♪Here in the Garden, let's play a game
I'll show you how it's done
Here in the Garden, stand very still
This'll be so much fun...♪
I'll show you how it's done
Here in the Garden, stand very still
This'll be so much fun...♪
Steven Universe is no stranger to Tear Jerkers, but Sugar and co, show here that they haven't lost their touch. They really haven't...
- The flashback to Amethyst emerging in the Kindergarten. It's clear that, while her being a Blank Slate is something readily apparent in her post-reset behavior, she had some instinctive knowledge and realized that she shouldn't be alone.
- When the Crystal Gems reform after being poofed by the rejuvenator, they have no memory of Steven, each other, or even themselves.
- Seeing Steven coming this close to crossing the Despair Event Horizon after losing his friends, and his powers, and with seemingly no chance of fixing any of it.
- Ruby is almost crushed and shattered by an anvil, with Steven's malfunctioning shield barely able to keep it off of her long enough for Sapphire to save her.
- During their attempts to get Pearl's memories back, Amethyst suggests hitting her where it hurts by reminding her of Rose. Greg is visibly uncomfortable with the idea, but gives his permission for Amethyst to shapeshift into Rose, something that caused him real pain the last time she did it in the series, which is why she looks to him for an okay. Not only is Greg still visibly traumatized by an imitation of Rose, the trick doesn't even work.
- The reveal of Spinel's past, accompanied by her song, "Drift Away". She was originally Pink Diamond's playmate, spending her days in the Garden entertaining and playing with Pink. Then, after receiving her colony, Pink told Spinel to wait until she gets back. But she never did, forcing Spinel to spend 6,000 years waiting and waiting. After seeing Steven's message, she finally realized that Pink isn't coming back, and never intended on coming back in the first place. Her situation can definitely bring "When She Loved Me" to mind."And then she smiled, that's what I'm after/The smile in her eyes, the sound of her laughter/Happy to listen, happy to play/Happily watching her drift away..."
- To compound the problem, Pink didn't tell Spinel the truth about what was happening. Instead, she outright lied and claimed that they were going to "play a game" which involved Spinel standing "very still"—that is, absolutely rooted to one spot—until the Diamond returned for her. Spinel looks at Pink with absolute trust and hope in her eyes, and thinks that this new game is going to be "so much fun." The idea that Pink might have been lying didn't even occur to Spinel. That's how much she loved her Diamond buddy. The Dramatic Irony of seeing the Spinel of the past beaming with joy as she started to play the "game" contrasted with the present Spinel's hopeless, exhausted expression is heartrending.
- What's worse is that during her time waiting Spinel began to believe Pink not coming back was her own fault, under the assumption she was playing their game wrong."Happily wondering, night after night, is this how it works? Am I doing it right?..."
- The moment when she sees Steven's message to the universe, pulls away from the vines that have grown over her feet, and just completely, utterly breaks.Finally something, finally news, about how the story ends
She doesn't exist now, survived by her son
And all of her brand new friends
Isn't that lovely, isn't that cool, and isn't that cruel
And aren't I a fool to have
Happily listened, happily stayed... - Look at Spinel's face and body language during the song. She looks physically and emotionally exhausted throughout the whole thing. Her face shifts from melancholic nostalgia to heartbroken resentment, and her voice cracks in several places as she tries not to cry. It's even worse to see memory!Spinel; she starts off standing there with her cute smile, and then flash-forward a couple of millennia and she's got a worried smile on her face that turns into a frown as she wonders if she's playing the game wrong. By the time Steven's message reaches her, she's a disheveled mess with dirt and vines covering her feet, and she finally moves to run to the communicator and collapses to the ground as the message ends, weeping helplessly at the revelation that she was abandoned.
- For a real-life representation, watch this live performance
of “Drift Away” by Sarah Stiles (the Tony-award nominated Broadway actress who plays Spinel) at the 2019 NYCC (especially from 2:16 on).
- For a real-life representation, watch this live performance
- Worse still, by all appearances, Pink left Spinel there simply because she was becoming annoying to her. She essentially sentenced Spinel to a Fate Worse than Death just for being a little clingy.
- If she wasn’t annoyed by Spinel's clinginess, then she was no doubt bothered by Spinel's wild, silly, playful toy-like antics, which likely made her realize how childish she was compared to Blue and Yellow. So in her desire for them to take her seriously, Pink decided to leave the living reminder of her childishness behind in the garden—and because the other Diamonds had taught her to look at other Gems as nothing more than the purpose they were created for, she paid no mind to Spinel's feelings and how this might affect her mentally. As far as Pink was concerned, Spinel was just a toy that she'd outgrown.
