Recap / M*A*S*H S4 E4: The Late Captain Pierce

In the middle of the night, Klinger wakes B.J. with news of a very important phone call waiting for him at the administration building. It's Hawkeye's dad. Mystified why Mr. Pierce isn't asking for his son and alerted by the fact Mr. Pierce is calling at all as Hawkeye knows he doesn't use the phone unless it's an emergency, he and B.J. go to answer but the call is cut short before they can get any response. Hawkeye decides to wait for his father to call again.

The next morning, Lieutenant Detmuller from Morgue Detail rolls in, expecting to pick up a casualty from the hospital. It is soon made known that Hawkeye is the one who Detmuller was expecting to collect, meaning the Army has officially listed Hawkeye as being dead. Knowing that the Army would have informed his father about his death, Hawkeye tries to get back in touch with him to tell him about the mistake. Unfortunately, due to security measures involving the visit of one President-Elect Eisenhower to Korea, Hawkeye is unable to.

And then comes the negative consequences of him being listed as dead...

Attention, all personnel. We celebrate the life of Captain Pierce with the following tropes:

• Amusing Injuries: At the wake, Detmuller accidentally sets his rear end on fire after sitting on the Swamp's stove for too long.
• Asshole Victim:
  • Klinger throws a handful of snow on Frank Burns' bare feet as the major is sleeping.
    Frank: [yelps] Oooh!
  • As he's signing his name for payday, B.J. smudges Frank's pay sheet with ink. He looks up, expecting to get a rise out of Frank. When he gets it, he apologises.
• Attending Your Own Funeral: BJ throws a wake for Hawkeye. Since everyone knows he's alive, his presence is a foregone conclusion and the whole thing is a big joke; the "deceased" delivers his own eulogy, with twenty minutes for rebuttal by the guests.
• Berserk Button: Hawkeye discovers that being listed as dead isn't as fun as he initially thought it would be when his mail is stopped and he is denied money at payday, leaving him angry and upset.
• Black Comedy: Lieutenant Detmuller spends much of the episode hoping there will be a dead body he can take on his bus to make up for his part in the mishap involving Hawkeye.
• By-the-Book Cop: Frank swears to B.J. that payday on his watch will be done this way or not at all.
• Cerebus Syndrome: Due to mistakenly being listed as dead, and all that goes along with that, Hawkeye decides to use the Army's mistake to go home to Maine. B.J. endeavours to talk him out of it, leading to one of the most melancholy conversations ever shared in the show, which would later be echoed in "Depressing News".
  B.J.: You're really going home?
  Hawkeye: Finally. I've been fighting death since I came over here. I'm tired of death. I'm tired to death. If you can't lick it, join it. [to the cadavers on the bus] Right, boys?
  B.J.: You can't go, Hawk.
  Hawkeye: I have to. The Army says I'm dead. I can't disobey.
  B.J.: I'm afraid you're going to have to.
  [Helicopter approaches]
  Hawkeye: [closes his eyes] Wounded.
  B.J.: [nods] Klinger says a lot.
  Hawkeye: I don't care. I really don't. They'll keep coming whether I'm here or not. Trapper went home, they're still coming. Henry got killed and they're still coming. Wherever they're from, they'll never run out.
  B.J.: You're serious?
  Hawkeye: Dead serious.
• Chronic Hero Syndrome: A depressed Hawkeye is about to leave the 4077, utilising his so-called death as a ticket home, but upon hearing wounded being brought into the camp, this trope gets the better of him and he walks back in.
• Continuity Nod:
  • Hawkeye makes mention of Trapper's departure and Henry's death.
  • The confusion of the differences between time zones in regards to the unit getting phone calls from the US rears its head again.
    Hawkeye: What time is it?
    Klinger: Two o'clock.
    Hawkeye: No, there. What time is it there now?
    B.J.: It's eighteen hours earlier.
    Klinger: I never know. Either it's yesterday afternoon or a week from next Tuesday.
    B.J.: It's, uh, eight o'clock last night.
• Covered in Gunge: During their fight in the mess tent, Hawkeye shoves carrots down Frank's shirt and then slaps some mashed potatoes to his face.
  Frank: Oh, I hate carrots.
• Deadpan Snarker:
  • Klinger, when Detmuller recognises him for his reputation.
    Detmuller: Hey! Aren't you the guy who's trying to get out pretending he's a woman?
    Klinger: No, no. I'm the woman trying to get in pretending I'm a guy.
  • When Detmuller gets worried he'll be transferred to something worse than morgue detail, he asks Hawkeye if there are any other dead bodies in the unit.
    Hawkeye: We try to avoid that around here.
• Escalating Brawl: Frank vs Hawkeye at payday.
• Exhaustion-Induced Idiocy: Radar is on R&R because of overwork, leading to actions such as putting carbon paper in the latrines.
• Explain, Explain... Oh, Crap!: Hawkeye gets the answer for his father's late-night phone call when Detmuller shows him a death certificate, proving the Army has labelled Hawkeye as being killed in action.
  Detmuller: Just a copy, sir. They send the original back to the next of kin.
