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This is a "Wild Mass Guess" entry, where we pull out all the sanity stops on theorizing. The regular entry on this topic is elsewhere. Please see this programme note.
Two and a Half Men
Charlie will die of alcohol poisoning...
  • And he'll leave all of his possessions to Alan, showing he really is a Jerk with a Heart of Gold. There will be a funeral, probably with a clip show of his best moments. Evelyn may even cry at the funeral, just so everyone gets a moment of genuine mourning.
    • She doesn't cry, but she does call out all of Charlie's exes & one night stands for revelling in his death whilst she's trying to mourn her son.
  • But over the next season, Alan will slowly start becoming more like Charlie, perhaps as a coping mechanism. He'll start drinking more, than start throwing money around, eventually using it to start having one night stands with loose women. No one will try to stop his self destructive behavior (Jake misses Charlie's influence, Judith is a jerk who keeps Herb quiet, etc.) until he's a total wreck.
  • When Alan realizes what he's become, he'll go over the edge. He'll tell everyone exactly what he thinks of them, then storm off. Cut to a graveyard, where Alan will be giving the exact same sort of rant about Charlie to his headstone. It will start raining, causing Alan to lose steam as he realizes that Charlie took him in just when he needed it most. Alan will sink to his knees in front of his brother's grave, sobbing.
  • And just when he's at his absolute lowest, light will shine on him. He'll look up to see someone (maybe even Evelyn!) will have pulled up in their car. They'll take him by the hand and help him in, then drive off. And the very last scene of the show will be of Alan, looking genuinely happy as he runs a charity in Charlie's honor. A charity to help people with alcohol and drug addiction.
    • Jossed Charlie is killed in the Paris Subway station
    • Although, Alan is acting a lot like Charlie in the latest episode ("Thank You For the Intercourse"), so this one may not be far off. Stay tuned....

Alan killed himself sometime during the series.
  • What exactly does he have to live for? The later seasons could be him in Hell experiencing torture such as Judith being a jerkass sue, his love life always ending badly, his son being more selfish like Charlie, etc.
    • Alternatly, Alan is trapped in purgatory. He can only leave once he mans up and gains the courage to tell off Charlie, Judith, Evelyn and Jake and set out on his own, casting off his self-imposed shackles and finally become free. His method of death is irrelevant.

Charlie and Alan are an alternate universe version of Zack and Cody.
Just think about. Charlie's womanizing, sexist ways. Alan's timidness. They must be a grown up versions of Zack and Cody in another universe! Who would've thought Cody would be the one living on Zack's couch.
  • The authors of the episode with the aptitude test and the Flash Forward where in a dream sequence Zack becomes a millionaire something-or-other to do with the entertainment business, and Cody takes out his garbage.

Jake is the lovechild of Charlie and Judith.
  • Really, is it so far fetched? At one point, Alan is out of town, womanizing Charlie bumps into Judith and wham-bam-thank-you-'mam. Nine months later, there is Jake.
    • Only fuelled by Jake becoming more and more like Charlie over the course of the series. An easy going Deadpan Snarker. Not too bright but having more than enough common sense to get by.
    • Not to mention that according to Alan, Judith hated having sex with him. But they had to conceive somehow. Unless...

Jake is the Antichrist.
We haven't really met the other neighbors, but maybe one of the families is part of a satanic cult that impregnated Judith. The traumatic experience turned her off of sex. Jake, while seemingly stupid, has some charm and manages to get what he wants. Eventually, he'll manage to get a powerful leadership position and take over the world.
  • There IS a satanic cult in Malibu. Remember Hi, Mr Horned One?

Charlie was traumitized as a child
He has been saying that he had sex during Junior High School and also claims that he slept with a teacher. How wrong is that!? But now think of it like this; Charlie was screwed up by his mother after his father died and he acted out in every which way possible. But how much of his sleeping around was Consentual? Did he get molested by said teacher (who may have been a confident for Charlie) and possibly blocked it out because he couldn't deal with it? Did his mother know about it? And was the teacher even Female?
  • Really, this is pretty obvious throughout the series. Both Alan and Charlie were messed up as kids, and who wouldn't be with EVELYN for a mother?
    • This was made blatantly obvious in the season four episode "Apologies For The Frivolities", in which Charlie dates Lydia, a real estate agent who everyone notices is an exact clone of Evelyn, personality-wise(though it takes Charlie himself a while to admit it). When Lydia brings her own two young sons over to the beach house for a playdate with Jake, she goes out of her way to humiliate and belittle the two boys in front of everyone. It is strongly implied that Lydia's treatment of her sons is virtually identical to Evelyn's treatment of Charlie and Alan growing up. No wonder they loathe her so much and have issues with women in general.

