Tech Trends reporter Jeff Tate is Tucker Hope.The Fact Zone has had 7 people playing the role of Tucker Hope throughout its history. When Brooke Alvarez (since she's apparently in charge of the whole program) decided that her current Tucker Hope wasn't good enough for her show any more, she decided to give Jeff Tate the opportunity of a lifetime and allow him to run the show's recon wall in exchange for his current role in the Onion News Network, his current salary and his identity. Of course, he took the chance to be on the "top rated news show on cable". He has been committed to his job ever since.
Clifford Banes is Godot.Alas...
The Onion is written in an alternate universe where everything it says is trueThis explains why it has such consistently well-written reporting, in such a serious style if taken at face value. Most likely, it is a manifest of that universe, and has the powers to make many people in our universe think it's a true source.
They've started deliberately trolling for people to take them at face value.How else do you explain this article? Not particularly funny, no real satirical angle, delivered in such a deadpan style that it's just waiting for some professional outrage-monger to lead with it...