Summary
We start today with a glimpse of a slushy machine. Oh we're setting a good tone today aren't we? As the primary weapon of McKinley is filled with it's debilitating cargo, we cut to a POV shot of the carrier heading down the halls, potential victims scurrying out the way as we see it land precariously close to Rachel before the true target is revealed: Finn. And thus we have another first, the first appearance of resident McKinley boogeyman and Armored Closet Gay Dave Karofsky (Max Adler), who will become a major player for the first two seasons. Anyway, seems this is payback for a bit of bullying Finn pulled on him in fifth grade, Finn being in New Directions and (allegedly) knocking up Quinn having lowered their social standings to the point where Karofsky and his fellow hockey teammates stand superior.Lounge. We see Will eating as Ken and Emma enter. Seems while the previous terms of their engagement stand, Ken insists on them being in the same place when the actual wedding takes place, hence Emma wanting Hawaii cause it's far away from everyone. The dilemma here is song choice for the first dance: Emma wants Broadway, specifically My Fair Lady, Ken wants Sisqo. Thus, they want a mashup and dance lessons. Oh the awkwardness, it is palpable. Will accepts as it's pretty clear Emma wants private lessons only.
In Glee Central, we see Quinn clean up Finn's face while complaining about their being at the base of the social totem pole. Seems that if Finn got nailed, the rest of ND are fair game. Will enters with today's lesson: Things are different so they might not go together, but it's those same differences that make them great. Will hands out the sheet music for his favorite song, "Bust a Move", and expects ND to find songs to mash up with it. Naturally, a performance of said song follows as all and sundry get down, minus Kurt who looks like he needs a hug. And a drink. Title Card ensues.
Emma's office. We see Fuinn wanting advice on how to be cool... yeah, wrong place to go kids. When questioned why they need to be cool, Quinn, clearly still under some of Sue's influence (and we know that will change post haste), lays down something the Tracksuited One herself would utter at that age.
Status is like currency. When your bank account is full, you can get away with doing just about anything. But right now, we're like toxic assets!
Spoken like a true minion, Fabray.
As Quinn talks, Will appears in the background, distracting Emma enough to lamely suggest sunglasses. Because Will totally wasn't wearing them and giving Emma the vapors, no no no. Finn, simple boy he is, agrees, saying covering up the eyes gives the wearer power... then saying he could be having a Male Gaze and no one would notice. Clearly Finn has his priorities in check. Emma does end with a point though; be yourself, and if they don't like it, it's on them.
Cut to Will's Spanish classroom where he is moving furniture to make space as Emma enters in full wedding regalia. Will is of course speechless. Turns out the dress is a cousin's hand me down with some bad luck attached (previous owner divorced her hubby in three months). Will thinks it's beautiful as Emma stands nervous, her obvious feelings for Will having never gone away. Will cues up "Thong Song" and naturally bumping and grinding ensues as Emma blushes accordingly, ending with Will tripping over the train and Emma landing on top of him, this close to making out before dubious predictable outcome happens. Also, naturally, Ken chooses that moment to observe these shenanigans and oh he is rather perturbed.
At practice, we see the Titans in a huddle, Finn's playing being undermined by Azimio Adams (James Earl), one half of a Those Two Guys combo with Karofsky during the first two seasons. Seems Finn's lack of popularity has spread to the team, them questioning his leadership and showing disbelief over Quinn, asking if a "real man" snuck in and did it for him? Well, Puck does have his moments of being an actual human, few and far between as they are. In any event, this hits Finn's Berserk Button and tackling ensues, Tanaka breaking it up. When Tanaka asks where Puck is, Finn says he skipped practice to work on something for Glee, thus hitting Ken's Berserk Button and causing him to take his anger out on the ND members by scheduling extra practices during Glee and thus forcing them to choose.
We cut to Rachel in her bedroom with some Aguilera as no less than the Puckerman mans the acoustic. This was the basis for what became known as Puckleberry; while not as popular a ship as Finchel, it still had its fans. Noah lays down the V/O as unexpected making out ensues: Apparently, while partaking of a traditional viewing of Schindler's List, Puck is lambasted by Mama Puckerman for not dating a Jewish girl. This led to the subconscious offering a suggestion in the form of a dream Rachel entering his bedroom barefoot, a tell that it's not reality. However, it put the seed into Puck's head (big for once) to go after her.
