Airdate: Monday, January 12, 2004
Sender: Taylor R., Queen Creek AZ
Strong Bad: Email is like a prison. A prison with no walls... and no toilet.
Taylor R. from "Queen Creek, Alcatraz" ("Somebody on the inside! Get out soon, Taylor.") wants to know what Strong Bad would be like in a video game. Strong Bad explains that it would depend on what system he was on:
- On a "really old system", he'd be the star of Secret Collect, where the graphics would "only kinda" look like him (a red pixel) as he runs around a futuristic maze collecting things that look nothing like him (yellow pixels)
- Strong Bad also imagines being in StrongBadZone, a vector-based game where rather than the player controlling Strong Bad ("'Cause you can't control me!"), the player would control a "spiky-headed 3D cyber-shield guy with a cyber shield". The object would be to deflect "3D geometric attacks" from a giant vector version of Strong Bad's disembodied head as it tries to inflict "certain 3D doom" on the player.Vector Strong Bad: YOUR HEAD A SPLODE
Strong Bad: Naturally, there'd be some problems with bad translation. - Strong Bad also imagines being in Thy Dungeonman, a text-based adventure with an obtuse parser that doesn't explain why the player can't "get ye flask".Strong Bad: And you'd just have to sit there and imagine why on Earth you can't get ye flask! Because the game's certainly not going to tell you.
(The words "I'm certainly not going to tell thou." appear on screen)
Strong Bad: And there's no precious graphics to help you out, either!
(The words "Graphics shmaphics... forsooth!" appear on screen) - Strong Bad feels the best would be appearing in "one of those brand-new super-photorealistic games", like RhinoFeeder, where a 16-bit Strong Bad runs around on a grassy field with a rhino that needs feeding and snakes that need to be dodged.
Strong Bad: So hopefully one day technology will catch up with my advanced thinking, so all the ladies can start making out with their TV screens. (turns to face the camera)
Tropes:
- Department of Redundancy Department: Strong Bad describes the protagonist of StrongBadZone as "Some kinda 3D shield guy with a shield... Some kind of spikey-headed 3D cyber-shield guy... with a cyber-shield!"
- Disco Dan: Strong Bad describes the low-res 16-bit graphics of RhinoFeeder as "photorealistic".
- Intentional Engrish for Funny: Vector Strong Bad from StrongBadZone speaks in deliberately fractured English, saying things like "YOUR HEAD A SPLODE".
- Irony:
- When showing off StrongBadZone, Strong Bad shouts that "YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME!" even though the player would do so in two games featured in this email.
- When showing off Thy Dungeonman, Strong Bad says the game wouldn't tell you why "you can't get ye flask". In the actual Thy Dungeonman game, if you try to "get ye flask" the game explains that the flask has been bolted to the wall.
- Item Get!: Picking up a secret in "Secret Collect" earns the message "Secret collect!"
- Libation for the Dead: At the end, Strong Bad pours out a Cold One for Taylor "and all my peoples got sent up the river."
- Shout-Out: Vector Strong Bad is a pastiche of Sinistar.
- Suddenly Shouting: When Strong Bad talks about how the player wouldn't control him in "StrongBadZone", he suddenly shouts "Cause YOU CAN'T CONTROL ME!" and shakes the "camera".
- The Triple: Thy Dungeonman lists the directions you can go in the dungeon as "North, South, and Dennis".
- Word, Schmord!: After Strong Bad describes how there's no "precious graphics" to help in Thy Dungeonman, the screen shows the message "Graphics, shmaphics... forsooth!"
- You Can't Get Ye Flask: The Trope Namer, and discussed as Strong Bad describes being in the text-based adventure game Thy Dungeonman.
- Your Head A-Splode: Again, the Trope Namer. This is what happens to the player if they get hit by Vector Strong Bad in StrongBadZone.
Strong Bad: Until next time... Taylor, this one's for you, and all my peoples got sent up the river. (pours out a Cold One)
(The Paper comes down.)
