Curiosity Killed
And no, we aren't talking cats.
Crypt Keeper: GERONIMO!!! (he jumps from offscreen and lands in some bushes, which he pops out of) So glad you could drop in, kill-seekers! Don't worry about me, it only hearse when I laugh! (cackles, then groans in pain) Boy, that was good! It's even better than hang-gliding! (cackles) Of course, some folks would rather keep their feet on terror firma, like the people in tonight's putrid piece. They're spending a nice, quiet weekend in the woods, going hack to nature! (cackles) I call this fetid fable: Curiosity Killed.
Jack and Cynthia's (Kevin McCarthy and Margot Kidder) marriage is, in every single aspect, terrible. For 45 years, the pair have been bickering and arguing non-stop, with Cynthia hurling abuse (as well as whatever she can grab) at her husband for every single thing he does, whether he's directly responsible for it or not. In the present day, the couple have taken their RV and are camping out in the middle of the woods with Jack's friend Harry (J. A. Preston) and his own wife Lucille (Madge Sinclair), who are much more easy-going and tolerant. Harry is revealed to have invited Jack to these woods because they contain Icarunda bulbs, special flowers that grow by the light of the full moon, and only when planted in or around human remains. These flowers happen to be the key ingredient of a potion that Lucille (who dabbles in voodoo) is cooking in the kinder couples' RV, which will let them become young again. Harry particularly wants to share the potion with Jack to repay him for saving his life when they served in Guadalcanal together, while Jack tries to keep Cynthia from knowing about the potion because he doesn't want to relive the best years of his life with her. Cynthia starts growing deathly afraid that her husband and his friend are planning to kill her as they gather the necessary supplies, but when she learns of the truth, she develops plans for obtaining the potion, not wanting to split it with anyone but herself.
Tropes:
- Answer Cut: When a couple of campers discover Jack's dog, having ingested some more of the youth potion and regressed to a puppy, chewing on a bone, they ask where he could have gotten it from. The camera pans over to Cynthia's mutilated remains, which appear old once again.
- Awful Wedded Life: Cynthia and Jack. These two are always arguing and slinging insults at one another, to the point where Harry tells Lucille that they've been doing so for 45 continuous years.
- Camping Episode: The two couples spend the whole episode camping in the woods, where the Icarunda bulbs Lucille wants to use for her potion grow.
- Chekhov's Gun: The vodka that Jack stashed under his RV's passenger seat. Harry warns him that one drop of the stuff could ruin the whole potion on contact, and that's just what Cynthia uses it for in the climax.
- Cordon Bleugh Chef: Cynthia thinks this regarding the healthy vegan food that Jack tries to prepare for their outdoor dinner, rebuking it as "leftovers from a compost heap" and wanting to be served "real food in a real restaurant".
- Establishing Character Moment: Jack and Cynthia are introduced sharing a highly-tense "all natural" dinner in the woods. The second Jack lets out a belch, Cynthia goes off on him, prompting Jack to return fire.
- "Everybody Dies" Ending: All of the main characters are dead by the end of the episode.
- Evil-Detecting Dog: Jack's dog barks and growls aggressively at Cynthia, hinting that the old woman abuses it.
- Evil Is Hammy: Cynthia, who never once shuts up about how much she hates everything, especially Jack and his friends.
- Foreshadowing: Jack complains that Cynthia is going to kill him if she doesn't stop yelling. Guess what she does by the episode's end?
- Foul Flower: Icarunda, the flowers that Lucille needs for her potion. They grow rapidly by the light of the full moon, and can only gain nutrients from the remains of a dead human being. If utilized in just the right way, their juice can be used to grant extended youth. If used in the wrong way, they'll cause whoever ingests them to age to dust.
- Fountain of Youth: The portion that Lucille whips up, and which Harry wants to share with Jack, will help the trio become young again. Cynthia sabotages it by spiking it with vodka, and the tainted potion ends up causing the three to age to the point where they turn to dust. Cynthia takes a sample of the untainted potion for herself and becomes young again, but her victory is short-lived since she's mauled to death by Jack's dog, which also managed to drink some of the potion and breaks free of its leash.
- Gold Digger: Cynthia reveals herself to be one near the end, bragging about how she plans to use her younger body to marry a man with money.
- Groin Attack: Cynthia visualizes cutting off Jack's dick as part of how she would kill him, but decides to reconsider since he hasn't used it in 20 years.
- Hair-Trigger Temper: Anything and everything can and will set Cynthia off on one of her "bitch fits". The opening scene alone has her flinging insults at Jack after he simply belches.
- Hate Sink: Cynthia, who Lucille outright calls a "crocodile". Not only does she scream all of her dialogue, she hurls abuse (and anything she can grab) at Jack for every little thing he does, as well as doing the same to Harry and Lucille, who don't even offend her personally throughout the episode. She also tampers with Lucille's potion so it kills everyone else before ingesting an untainted sample for herself. Thankfully, Jack's dog (which is implied to be abused by the hateful old crone) breaks free of its leash and tears her to pieces.