- Remember the song verse in "Familiar": "They love her but they're leaving her behind, with more important places they should be", Pink was abandoned so many times by the Diamonds locking her up in the Prison Tower for millennia before Earth, that she slowly picked it up from them. She did stop doing it when she became Rose, but then most likely forgot about her friend.
- Tying in, Spinel's initial villain song, "Other Friends," becomes this, knowing her history. She was made for the sole purpose of being a friend to Pink Diamond, and Pink abandoned her - Spinel literally was designed to be her best friend, but, that's just the thing; she was made to be her friend. So, on listening to "Other Friends" again, you can hear the bitterness and resentment, raw and fresh. Especially in the following line when she sees Pearl, the only one of the Crystal Gems she knew personally.Spinel: And Pink Diamond's Pearl! Well! She took you with her! Isn't that just... [Smiling, through clenched teeth] swell...?!
- Look at the way Spinel's expression darkens when Steven first asks Pearl who she is. She just got confirmation that not only did Pink Diamond leave her behind, Pink never told anyone about her. Granted, that was because of extenuating circumstances, but still...Spinel: Who am I? Who am I?!/ WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING?!/ I'm the loser of the game you didn't know you were playing!
- The first piece to restoring Spinel's memory? Steven telling her to wait.Spinel: [becoming very angry] NO!!
- Spinel is left alone by the Crystal Gems once again during "Independent Together" and her expression is absolutely heartbreaking. It's implied that even though she had a complete Identity Amnesia, her trauma is so deep-seated that even the Rejuvenator couldn't erase it.
- Rebecca Sugar has said in an interview that Spinel has some tie to Sugar's Adventure Time song, "Everything Stays." The song was inspired by Sugar leaving her favorite toy- a stuffed rabbit- in her garden as a child, forgetting about it, and finding it again so long after that the sun had discolored it. She likens Spinel's story to her rabbit: it’d supposedly been her most beloved toy, yet so easily forgotten about.
- Imagine you find out that your former best friend abandoned you but also that they aren't even alive anymore in one day. Poor Spinel had to have so many mixed emotions upon hearing Steven's message and none of them were good.
- Spinel serves as a foil to Pearl, as both were left in some way by Pink Diamond and were deeply hurt by her actions. One of the resilience factors in not developing PTSD is being surrounded by a loving family that can provide a sense of safety for you. However, while Pearl had her friends to help her move on from the pain of that loss, Spinel didn't even have that.
- Rebecca Sugar has stated that, as an explanation to Spinel's changed appearance when she shows up on Earth, that a Gem can actually poof from sheer emotional overload similar to that of "broken heart syndrome". We might not have seen it, but apparently Spinel was absolutely crushed by the revelation of her abandonment and Pink Diamond's disapperance that she just poofed from the outright weight of it all. Considering none of the loss and trauma we've seen onscreen thus far has caused a poof, saying she was hit hard would be an understatement.
- Just the fact that the Garden was obviously very important to Pink at one time, yet while Yellow and Blue were in mourning, they seemingly forgot about it, despite Blue maintaining some of Pink's facilities, like the Zoo (though that was Blue's idea), and it's now full of dead and overgrown plants.
- Spinel describes the garden as a special place where Pink could escape the troubles of Homeworld. It just reinforces how Pink was never truly happy on Homeworld and could only find joy elsewhere.
- When Spinel initially tries to remember the garden her expression is wistfully happy. Only for everything to come rushing back to her. Her expression is heartbreaking.
- Steven is horrified that his mother left her best friend alone, isolated, and in effect frozen in place for 6,000 years, but at the same time, he is not surprised. Despite how much he still loves her and forgives her for what she's unintentionally put him through because he understands that she's gone through a similar experience, he fully recognizes how flawed and innocently selfish she was.Steven: I can't believe Mom did that to you... [dejected] Actually, I can totally believe it...
- While "Found" is a mostly uplifting song about how Steven will help Spinel recover from her trauma by finding someone who truly appreciates and cares for her, there is clear Dramatic Irony where Spinel attaches herself to Steven, believing that she found her new friend again (and motions to try and hold his hand again after he lets go) and is driven to tears of joy, while Steven has his mind on other things (Taking care of the injector, getting his friends' memories back) and doesn't catch just how much she attached herself to him. This of course leads to...
- In a nasty case of Poor Communication Kills, Steven accidentally miswords his attempts to calm Spinel down when it all seems like he just befriended her to turn off the Injector and then use a Rejuvenator on her to wipe her memories. Unfortunately, all the circumstances align for Spinel's trauma to trigger and make her believe she's going to be betrayed again, causing her to have a panic attack that spirals into her absolutely lashing out when she was so close to early redemption.Spinel: W-Well, what now? I did what you wanted! That's it?!
Steven: Well, yeah! We can just forget this whole thing ever happened!
