A cold change is in the air as the onset of winter catches the members of the 4077 off-guard. The Army in all of their infinite wisdom did not send the camp any winter clothing or extra supplies for the season. As such, the characters have to make use of whatever they got to keep themselves warm while also freezing to the bone. The only person seemingly unaffected by the chill is Hawkeye who, unbeknownst to everyone, has been sent double-weave long johns from his father. Hilarity Ensues when Trapper persistently begs to borrow them from Hawkeye, who gradually caves in out of irritation, but loses them to Radar in a poker game. Radar trades it over to the cook in exchange for a leg of roast lamb and mint jelly. The cook bribes Frank with them. Margaret tells him forcefully to hand them over to her. Klinger tries to steal them from Frank at gunpoint, only for it to be revealed Frank no longer has them, and proceeds to steal them from Margaret. Overcome by a guilty conscience and fearful for his life if he was to be found with them, Klinger gives them to Father Mulcahy during a confessional. Father Mulcahy then turns the long johns in to Colonel Blake, who wants to keep them for himself. Hawkeye and Trapper enter his office to get them back.
Attention, all personnel! These tropes weaved in through the camp like a pair of long johns...
- Always Someone Better: Hawkeye loses a nurse to – (Wait a sec, that can't be right! ...Oh, Rule of Funny, huh?) – Hawkeye loses a nurse to Radar.Hawkeye: She must have frostbite on her taste.
- An Offer You Can't Refuse:
- To get the longjohns from Radar, the cook offers him a real leg of roast lamb and a large bowl of mint jelly.
- The cook covertly offers Frank the longjohns in return for not busting him down a rank for failing the kitchen inspection.
- Answer Cut: Hawkeye learns his long johns were stolen from Margaret's tent and remarks, "Only God knows where they are now." The scene cuts to Father Mulcahy, who is about to have an improvised confessional with the thief.
- Apologetic Attacker: Klinger apologises for holding Frank up when the major reveals he doesn't have the long johns anymore.
- Armor-Piercing Question: Margaret asks Frank how much he loves her and what he would give up for her.
- Ask a Stupid Question...: You get a snappy response from Hawkeye.Radar: If I have three red cards and they're all red, would that mean I have three of a kind?Hawkeye: Is that a question for a grown man to ask?
- Author Appeal: Homoerotic Subtext, Hot-Blooded Margaret and Hawkeye wanting to kiss Margaret's oak leaves; Alan Alda already on fine form.
- Bait-and-Switch: At the poker game, Trapper has a full house and Radar has two pairs. Full house beats two pairs, right? Not here. After being asked what pairs he had, Radar answers tens. They're all tens. Two pairs of tens = Four tens = Four of a kind. Whoops. Hand over the long johns, Trapper.
- Blatant Lies: The cook had once told Frank his wife was dead. Now caught in his lie, he makes flimsy excuses that even Frank can see through.Frank: Sergeant, I would be very surprised if you never even had a wife, let alone a stiff one.
- Blunt "Yes": When Margaret angrily asks Frank if he can think of anything he has that he'd give up for her.Frank: [thoughtfully, after a beat] Gee, no.
- Chain of Deals: How Hawkeye's long johns end up making their way around the whole camp.
- Character Filibuster: Hawkeye launches into one of his trademark rants after Margaret tells him how "her" long underwear was stolen:Hawkeye: Your underwear?! Now they're your underwear? You wouldn't even have seen them if Trapper hadn't been coughing up his lungs! And that febrile idiot didn't hold four tens against our throats, and didn't get an adolescent crush on a leg of lamb! Your underwear?! Once you got them, you couldn't even keep your hands on them!
- *Click* Hello: While on guard duty, Klinger holds Franks up so he can steal the long johns.
- Cold Snap: Korea is in the throes of one of these, prompting the camp-wide demand for Hawkeye's long johns.
- Comically Missing the Point: Frank doesn't seems to realize Klinger is holding him at gunpoint for the long johns.Frank: Take off my clothes?! Now look, Klinger, I know you're trying to get sent home as a nut, but wearing dresses is bad enough. Don't. Get. Repulsive.
- Margaret brings Hawkeye into her tent after calling out for help. Hawkeye naturally gets the wrong idea.Margaret:Hawkeye: You don't know the nights I've lain awake dreaming of this moment. May I kiss your oak leaf, Major?Margaret: Where were you just now?Hawkeye: Over in surgery, perfecting my old sawing-the-man-in-half routine. Where do you think I was at this time of night?Margaret: Somebody ran off with my underwear!Hawkeye: Well, I hope that teaches you something about blind dates, Margaret.
- Margaret brings Hawkeye into her tent after calling out for help. Hawkeye naturally gets the wrong idea.
- Confessional: Father Mulcahy shares one with the long johns thief.
- Corrupt Corporate Executive: Played for laughs and subverted. In an icy cold Korean winter, without any other warm clothing available, it's hard to blame Henry for wanting to keep the long johns for himself.
- Deadpan Snarker:
- Hawkeye's response to Trapper's surprise reaction to him having long johns:Hawkeye: Certainly. You think I want to catch cold and die like you?