The show will end on a Downer Ending
  • Theory one: Charlie will die. Possibly murdered like the guy Chuck Lorre modeled after. The cause for that one would be if Alan murders him after he can't take his abuse anymore. He pins it on some girl or boyfriend of a girl Charlie had sex with or even Rose. The show's final shot will have him sport a Slasher Smile. An alternative would be Rose to fill the "Crazy stripper that shoots guy based on Charlie Harper" that was in the real life version and everyone will be remorsing/Cliff Hanger ending. Bonus points for having her say "Goodnight Monkeyman" before offing him as this is part of her first lines in the pilot.
    • Jossed: Charlie died, but the show did not end there.

  • Theory two: Alan will be Driven to Suicide. Everyone will point out what a horrible person Charlie was to him, Charlie counteracts, everyone is sad, roll credits. Possibly someone lampshades on how most sitcoms end have downers.

  • Theory Three: Alan indeed will commit suicide, but no one will truly care (Not even Jake) and everybody will go back to their lives as if nothing happened.

  • Theory Four: When Jake is finally 18, and no longer obligated to stay at any parents home at any appointed time, Jake could decide to stay with his mom, Judith. This becomes a shocker to Alan since Judith and Herb are insufferable towards one another. Things just get worse after that. A year after not visiting Jake, Alan will try and gain contact of him only to find out that he and both parents (Herb, Stepdad of course) have been missing for months. Eventually Alan will devolve and become a second Charlie Harper... This time he actually contracts a life threatening STD.
    • Jossed. Jake joins the Army at the end of season 9.

Alan and Judith are really cousins.
  • Evelyn and whatever-Judith's-mom's-name-was seem to have some of the same mental problems, but took them in different directions. It's entirely likely that Evelyn disowned her sister and erased all evidence of being related so as not to have the shame of being related to a goofy alcoholic. Since the two sisters do not acknowledge each other's sisterhood, their children had no way of knowing they were cousins. When Alan and Judith had Jake, his stupidity and lack of morality is somehow related to a birth defect caused by incest.

Two and a Half Men is an alternate universe sitcom of the Sonic the Hedgehog series.

It's all a test.
Judith. Every woman screwing Alan over. Judith. Losing all his money from his divorces. Charlie putting him down. Judith. Judith. And not to mention Judith. Everyone is so nasty to Alan because they want him to stand up for himself. They're all just trying to push his buttons. Once he stands up to himself and challenges his tormentors, they will all lighten up, everything will turn out okay, and the world will be sunshines and spinkles just in time for a heartwarming finale.

If the show continues (as of March, 2011), Charlie will be killed offscreen.
  • The producers are probably going to try to show they can succeed without Sheen (even if it's just for a little while). Whether they do will be interesting to see...
  • If they are desperate enough, and if the underground hatedom (which sure is large) doesn't take over CBS altogether, than a show that directly succeeds Two and a Half Men is imminent.
  • Another possibility would be for Charlie to elope with Rose. Charlie and Rose sell off their beach houses, leaving Alan homeless or moving in with Evelyn or a Suspiciously Similar Substitute for Charlie.
  • This just came in: Ashton Kutcher will replace Charlie. Goodnight everybody!
  • Confirmed by Chuck Lorre by tmz

Ashton Kutcher's character will be Charlie's illegitimate son
He comes home for Charlie's funeral and Alan, feeling sympathy and a kinship with the boy, takes him in after he inherits the house.
  • Jossed, Kutcher's character is a depressed, sucidal Internet Millionare named Walden Schmit who's just been divorced and he just buys Charlie's house
    • Yeah, but we still don't know much about Schmidt. For all we know, he could be Charile's biological son (I mean, in his first appearence he successfully had a threesome with two hot girls.)

Charlie is a Time Lord.
And He will regenerate from Charlie Sheen to Ashton Kutcher.
  • SWEET MERICIFUL JESUS, THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! :D

Charlie will die in a car accident
...broadcast on TV while Alan and Jake watch. There will be an overhead shot of a car (Charlie's) being pursued by half of the cops in the state. Charlie drives off a cliff and dies in an exploding inferno.
  • Jossed, He gets hit by a train.

Charlie won't die but rather get seriously injured and require reconstructive surgery...
That make's him look like Ashton Kutcher

Ashton Kutcher's character will either be a hermaphrodite or a eunich
Since Jake is getting old enough to no longer be considered "half a man", they'll make Kutcher's character a "half a man" in a different way. It also seems to be hinted at in the promos showing him, Alan, and Jake naked and covering themselves with a large sign, as it shows Alan staring at Kutcher's junk with a puzzled expression.
  • Jossed, apparently it's quiet the opposite.
  • Wasn't there a theory mentioned earlier about how as Jake gets older, Charlie's immaturities are Flanderized to make him "half a man"? Well, Kutcher's even more of a Man Child than Charlie.

Angus/Jake's weight fluctuations...
...were at least partly due to Charlie trading him ice cream for clean urine samples over the course of several years.

The season 9 premiere will include some kind of "this house has lost its sheen" joke...
...and it will be the show's Crowning Moment Of Awesome.
  • Jossed.