As we see another Big Quench heading towards its victim, we get a subversion as it's Puck offering one to Rachel for actually non-humiliating purposes, before cutting back to the making out. We then see that this is a case of lonely people coming together while pining for the ones they really want, as Rachel pictures Finn. She then babbles an excuse to end things as we cut to the choir room, no one coming up with a mashup. Enter the Puckerman, apparently taking Rachel's excuse about not wanting to be with someone who won't do solos to heart as he indulges in some Neil Diamond, apparently the most famous Jewish singer he could think of; Mark Salling's first solo and first time singing as a matter of fact. Rachel is amused whereas Finn, who has been observing the byplay, not so much. Also, somewhat strangely enough, Santana shows displeasure as well. I say somewhat, for there is some payoff to that down the line. Also, we see Quinn strangely enraptured as well. Not a real spoiler to say that will go somewhere as well.
In the hallway, we see Fuinn with sunglasses on, Quinn expressing pride at how they've suddenly gotten cool again. Of course, it is never that easy, as we see Azimio and some Titans ambush our couple, Big Quenchs at the ready. Sunglasses may protect the eyes, but the rest of the face, not so much. Fun fact: This was in fact the only time Dianna took a slushy. Anyway, Azimio lays down the relevant threats as we once again are taken to "Sue's Corner".
I hear people say, "That's not how I define marriage". Well, to them I say, "Love knows no bounds." Why can't people marry dogs? I'm certainly not advocating intimacy with your pets. I, for one, think intimacy is no place in marriage. Walked in on my parents once, and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling. So, WOOF! on Prop 15, Ohio.
This is actually not a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment, for there is relevance here. Turns out, head anchor (and local legend) Rod Remington has a thing for our Polyester Princess, offering a date with fondue. And Brittany just got the ideal for the name of a webshow. Sue, surprisingly, has gone all stammering and blushing, accepting the date. And evidently, she needs moves, as we cut to her and Will in the choir room, seems his services are all the rage. 40's style tandem moves occur, Go-Karting with Bowser in full swing here as Will states how happy he is that Sue appears to be easing back on the rage. Sue states she's got a thing for Rod Remington, as we see the two of them in a romantic game of Battleship. Ah, kids these days. Sue needs the lessons as apparently she and Rod are entered in a dance-a-thon for charity. Will also thanks her for not booting Quinn off the Cheerios!, and it seems Sue's turned a new leaf... yeah, we know how this ends.
Oh, and Sue spills about Tanaka making the ND footballers choose so naturally we cut to the locker room for the confrontation. Ken is fully aware Emma wants Will but loves her so much he doesn't care. Will tries to apologize but Ken will hear none of it. Cut to Puckleberry, Rachel pouring her knowledge of Broadway into Puck's ears while he tries very hard not to run. Rachel seems happy to have him on her arm, the problem is that being anywhere in her vicinity these days leads to a face full of corn syrup and sure enough, Karofsky arrives to give Noah karma for all the slushies he's thrown. Cut to the bathroom where he's being cleaned off. Puck is of course remorseful for all the slushies he gave Rachel, as he correctly states the purpose of slushy throwing is not just the cold, but the embarrassment and humiliation that goes with it. To protect himself, he intends to leave Glee.
Cut to Will waiting for Emma to try on dresses. This whole sequence is again tinged in awkwardness as it's very clear that they'd rather be dancing at their own wedding. Of course, they will. Afterwards, we cut to ND looking at the clock as the deadline for the decision approaches. We first get a fake out of no one showing up, then Mike and Matt arrive, followed by Noah. There is one missing of course, and no one is surprised. Cut to the Hudson in question, as the rest of the Titans greet him.
