Large Ham: I took a level in this and I brought it to a new level when I was cast as Bottom in a production of A Mid Summer Nights Dream and I kept on thinking "Excuse I have more scenery to chew on".
And anyone who knows me off stage knows that I don't really change at all even after the audience is gone.
Jerkass: I am this in spades. I once made a cancer joke shortly before remembering that a friend's father died of cancer. I still went ahead with even more cancer jokes after the fact.
Jerk with a Heart of Gold: Despite that I have my moments of humanity. I usually save this for my pets and the young members of my family. All though they'll soon start mouthing off to me and I'll have no use for them.
The Ditz: While I can't stand stupid people, I am completely clueless to the most blatantly obvious.
Deadpan Snarker: I've made a hobby out of clever retorts. It's the best way to fight off the bullies of the world.
Loads and Loads of Characters: I create numerous characters when I can't find a canon character that fits the needed description for a joke or a storyline.
Go Look at the Distraction: A friend of mine wanted to grab his girlfriend's breast and shouted "Hey, look! A distraction", complete with finger point too which everyone, myself included, turned our heads to see what he was pointing at.
Evilly Affable: I've been told my callous disregard for the feelings of others is part of my charm.
Third-Person Person: I frequently refer to myself in the third person. I use my birth name, although my niece's father has the same name and he's in jail. Really makes the whole shtick look bad. So, I've added a "The —-" in front of my name when referring to myself.
Dysfunctional Family: Either in fandom and in reality, I've always said my family is a twisted combination of the Romanos from Everybody Loves Raymond and the Titus family of Titus. We argue like the Romanos, but we have to many felony convictions to be exactly like them.Yet we have to few felony convictions to be like the Titus'. We have everything in my family. Alcoholism, drug abuse, mental illness, my dad's side of the family is Baptist (*shudder*).
The Woobie: I've verbally and emotionally abused by an alcholic step-father (he has since quit drinking and knows he's an asshole), was the victim of rumors in high school regarding my sexuality, had money stolen from me by step-sister, have had no real relationship with a woman ever while my loser friends managed to find people, my parents divorced when I was a year old and my father is an insensitive lout who asked me point-blank if I was going to my grandfather's funeral (I was 11!!). I've also had a rusty screw wedge itself in between the bones that conncent my ankle and my foot while mowing the grass, suffered from a tortion in a place I'd rather not mention, and am obssessive-compulsive and suffer my generalized anxiety. Not as brutal as most, but still...Why am I not killing hookers with a spork?