Video Game: Crypt Worlds

"'Crypt Worlds: Your Darkest Desires Come True' is the story of humanity. It will be told through a pure new medium: 'Video Game'. It was created in the year 2013 AD by a swarm of unruly Magical Girls. You will regret this decision." —The ReadMe File
Right-click to piss on the world.

Crypt Worlds is a freeware PC game about The Protagonist going on a quest to save the world. Despite how normal and average that sounds, it gets way weirder than that.

You wake up one morning with a goal: find the 5 Goddess Relics and bring them back to the Unicorn Goddess so that you can defeat Dendygar, who is otherwise going to destroy the world in 50 days. But the game has three endings, and like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, you can choose to either help the Unicorn Goddess, or do something more sinister.

The Protagonist is never referred to by name and is only ever called "(You)". Almost everything else in the game is named in a similar way. [Gold], [Bread], [Piss], (God), the list goes on.

The graphics look very low-res and are about as grainy as a JPEG image, but they are placed on top of 3D characters, and 2D characters who look the same from every angle. Every time you talk to one of the characters, the chances of them saying something morbid or hateful are very high. Even the machine in the tunnels says that you have no emails, no friends, and that you have nothing.

Crypt Worlds can be downloaded for free here or here. Play it because this page needs Wiki Magic.

The game has examples of:

  • Autosave: The game always keeps track of where you are and what you've done, which is useful because pressing the escape key will always quit the game immediately. The only way to go back is to start an entirely new game.
  • All There in the Manual: The game comes with a folder called Dictionarre Crypticus which contains pictures explaining more of the game's lore. Part of it is a diagram of the Crypt Plains which seems to be showing that the world is seperated into four quadrants. None of it is mentioned in the game.
  • And I Must Scream: They don't appear to mind, but none of the other NPCs ever really move. They kinda just stand there.
    • Some characters are both aligned horizontally and stuck in a wall.
  • Earn Your Bad Ending: One way to destroy the world is to awaken The Chaos God (see Eldritch Abomination). You can't do this unless you pay the archaeologist in your basement to dig up all three ancient City Ruins. Then you must find the Tear itself, which involves lots of first-person platforming. Repeat 3 times until you have all Tears Of God, and then go to Hell. Once The Chaos God is awakened, the entire world is destroyed and you are left with no option other than to start a new game.
  • Eldritch Abomination: The Chaos God is a large floating being who resides in Hell beneath The Crypts. He appears to be a gigantic angry face with buildings attached to his body. The only way to awaken him is to unite the three powerful Tears of God.
  • Eldritch Location: It's possible to make a wrong move and end up in the "Glitch World". This is not a real glitch, but it does weird things to you and does not fit anywhere with the world as you know it. Once you've beaten the inactive boss, you don't get to go there again.
  • Flushing Edge Interactivity: Pissing on the world is a normal and often useful part of the game, but there are toilets you can piss in - which do absolutely nothing.
  • Foreshadowing: The prophecy in the tunnels, if you choose to make it happen.
  • Golden Ending: If you help The Unicorn Goddess, you can travel to The Moon and defeat Dendygar. Afterwards, every character in the game rejoices in the Pilgrime Village. Even the cultists who were trying to awaken The Chaos God express a deep happiness and contentment. You can go home, go to bed, and the game erases your save file.
  • In-Universe Game Clock: The game lasts for 50 days, but the days only pass when you sleep in a bed.
  • Jump Scare: Check your volume before pissing on one of the archeologists.
  • Let's Play: There is a fair amount of these for Crypt Worlds, but most series don't reach the end of the game.
  • Lightmare Fuel: Most of the exchanges between characters in the game. Even the creator's tweets are like this.
  • No Bulk Discounts: The shopping system requires you do press a number to buy or sell an item. You can press 1 to buy [Miniburg] as many times as you want, but you will still be paying the same amount for each one. Also applies to selling [Seeds] for [Gold].
  • Ominous Visual Glitch: If you click on an NPC too much, they will glitch out, turning into random red and yellow pixels, and say incoherently formed sentences. Possibly foreshadowing for the Glitch World.
  • Stealth Prequel: In the game files there is another game called Horrible Screaming Murderer that leads into the main game.
  • Surreal Horror: There is a fair amount of Nightmare Fuel in the game, but somehow most of it is toned down with dry humour and characters talking about horrible things as though they are quite normal.
  • Surprisingly Sudden Death: The official manual says that this idea is what inspired the game. "In our world, you can die at any time, for no reason whatsoever."
  • The Prophecy: Some pictures on the wall of The Tunnels depict a 'hero' and his task. Clicking each one reveals the story of The Chosen One collecting the three Tears of God and using them to awaken The Chaos God. If you want a bad ending, you can actually do this.
  • Unicorn: The Unicorn Goddess Moronia.