Ways a parent can be subtly abusive

Two of my characters have emotionally abusive parents, but I want it to be subtle, and as realistic as possible. Any tips?

Read djay's thread in OTC.

Not a bad idea. Also, emotional neglect is a good subtle form of abuse. It can be more damaging than actual bad treatment.

But the best way to make it believable is to make the parental figures deeper than their bad behavior. Give them redeeming qualities and people will find the situation easier to relate to.

A lot of put downs. Groundings more harsh than what is needed (like a week of no fun because the child accidentally dropped some food in public). Emotional distance, no real conversations with the child.

Well one aspect that I'm wondering whether or not is silly, well the two characters are cousins and their parents tend to favour their niece/nephew over their own child. Does that sound to outlandish? And I do want the parents to be three dimensional.

edited 6th Mar '11 6:34:38 PM by Zolnier

No, it doesn't sound outlandish. I don't know if it counts as abusive, but it'd definitely mess with both kids' psyches.

edited 6th Mar '11 6:35:11 PM by melloncollie

I doubt "groundings" are even used in that type of household. Seems silly.

Read djay's thread in OTC.

One of the characters may or may not be his father's biological son, his mother cheated on his father with the character's uncle (the other character's dad) around the time of Cyril's (the character in question) conception. How might that affect things?

Favoritism, depriving the child out of spite towards the mother.

Have them engage in Moving The Goal Posts. Tell the child they need to do the laundry and their homework before they can go hang out with their friends. When the child actually does what is asked, have the parent berate them for not doing some third thing that was never mentioned.

Now I'm sorry if this question is silly, but the characters are members of a Witch Species. They look really odd, their mothers are also like them but not their dads. How might that affect things? And by odd I mean they have six fingers, no toenails, and eyes like something out of Dune.

edited 6th Mar '11 8:32:48 PM by Zolnier

Guilt trips. Psychological things like that. Expecting more out of them all the time, so it looks like they care but are really trying to squeeze the life out of them.

@ Cute: D Jay's case is not subtle at all.

edited 6th Mar '11 8:41:27 PM by snowfoxofdeath

So Cyril and Melissa's (the characters) families have different motifs, Cyril's is corruption and Mel's is withering.

Stuff like like punishing their child for "talking back at them" even though the child was justified in doing so.

Saying stuff like "I made brought you into this world and I can take you out". stuff like that can really mess a child up.

Bringing up their personal sob story (I.E I hardly knew my father, you only get one mother/father.) when their kid acts too out of line towards the them. Bonus points if said child has a Don't You Dare Pity Me! philosophy.

Saying stuff like "Don't yell! Do you wan't them to take us away?" when their child is screaming for help, even when the parents were abusing the kid.

Saying "Because I'm your MOM/DAD!" as if it's a remotely good way to end an argument.

Doing all of the above, yet still telling their kid that they "love" him/her.

Any way the kids might try and cope?

Well, since in most of my stories, any characters revealed to have Abusive Parents end up killing them...

Are your characters the violent type?

Well they are creepy, magical balls of suppressed anger, but not murderous. They're kinda Good Is Not Nice.

Then a Self-Made Orphan solution might work, but I'm not entirely sure.

Nah I don't think they'll end up killing their parents. Any other forms of vengeance? Keep in mind the story starts with them age twelve and by the end they've just turned fourteen. They also have magic.

Maybe just have get all fed up with it, and disobey their parents on regular basis, and blow off any lectures they may give them?

Set up the parents as a pair of cynics that are extremely full of themselves and expect the kid to exhibit adult-like reasoning powers and skill-levels from early childhood. Is this the same story on whose magic system I am currently working on for you?

Yes, it is. They're the guys with the selkie blood. And would you by the pair being well above average in terms of smarts and magic but their mothers think that because they aren't Mary Sues they think that they're not good enough? And Cyril's mother is under the impression that Cyril has to overcome having a normal dad, he doesn't; his powers aren't diluted by that.

edited 7th Mar '11 1:54:07 AM by Zolnier

Oh, I see. :3

So the characters themselves are very close, does that affect anything?