"I'm making a quieter cat. And then I made the sales tape when I heard about the merchandising convention."
— Charlie
A merchandising convention comes to town, and Dennis, Mac and Frank compete to come up with bizarre products that might grow the bar's brand name. Meanwhile Charlie and Dee attempt to blackmail the Lawyer into assisting them with their legal needs.
This episode provides examples of the following tropes:
- Accent Upon The Wrong Syllable: In the Cold Open, Charlie's Kitten Mittens commercial is full of this.Charlie: That doesn't matter, 'cause one sIZE fits ALL!
- Artistic License – Law: The Lawyer gets the gang to sign over their merchandise while intoxicated due to not paying him, in real life he would have been subject to multiple lawsuits as this would be considered gross malpractice. Then again, the gang probably wouldn't have read the fine print anyway and it's not like their case would hold up anyway.
- Mac eating the contract would not have invalidated it as many contracts can be verbal and both he and Dee own a stake in Paddy's Pub.
- Big Eater: While attempting to spy on the Lawyer, Charlie gets distracted by a woman in the adjoining room eating an entire sleeve of Chips Ahoy.Dee: Is she a big lady?
Charlie: Of course, she's a humongous lady. - Black Comedy Rape: Dennis effectively offers to rape the Lawyer's wife while she sleeps, so she's cheating on the Lawyer. Because of his warped views on consent, Dennis refuses to recognize it as rape when the Lawyer calls it so.
- Blackmail: Dee and Charlie plan to blackmail the Lawyer into helping them by stalking him in the hopes that they catch him having an affair.
- Boob-Based Gag: A running gag throughout the episode has the gang hiring women with ever-larger breasts to help them sell their ideas. Dennis states that he wants to get "freakish" with it.
- Bound and Gagged: Dee and Charlie get past the Lawyer's secretary by locking her in a closet and later duct-taping her to a sink.
- Censor Box: Mac's "Dick Towel" idea doesn't have crudely drawn penises on them, but on different sides implies the length through the size of the black box blocking it.
- Chekhov's Gag: Early in the episode, Mac eats Dee's contract specifying that she owns the rights to Paddy's merchandise in exchange for getting paid less than minimum wage. When the Lawyer reveals that he's tricked the Gang into signing over their merchandising rights to him, Mac grabs and eats that contract. However, the Lawyer is prepared for their shenanigans.
- Continuity Nod:
- Charlie mentions the alley cats that gather outside his apartment building at night.
- The merchandising video that the gang show at the end of the episode is bookended by footage that they shot in "Frank Sets Sweet Dee on Fire", as they apparently just taped over the same casette.
- Delusions of Eloquence: Charlie attempting to speak legalese.Charlie: Then I'll just regress, 'cause I feel like I've made myself perfectly redundant.
Lawyer: Yes, you have. - Disastrous Demonstration: The Kitten Mittens commercial makes it extremely evident that, counter to Charlie's claims, they make your cat noisier, not quieter. Charlie makes a rather futile attempt to cover this up by playing Chirping Crickets over one and sounds of a racket over the other.
- Does This Remind You of Anything?: Mac vigorously pumps the liquor shotgun and then uses it to fire liquid into a kneeling Dennis's open mouth.
- Dude, She's Like in a Coma: Dennis offers to "help" the Lawyer by tossing his wife a "frame bang", i.e. forcing himself on her while she's asleep. The Lawyer is reasonably horrified by this.Lawyer: Promise not to break into my home and rape my wife while she's sleeping.
Dennis: Bro, rape?! I wasn't talking about raping your wife, I was talking about making love to her sweetly while she sleeps! And I was gonna do it for you, you son of a bitch! - Eat the Evidence: Mac does this with the contract stating that Dee is entitled to 100% of the bar's merchandising profit at the beginning of the episode. He later attempts to do the same with the restraining order that the Lawyer tricked them into signing, until the Lawyer reveals that he anticipated this and had hundreds of copies made.
- Failed a Spot Check: The Lawyer convinced everyone to sign a bunch of documents that give him 100% of the profits from any commercial ideas or merchandizing from the bar, in addition to being a restraining order they are in violation of at that moment. It's possible he hid it in all the documentation, but also likely the gang took it at face value and didn't read anything.
- Food Slap: Frank has his assistant throw tequila in Mac's face while he's trying to work out how to fire it from the gun.
- Gag Penis: Mac's "dicktowel" idea is basically just a towel with an enormous penis drawn on the front. He then flips it around to reveal a tiny version on the other side.
- Homoerotic Subtext: Dennis models his "Paddy's thong" and claims that he's wearing it to turn Mac on while Mac proudly shows off his dicktowel.
- I Made Copies: The Lawyer reveals that he made hundreds of copies of the contract signing all of the bar's merchandising profits over to him, which also doubles as a restraining order against the gang.
- Incredibly Obvious Tail: The Lawyer catches on to Dee and Charlie's attempts at stalking him fairly quickly—particularly since they're conducting their stakeout from his car.
- Manipulative Bastard: At the end of the episode, the Lawyer tricks the gang into signing a contract that awards him 100% of the bar's merchanidising profits, claiming that he had to get paid by them somehow.
- Mathematician's Answer: When the Lawyer finds Dee and Charlie waiting in his office:Lawyer: How did you get in here?!
Dee: The old-fashioned way, with doors and feet and walking. - The Merch: In-Universe. The Gang decides to try to get rich by merchandising Paddy's Pub. Dee signed a contract to accept less than minimum wage in exchange for the bar's merchandising rights. Mac and Dennis admit they only sold her the merchandising rights so they could pay her less than minimum wage. They renege on their agreement when Mac eats the contract.
- Mistaken for Cheating: Dee becomes convinced that the Lawyer is having an affair with his secretary due to the photo of his wife on his desk being turned away from him. Turns out he's actually just going through a messy divorce.
- No-Tell Motel: Dee and Charlie follow the Lawyer to one.
- Read the Fine Print: The Lawyer screws the gang over at the end by taking the profits for their merchandise. Some might consider it fair as they forced him into the negotiations.
- Reckless Gun Usage: Frank barges into Mac and Dennis's apartment at one point and shoves his gun in Mac's face in order to demonstrate his "gun shot" idea. He later makes "tequila bullets" which he fires inside the Lawyer's office.
- Running Gag: Charlie's lawyerly ambitions are brought up again.
- Sex for Services: Dee and Charlie get the idea to hire a prostitute for the Lawyer as payment for his services. The Lawyer is uninterested.
- Sex Sells: Dennis, Mac and Frank hire large-breasted women to help them sell their merchandising ideas.
- Stock Legal Phrases:Frank: Objection!
Lawyer: This is not a court of law.
Charlie: Sustained! Frank, move to strike. - Stylistic Suck: Both Charlie's "kitten mittens" commercial and the video that the gang later show at the merchandising convention.
- Teeny Weenie: Mac opines that the "yellow" version of his dick towel would have a small penis for the Asian customer.
- Too Incompetent to Operate a Blanket: Charlie's Kitten Mittens commercial shows Charlie being unable to tolerate the earsplitting racket of his cat walking around.