Rose is pregnant with Charlie's baby.
  • It's implied that she was the one who killed him. She couldn't live without Charlie, so she'd likely keep Someone to Remember Him By.

Charlie isn't really dead
  • All those people Charlie scammed with his Ponzi scheme found out and were planning on having him sent to jail, so he and Rose flew to Paris so he could fake his own death and avoid going to prison, Charlie now once again works as a jingle writer.
    • Alan was the one pulling the Ponzi scheme. Charlie actually invested in it.
  • He isn't dead. The body was unidentifiable. Rose has him locked up somewhere to make it impossible for him to cheat on her again. Should the ratings with Ashton Kutcher not be adequate, they can bring Charlie back.

Season 9 will turn out to be All Just a Dream
  • Charlie isn't really dead and there is no Walter Schmidt, Alan just dreamed the whole thing.
    • And it will be a parody of the Dallas dream season with Alan waking up to find Charlie in the shower. It will be awesome.
      • Season 9's a wash, so here's hope for season 10 (and maybe Walden will turn out to be the gardener that Alan met, maybe, once).
      • A shame Anger Management didn't have Charlie wake up after dreaming about being a jingle writer with a mooching brother and dying, thus parodying not only Dallas, but also Newhart.

Walden and Alan will end up together
  • Come on. Walden put his arm around Alan in the theatre, thought what something he said was adorable, and kissed him to prove their love. Alan is constantly complimenting Walden's looks, leaned on Walden after Walden put his arm around him and instantly goes flamboyant when he has to play gay. It is heavily (heavily - weight of the Earth heavily) implied they had sex. They became best friends over the span of less than a week. Both say they're not gay, but Walden's child-like tendencies might have kept him from thinking about heavier things; he also treats his wife more like a mother. Alan has insecurities in relationships, and it's been said in at least two other episodes that he doubts his sexuality. They could even be bi. But COME. ON.
    • Nice Shipping Goggles you have there. I'm not saying this ship can't happen. But when was it implied they had sex? And people can becomes friends quickly without being romanctically attached.
      • True, but it is WILD mass guessing. Anyways, perhaps they end up living together, as friends, forever. With or without females coming and going.

Rose is building her own Legion of Doom
She has recruited Walden's ex Bridget...if she can convince Alan's Lyndsey and Jake's Celeste to sign up, her army of angry bitches shall be complete. Cue maniacal evil laughter...now. More likely Alan's Melissa, than Lyndsey, though.

Jake was onto something when he said it was like the house was built on some sort of angry woman burial ground
In 'What A Lovely Landing Strip' Jake makes a comment about how it's like the house was possessed by the spirit of an angry woman. Maybe Charlie killed a woman and buried her under the house. Rageful, her spirit now haunts the house and causes every woman to come in contact with the house to go crazy. Explains why each woman gets worse and worse as the seasons go on.

Lindsey will become a narcissistic, more mentally apt female equivalent to Alan
On the episode where Alan and Lindsey "rekindle" for the fourth time, she has shown to be socially inefficient on complimenting, passive aggressive JUST like Judith and Alan typically are. Who knows- eventually Alan could end up hating women for good when second most successful relationship sucks him dry in spite.

Walden will lose it all and end up moving in with Alan and Lindsay.
His ex-wife, ex-business partner, Mrs. Schmidt, and Bridget's new pal crazy Rose will take over the business, force Walden out, and leave him dead broke. He'll have to sell the beachhouse and move in with Alan and Lindsay. This may make for a good Season Finale plot. Expect the 100 shares of founder's stock Walden gave Alan to be a Chekhov's Gun if we get a season ten.

Alan's past legal tensions will utterly destroy everyone's lives.

He'll be put on a sex offender registry, financial suspension for fraud, and possibly losing his visitation rights and insurance provider (not to mention his chiropractic license, permanently shutting him out of his one marketable skill). Chasing women after dark, with lascivious intent will guarantee sex offender registration. He's done this before and was just barely in trouble for suspicion of intent to sexually assault. Before this he will all of the sudden be unable to get a job and Jake could lose his respect wholly.

Jake will come back from his time in the army in season ten and either...

  • have transformed into a serious and smart young man, or
  • have turned the army into a 24/7 party, ending in the collapse of civilization as we know it
    • Jossed, he's still the same
      • He also has a girlfriend, played by Jamie Pressly (Joy of My Name Is Earl).

The series will end with...
  • Charlie at the beginning of the series waking up and realizing it was all just a dream when he hears a knock on the door. He goes to answer it and finds the freshly kicked out Alan who asks if he can stay with him. Charlie responds by shutting the door in his face and locking it and going back to bed. Fade to Black.
    • Bonus points if Charlie remarks that he shouldn't have had so much Radeberger the night before. Oh, and double bonus if there's one or two beautiful women in bed with him when he awakens.


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