- Hollywood Voodoo: Lucille is a practitioner of voodoo, and she aspires to use special Icarunda flowers that grow in the woods where she and Harry murdered and buried his ex-wife, to make a potion that will make herself, Harry, and Jack young again.
- Human Resources: The bulbs that grow into the Icarunda Lucille needs for the potion were brought to America by her father, and Harry stuffed them into the mouth of Emma's corpse after he killed her, prompting him and Jack to dig up her skeleton to harvest them.
- I Owe You My Life: Harry and Jack served in Guadalcanal together, where the latter saved the former's life. Along with his genuine friendship with Jack, this is the main reason he wants to share the potion with him.
- In Name Only: The comic that the episode takes its name from was about a shrewish wife who suspects their neighbor killed his own wife, her best friend who treated her own husband the same way, only to find out in the end that her husband was in on it and has to fast forward their plans.
- It's All About Me: Cynthia only cares about herself, and she has no problem swiping a sample of the potion before tainting the rest with vodka and watching Jack, Harry, and Lucille die of rapid aging, now that she can find herself a younger and better man.
- Laser-Guided Karma: Though Cynthia paid the price for her wickedness, and Jack was largely innocent, Harry and Lucille are also subject to karma for working together to kill the former's first wife, Emma, with a 6-inch blade, and then using her corpse as fertilizer to properly grow the bulbs Lucille inherited to grow the Icarunda for the youth potion.
- The Loins Sleep Tonight: Cynthia comments that Jack hasn't "used" his dick in 20 years, which makes her reconisder chopping it off.
- Madness Mantra: The ominous "Ghoulie, Ghoulie" song that Jack sings as he and Harry prepare the potion.
- Motor Mouth: Cynthia can hurl insults at speeds that can rival some of the fastest cars ever made.
- My Greatest Failure: In what is notably the only moment in the whole episode where she's painted in a genuinely sympathetic light, Cynthia laments to Lucille that she married Jack when she was young, beautiful, and in her own words, foolish. 45 years later, she sadly contemplates how she has nothing to show for sacrificing her best qualities in Jack's name.
- Nature Lover: Lucille grew up on an island surrounded by nature, reminiscing on how her family used to sit on tree stumps, smell the fragrance of jasmine in the air, and listen to the sounds of silence.
- No Indoor Voice: Cynthia screams every single piece of her dialogue to accentuate how evil she is.
- Oh, Crap!: Jack has one when Harry "introduces" him to Emma's decayed corpse. He still agrees to go through with their plans to harvest the Icarunda growing around the body, despite his apprehension.
- Open Secret: It's made clear that Harry had a wife before Lucille, Emma, who he stabbed to death so the Icarunda flowers for Lucille's potion could grow in and around her corpse. Jack is told the story by Harry, and if Lucille's tone when Cynthia reveals the fact to her is any indication, she helped him do it.
- Out-of-Context Eavesdropping: Cynthia starts jumping to conclusions and thinking that Jack is going to kill her when she hears what sounds like a murder plot inside their RV, then sees him and Harry digging up Emma's grave.
- Rapid Aging: Jack, Lucille, and Harry end up aging to dust after Cynthia spikes the potion with vodka, but not before she saves some of the pure stuff for herself. After Jack's dog kills her, her remains revert back to their old age.
- Reduced to Dust: What happens to Jack, Harry, and Lucille when they ingest the tainted potion.
- Robbing the Dead: Jack and Harry dig up the corpse of the latter's first wife, Emma, to collect the bulbs of the Icarunda growing around the body.
- Running Gag: Cynthia is constantly swatting mosquitoes looking to bite her throughout the episode.
- Scream Discretion Shot: Jack's dog growls and breaks his chain after drinking some of the spilled potion. It then pounces on Cynthia, mauling her to death as she screams in the background.
- Tampering with Food and Drink: Cynthia turns the youth potion into a rapid-aging potion by spiking it with vodka.
- Ungrateful Bastard:
- After clarifying that he and Harry weren't going to kill her, and that Lucille is cooking a potion that can help them be young again, Jack offers to let Cynthia share the potion so they can be young together. When she takes the bait, Jack promptly destroys the Icarunda she provides for the potion in front of her, refusing to put up with her horrid attitude for another 45 years.
- Cynthia gets back at him very soon afterwards when she spikes the potion and takes some of the pure stuff for herself, watching as Jack, Harry, and Lucille shrivel to dust with selfish glee and boasting that she'll get a new man with her younger self.
(The Crypt Keeper, wearing a Boy Scout uniform, plants the bulb of an Icarunda in the mouth of a skull in a flowerpot sitting in front of him; a second pot, with an Incarunda already in bloom, sits next to him)
Crypt Keeper: That Cynthia's a real shrieking violet, wouldn't you say, kiddies? A regular afterlife of the party! Didn't know I was a Bore Scout, did you? Well, I am! My horror-ticulture scare-it badge requires me to plant croak-uses. Hmmm... A shame, really. I'd much rather plant... die-brids! (cackles)