After the break, we get another Big Quench POV, but this time it's Finn, who as a show of loyalty to the Titans is told to slushy one of them. Kurt, ever proactive, slushies himself, then hits an Armor-Piercing Question: Would any of the Titans do that? Cut to Sue, out of the tracksuit for once and into a Zoot Suit, in all her Bifauxnen glory. She's ready for the dance-a-thon, but to the shock of only one person, namely her, she sees Rod and his co-anchor all over each other. It's bad enough to piss her off period. Break her heart? Oh, woe betide to Will Schuester.
Cut to football practice, where we see Puck on the bleachers, deep in thought. Rachel joins him, and reiterates that any thing between them won't work. Rachel wants Finn, and if it hasn't been made clear, Puck knocking Quinn up wasn't another notch on his bedpost, it was him having a night with the woman he loves. Again, we'll follow up on this at a later date. Puck wonders why he can't keep a girl, Rachel accurately states it's because he wants it too much, and she can relate. She admits to being with Noah because she wanted to make Finn jealous, then asks Puck if they can still be friends. Puck, hurt by this revelation, says they weren't friends before. Brutal, but you get where he's coming from.
On the field, Will catches up with Finn, who tells him he's not coming back. Will says this is a crossroads, moments to look back on and think "what if?". Finn disagrees, saying one moment shouldn't define your whole life. Will retorts by saying Finn's letting others make choices for him, and that he understands the pressure Finn's under, saying Finn reminds Will the most about himself. Finn contemplates as we go to break, returning to him in the locker room with Tanaka. Finn's emotional savvy kicks in, him saying he's the leader, and that leaders are supposed to see things that other guys don't. That you can be in Glee and be on the team. This seems to strike a chord in Ken, as he removes the conflicting practice.
We begin our home stretch with Sue on the warpath and in a black tracksuit meaning she's out for blood. She demands ND's setlist post haste or...
I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then, on some dark, cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face.
Sue then runs into Quinn and in a moment we all knew was coming, officially orders her to turn in her uniform. Cut to Will in Emma's office. He wants to talk about the wedding mashup, saying he can't get them to go together. Emma agrees, and it becomes clear they're not talking about songs. So we put that to bed for now as we cut to the choir room where Finn hands out the Big Quenches as ND celebrates Finn's return. Will states that though no one came up with an actual mashup, he felt the lesson hit. Quinn laments about her not being on the Cheerios!, only for Will to remind her she's definitely not alone.
And then, we get a moment that only happened once. Will gets a brain freeze, then says he can't imagine getting hit with a slushy. Um, Will? Can you pick out the one thing you shouldn't have said? Yep, ND has cups at the ready, and Will gets hit full blast. Cool way to go out for the week.
Next Time: A day in the life of Arthur Abrams.
Songs in the episode:
- "Bust a Move" performed by Will and New Directions
- "Thong Song" performed by Will Schuester
- "What a Girl Wants" performed by Rachel
- "Sweet Caroline" performed by Noah Puckerman
- "Sing, Sing, Sing (With a Swing)" (dance number) by Will and Sue
- "I Could Have Danced All Night" performed by Emma Pillsbury
Tropes in the episode
- Bifauxnen: Sue in her zoot suit.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Sue to Will, if the set list is one minute late.
- Dramatic Irony: Azimio comes very close to the truth when he says to Finn "Are you sure a real man didn't sneak in and (get Quinn pregnant) for you?
- Enter Stage Window: Rachel climbs in Puck's window, tipping him off that It Was All A Dream.
- Fairy Tale Wedding Dress: Emma gets to wear two. The first one is based on Princess Diana's and has a very long train. The other is her actual wedding dress, also making her a Virgin in a White Dress. By the way, she's stunning.
- Funny Background Event: Everything Kurt does when Mr. Schue is performing "Bust a move" during glee rehearsals.
- Informed Judaism: The Puckermans. With an annual dinner of moo shu pork and viewing of Schindler's List.
- Mating Dance: Emma and Will's practice sessions. At the end of the "Thong Song," they trip and he falls on top of her.
- Not What It Looks Like: Unfortunately, Ken sees Will and Emma together.
- Token Minority Couple: Invoked with Puck and Rachel.