Spinel: How you gonna forget with me around? I'm the source of all your problems! Don't pretend you want me here! What's your plan for me, huh? You gonna put me somewhere? (Becoming increasingly distressed) You gonna leave me, somewhere?! You gonna leave me alone?! - As Spinel holds Steven off the Injector and is about to release him to his doom, he finally releases his anger and frustration over everything that's happened to him in the past day, all of which he'd experienced before for far too much and thought he'd finally left behind.Steven: I don't get it! Why aren't my powers back?! Aren't I reliving every horrible thing that's ever happened to me?! A Gem I barely know is trying to kill me! I'm paying for stuff my mom did that had nothing to do with me! I'm struggling with my powers! The world's about to end! What piece could I be missing?! THIS IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE!
- It's telling that Steven defines the 'story of his life' with the most traumatic stuff that has happened to him, and not with the love he has experienced with his friends and family, or the good he has done for the galaxy.
- Hell, just before the fight, Steven pleads with Spinel to listen to reason. Her response? "I don't wanna play anymore." Steven actually rubs his eyes in frustration and screams that this isn't a game. You can actually hear his voice cracking. Spinel then punches him in the face.
- Spinel's Villainous Breakdown during her final fight with Steven. She admits she doesn't even know why she is trying to kill Steven, she just wants to be his friend.Spinel: [brokenly starts giggling] That's funny, right? At least you found me entertaining. You actually... liked me... didn't you? (Looks down at her hands) What am I doing? Why do I wanna hurt you so bad? I'm supposed to be a friend...I just wanna be a friend...
- The line before she completely breaks down in tears is particularly effective.Spinel: All that stuff's easy for you to say! When you change, [mockingly] you change for the better! When I change, I CHANGE FOR THE WORSE!! I used to be just not good enough, just not good enough for Pink! But now? Now?! I'M NOT GOOD AT ALL!!!
- The above quote can easily apply to how Rose felt about herself as well. She resents the fact that humanity can change for the better, and that she only changes for the worse because of all her mistakes. She wasn't good enough for Homeworld because the Diamonds always put her down and make her feel worthless, she wasn't good enough for anyone on Earth either because she couldn't bring herself to open up to her friends and family and always hurt them with her ignorant behavior, and now she thinks of herself as the worst person in the galaxy. It's heavily implied that deep down, one of the reasons why she replaced herself with Steven was to give her loved ones better lives, all because she hates herself for her selfishness and lack of consideration of other people's feelings.
- The whole fight almost didn't happen, because Spinel actively tried to goad Steven into cutting her down with the Rejuvenator, saying that she knows he wants to since he liked the innocent, naive, “stupid” version of her better. It's Spinel projecting her own self-loathing onto Steven, to an almost suicidal degree.
- This also implies that her potential Memory Gambit of letting Steven hit her with the Rejuvenator earlier wasn't just to keep him from deactivating the injector, but because she genuinely wanted to remain in her more innocent and happier state, free of the pain Pink caused by abandoning her.
- Keeping this in mind, the fact that Spinel actually smiled when Steven hit her with the Rejuvenator is really sad.
- The mere fact that Spinel actually starts pounding her own head when Steven tries to understand her. She's so broken that she would rather harm herself than accept that someone wants to help her. Sure, it's accompanied by a goofy squeak sound, but that doesn't undermine the meaning of that action.Steven: Listen, Spinel. I understand. After everything you've been through, you must be in a lot of pain.
Spinel: No... No! [pounds her head in frustration] You don't understand! You can't change how I feel!
- The line before she completely breaks down in tears is particularly effective.
- Steven's lament about the Happy Ending Override, especially given that later - in Future - an inability to accept a world in which he really doesn't have anything to do becomes a point of trauma for him:Steven: There's no such thing as happily ever after. I'll always have more work to do.
- Spinel’s remorse and guilt for all the pain she caused Steven and his friends cause her to try and walk away from everyone, even after Steven reaches out to her to stay. Hearing her speak, Spinel likely felt that she didn’t deserve redemption or forgiveness from Steven after everything she had done.Steven: Spinel, wait! I was really going to come back!
Spinel: [sadly] I know.
Steven: Then where are you going?
Spinel: I’ve got work to do... Friendship isn’t going to be easy, I'm gonna have to work on it. You make me want to try but... (sighs), I’ve already messed up bad with you. I just wish I could start over from scratch with somebody.- Thankfully, it becomes Tears of Joy after the Diamonds arrive and offer for Spinel to come live with them, giving her that chance to start over.
- The Diamonds' reprise of "Let Us Adore You" starts off very heartwarming, but when Spinel takes up the song, finding common ground with the Diamonds, it changes the perspective of the song becoming extremely bittersweet yet hopeful:
Spinel: Yes I know that you're not her, and I was hers,
But you know what it meant to love her,
And you remind me so much of her