  Hawkeye: Who would've been notified by telegram.
  Detmuller: Army's very good about that.
  [Hawkeye abruptly ends his shower]
  Hawkeye: No wonder my father didn't ask for me. He thinks I'm dead.
• Foreshadowing:
  • When Hawkeye's dad phones the 4077 in the middle of the night, he wants to talk to B.J. instead of his son. B.J. and Hawkeye wonder why this is the case. He thinks his son is dead.
  • When B.J. and Klinger initially try to wake Hawkeye, he's having a dream about being executed.
  • After learning of the mistake the Army made in registering Hawkeye as dead, Klinger offers to take his place onboard the morgue detail bus. In the end, Hawkeye plans to do this himself once he understands being "dead" isn't all it's cracked up to be.
• Frothy Mugs of Water: Averted. The "wake" B.J. throws for Hawkeye has beer cans by the ton.
• Gosh Dang It to Heck!: Frank.
  Frank: Oh, go fish.
• Karma Houdini: Hawkeye faces no punishment for attacking Frank. After all, you can't court martial the dead.
• Kick the Dog: Frank makes fun of the fact that Hawkeye will no longer be getting his pay due to him being mistakenly registered as dead by the army.
  Frank: You're deceased. You're off the payroll! Hahahaha. Hahaha.
  Hawkeye: That's not funny, Frank.
  Frank: Well, if you're too dead for calisthenics, you're too dead for pay. Next!
  Hawkeye: Wait a minute, hold it. I gotta have that money, Frank. It's not like I can work someplace else. I mean, there's not another army across the street looking for help.
  Frank: Next!
  Hawkeye: Don't do this, Frank.
  Frank: So....Being dead isn't as much fun as you thought it'd be, huh?
  • This swiftly turns into a case of Bullying a Dragon as Hawkeye attacks Frank.
• Never Heard That One Before: Digger has the attitude towards jokes about his job.
  Digger: Hey! Hey! I'm, uh, Lieutenant Detmuller of the uh, Quartermater Corps, Morgue Detail. I'm here to pick up a body. Who do I see?
  Hawkeye: I believe Corporal Klinger can assist you in this undertaking.
  Digger: Not one straight man in the whole Army.
• Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Colonel Potter brought Captain Pratt in to help resolve Hawkeye's crisis. Pratt's solution, unfortunately, involves paperwork that would take months to process.
  Colonel Potter: You were a big help.
• Oh, Crap!: When Hawkeye claims he missed Frank's morning calisthenics because he's dead, Potter's convinced he's being humorous. Then Hawkeye produces the death certificate from Army HQ and Potter realises quickly what's going on.
  Colonel Potter: Corporal! (Beat) Boy, they are pips.
  Klinger: Sir?
  Colonel Potter: There's been some kind of clerical error down the line. Captain Pierce here has been listed as dead.
  Klinger: Oh. That explains...
  Hawkeye: The phone call. They notified my father already.
  Colonel Potter: Get on the stick, Corporal. Get word to his father. Dig into the paperwork. Let's clear this up, on the double.
• Out-of-Character Alert: Hawkeye remarks that his father never calls anyone unless it's important.
  Hawkeye: With my father, a swarm of locusts in the bathroom would only rate a postcard.
• Plot-Driven Breakdown: Klinger is unable to get through to Hawkeye's father for the bulk of the episode due to the telegram cables and phones lines being closed off as a part of a security measure for Eisenhower's visit to Korea.
• Pun: The PA announcement for Hawkeye's "wake" includes a couple of doozies:
  PA Announcer: We'll be mourning all afternoon and evening. [...] Remains to be seen in the Swamp.
• Retcon: Before this episode, Hawkeye had always stated his home was in Vermont. While this was implied to no longer be the case in "Welcome to Korea", it is here that Crabapple Cove, Maine is directly mentioned as Hawkeye's hometown.
• Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Getting nowhere in trying to contact his father or getting aid from the Army in reversing the death certificate, Hawkeye decides to leave the 4077 and head home.
• Shout-Out: Captain Pratt describes Hawkeye as an unperson, referencing George Orwell's 1984.
• The Tag: Hawkeye finally gets through to his father at last.
• What the Hell, Hero?: Hawkeye is less than pleased with Captain Pratt's flippancy.
  Pratt: What has happened is that some clerk down the line has obviously switched your name with that of a deceased patient on a Certificate of Death. It happens all the time. (chuckles)
  Hawkeye: (Tranquil Fury) And has the real dead man's (sarcastic chuckle) family been notified?
• With a Foot on the Bus: Pierce gets fed up with being declared dead, so he gets on the morgue bus intent on using his death certificate as a ticket home. When he hears that wounded are coming, he decides he's needed there and stays.
• Written-In Absence: Radar is currently on R&R down in Seoul, leaving Klinger to cover his duties.
• Wrong Assumption: When Klinger wakes him to inform him there's a phone call for him from the States, B.J. asks if it's his wife. It isn't: it's Hawkeye's dad.
  B.J.: Pierce's father calling me?
  Klinger: That's what he said, sir.
  B.J.: Doesn't make sense.

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