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Greetings, everyone. You may know me as the First Guardian of Alternia. I often go by Doc Scratch. You may call me that if you want.Let's see, now, where to begin?That was a joke, you see. An omnipotent, omniscient, and charming individual such as myself always knows where to begin.Ha ha. Hee hee.I was born, like other First Guardians, within a certain Alternian session of Sburb, a game in which players must work together to defeat the forces of darkness, and achieve the ultimate reward. I was created by using several special genetic codes, codes that grant me access to the powers of The Green Sun. I am also made from prototyping the ghost slime of a handsome little puppet and an all-knowing cue ball. I am not a gambling man, but I suppose some of us are just born lucky.I first appeared in the comic in a conversation with one of my many pupils. No, not the kind that humans and trolls have on their faces, I would need to have eyes for that. And a face, quite frankly. Ah, she was willful, that one, always trying to stay a step ahead of me, seeking the blind spots in my knowledge, believing she could outsmart me. Of course, that is what I allowed her to believe, anyway. The stubborn ones are always the easiest to manipulate, especially if they believe they are doing the manipulating. These people are the ones I usually refer to as suckers. Plus, I've always had a soft spot for young ladies.And no, that isn't creepy. I am an immortal entity with a large cueball for a head, and no biological means of reproduction.When you get to be my age,everyone seems young by comparison.It should be noted that while First Guardians are usually created to watch over their respective planets, that is not my only purpose for being. You see, I am under the employ of my master, an invincible, time-traveling demon known as Lord English. He has only one goal, and that is to enter this universe, and then consume it. His disciples and I have gone to great lengths to precipitate his arrival. Upon the event known as my death, he will enter the universe and wreak havoc across paradox space like none have ever seen before. Although, as I have said before to another of my pupils, trying to stop any of our plans is futile. My master's entry into this universe is a known quantity. His very existence in a universe guarantees its inevitable destruction. His destructive destiny is sanctioned by paradox space, a neat and orderly path that will lead to his arrival. Any attempt to change this course of action is impossible.He will come.In fact, he is already here.Now, I will proceed to give you analysis on my own character. After all, an excellent host must always be open to new people.
Affably Evil: Even if I'm a villain, that will not stop me from being a gentleman.
Angrish: I slip into this from time to time when something really agitates me.
A God I Am Not: I have power and knowledge far surpassing a god. But I am not one.
Asexuality: It's rather complicated to talk about.
Berserk Button: I must warn you. Do not steal or break any valuable artifact that belongs to me.
The Blank: As the Felt's "cueball", I am devoid of any facial features whatsoever.
Brutal Honesty: The truth hurts, especially if I'm the one revealing it.
Technical Pacifist: I prefer to manipulate others to kill my targets, rather than do it myself. After all, I'm a facilitator, not an assassin.
Thanatos Gambit: The Plan was inevitable. In any case, Lord English would have been summoned anyway. He is, after all, already here.
Theme Naming: Like my master, my name derives from a billiards term.
Time Abyss: I am as old as the planet I manipulate.
Villains Never Lie: Deception is only necessary for those like you to achieve their objectives. I always play with my cards face up. However, I'll tell a lie or two for a good joke. After all, it's only a lie if you don't find out. Besides, I can't tell you everything. It would take too long. It's not my fault if people are asking the wrong questions.
Wicked Cultured: I am always the sophisticated type, like an excellent host should be.