- Hawkeye suggests that Trapper uses his second blanket to keep warm:Trapper: I'd like to, but somebody stole it. This war is turning everybody into a criminal and it's making me sick.
Hawkeye: Well, next time, try to stay out of the draft. [cackles uproariously] - Trapper, again:Trapper: You better get some rest, Hawkeye. You're gonna need all your strength tomorrow... to bury me.
- Trapper in the chow line:Trapper: Is there a reason this line is going so slow, it's moving in the opposite direction?
- Hawkeye and Trapper catch Henry wearing the stolen long johns – which he's confiscated for "safekeeping" – and when he asks them to identify them, they challenge him to do so (without looking):Henry: Well, uh, they're long...
Hawkeye: And they're johns. That's them, all right. I guess they're his.
- Hawkeye's response to Trapper's surprise reaction to him having long johns:
- Deal with the Devil: Played for Laughs with Trapper trying desperately to get the long johns from Hawkeye. Doubly funny is that it's Trapper who's naming the price.Trapper: $50 and a picture of my children. $60 and you can have the children!
- Disproportionate Retribution: At first Radar thinks Hawkeye and Trapper are taking Henry to surgery because he was hoarding the long johns.
- Don't Say Such Stupid Things!: Henry reprimands Radar for writing down every word he's saying while dictating a letter to the Quartermaster Corps' commanding officer.Henry: Uh... I gratefully acknowledge the receipt of the latest shipment of supplies to our unit.
Radar: [writing] ...to our unit.
Henry: The mosquito netting and the summer underwear were very much appreciated. [aside, as he tries to warm himself] Oh, boy. I am wearing so many pairs of cotton drawers, my thighs don't know each other anymore.
Radar: [still writing] ...thighs don't know each other anymore.
Henry: Don't tell him about my thighs, Corporal! What's the matter with you?! - Flowery Insults: When Hawkeye sees Frank wearing the long johns:Hawkeye: Those are mine, you hermaphroditic weasel!
- Here We Go Again!: Hilariously averted in The Stinger.
- Honor Before Reason: If Hawkeye and Trapper had just kept their mouths shut about Radar's poker victory, they would have been able to keep the long johns.
- I'm Gonna Kill Him: Hawkeye, when he discovers how Radar caught the attentions of a nurse he was embracing: by offering her his long johns as a gift. He has to be physically restrained by Trapper.Hawkeye: I'll break his leg, set it, and break it again!
- Jaw Drop: Trapper is shocked to discover Hawkeye is wearing long johns.
- Large Ham: Hawkeye, even more than usual.
- Lighter and Softer: In terms of writing. The first episode Alan Alda writes and it's a lighthearted Chain of Deals instead of Emotional Destruction.
- MacGuffin: The long johns.
- Mass "Oh, Crap!": Hawkeye and Trapper realise Radar won the poker game, and the long johns.
- Nominal Importance: A non-living example. Radar burns some old rescinding orders for heat.
- Playing Sick: Trapper's last resort to getting the long johns for himself. It works, but only because Hawkeye's irritated by it.
- Pun-Based Title: Playing on "flap" as in a squabble or controversy, and "flap" as in the button-up rear covering on a thermal union suit such that featured in the episode.
- Ruptured Appendix: Henry suffers one towards the end of the episode.
- Screw the Rules, I Have Connections!: More to the second part of the trope. Hawkeye got the long johns from his father.
- Shout-Out:
- Stopped by Klinger in the compound, Frank gives the password phrase: "Mickey Mouse has warts."
- As Henry, suffering from an appendicitis attack, walks out of his office in a low crouch:Hawkeye: By the way, I loved you in Duck Soup.
- Skewed Priorities: Henry refuses an emergency appendectomy if it means cutting up the long johns he's wearing.
- The camp reacts more jubilantly to the news the long johns have been saved than the news that Henry's pulled through his operation.
- Take That!: Henry Blake gives one to the Army for not supplying winter clothing to the unit.Henry: This is ridiculous. Why can't they send us something decent to wear?
- Tall Poppy Syndrome: The entire plot starts because Trapper can't stand the fact that Hawkeye has long johns while he doesn't. It then turns into the same with the entire camp, because as soon as someone else gets the long johns, someone else wants them.
- Troll: Hawkeye rubs it in to a desperate Trapper that he's warm while the other's freezing. He's gonna be feeling the cold soon.
- What the Hell, Hero?: Hawkeye verbally lashes out at Trapper for using the long johns as a bet at poker. And losing them afterwards.
- Margaret blasts Frank for letting her freeze while he was wearing the longjohns.Margaret: [shivering in shock] You've let me sit here and freeze to death with socks on my hands while you've been parading around in those?! You tell your fingers to start bleeding, Frank, and get out! After you give me that underwear!
- Margaret blasts Frank for letting her freeze while he was wearing the longjohns.
- You Have GOT to Be Kidding Me!: Hawkeye turns down Trapper's offer of twenty dollars for his long johns.Hawkeye: Ha ha! Are you kidding? I wouldn't take twelve of your toes for these. I'm warm. Warm, do you hear? Warm!
