him because he was trying to get her to change lifestyles and stop clubbing so much and start doing sports and stuff. Then she told me all the stuff I repeated over there, and that she left him because he loved her much more than she loved him and was afraid of hurting him.

She didn't tell me she had already done so.

"Sweets are good. Sweets are justice."

Oh well. If your sister wants to mess up her love life let her. It's not your problem.

So if she does questionable stuff at her job it's also her problem if she wants to mess up her professional life? If she cheats at college and gets caught it's also her problem if she wants to mess up her education? I don't know if these are good analogies, but are you saying that I should just walk by as she goes on committing immoralunethical acts that hurt others? If I am not supposed to even criticize or judge my sister, then who am I allowed to do this to? Should I spend my life tolerating everything despicable people do around me without saying a word? Where's the limit?

"Sweets are good. Sweets are justice."

I'd say the limit is when it directly affects you or people you care about. If somebody wants to ruin their life but doesn't get in my way, I'm not going to get mad or try to stop them. From what you've posted you don't really seem to think very highly of your sister and should have little reason to care about her.

She's my sister. That kinda trumps a lot of stuff.

But, you know what, you're right. Maybe the reason why I'm so annoyed is that she always acts like she had some sort of high ground on me because she's cleaner, more tidy, more concentious, and more successful at college (what sort of success is one that involves cheating?). Ordering me around, shouting at me, and constantly ripping on me and everything I say. And that's now. Back when we were kids, we would often fight, and would occasionally draw blood. She like a Tsundere without a single dere trait. Even her occasional flashes of... kindness... don't compensate for her being an asshole. But until now I thought she was only an asshole to me. Turns out she's an asshole to everyone. Even her close friends: her friend has been having love problems for a while for pulling the same sort of ship on a Long-Distance Relationship. Her boyfriend must be the biggest cukcold of the planet. And I haven't seen her call her out on that or help her out even once. Instead, she drags her off to party.

So our relationship has come to that. We're roommates who happen to mutually hide secrets from our parents (not that I have many secrets to hide once I think of it).

Dammit, some would call me a flaming exhibitionist for posting all this stuff, but where will I find sensible, intelligent people with a diverstity of opinions, and with whom talking about this carries no consequences on our social circles? I mean, apart from paying for a therapist or something.

edited 19th Mar '11 11:04:28 PM by Ardiente

"Sweets are good. Sweets are justice."

Just Inform the Dude,is it that hard? You have a shitty relationship with your sister so it is not much of a loss.

Your sister was a bitch to you in the past, be the same to her. Raise some fucking hell (well let the hell be raised). Payback for all these years amirite? I'd seriously lean towards adopting a 'fuck this im not holding anything back if shit starts' mentality

edited 19th Mar '11 11:15:35 PM by BalloonFleet

WHASSUP....... ....with lolis!

For me, the default position is to keep my mouth shut. But that's a severe drama allergy of mine, not ethical advice.

| DA Page | Sketchbook |

Inform whom? She broke up with him long ago. Did you even read the stuff I've been posting?

I'm not allergic to drama, but only with honest people with whom it leads to a resolution. Dishonest people are helpless, and if it won't help them, I won't waste my time and energy.

edited 19th Mar '11 11:22:00 PM by Ardiente

"Sweets are good. Sweets are justice."

Gah, loving the family you are born into regardless of merit is one of those hang ups people need to get over. Just because you share genetic material with somebody does not obligate you to like them.

It's not about sharing genetic material, it's about being inconditional allies because of chance. Normally this should allow us to be sincere with each other, which is why actual brothers fight all the time even when they have the option of abandoning each other. Same happens within armies and other forms of "brotherhood". Of The Four Loves, this is storge.

Then again, on my father's side, everyone has been taking advantage of this to pump up as much money from him as they could. Only he alone seems to actually believe in this... and carried it on to me... Wait a minute...

edited 19th Mar '11 11:36:59 PM by Ardiente

"Sweets are good. Sweets are justice."