I don't believe it!
A trip to the mainland to get some new spectacles for Father Jack, who keeps losing them due to constant crow attacks, takes a turn for the worst when Jack ends up in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, a disagreement between Mrs. Doyle and a friend of hers over who'll pay the bill in a cafe results in their arrest, and Ted and Dougal keep falling afoul of Richard Wilson, who takes violent exception to the use of his eponymous catchphrase. And just when it couldn't get any worse, they run into Noel Furlong.
Tropes featured in this episode:
- Adam Westing: Father Ted, meet Richard Wilson. And get ready for a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown.
- Ambulance Cut: What happens when the AA member makes the grave mistake of getting between Father Jack and his drink.
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: "She was on her way to the shop the other day, and a man came over to her, and killed her, and stole her pen!"
- Artistic License: The optician's boards are unrealistic. They should start with just one letter, after which the number of letters should increase as the said letters get smaller. Although in the case of these particular boards, the optician does admit that they were promotional freebies.
- Artistic License – Geography: There are no flights between Ireland and Paraguay; at the time, there were no direct flights to that country from anywhere in Europe. Today, there is one — Air Europa, which flies out from Madrid in Spain.
- Artistic License – Law: At the start of the episode, Mrs Doyle makes reference to a robbery involving one of her friends. Ted asks her if the robbers took much, showing that he knows the correct definition of a robbery, but then it becomes apparent that she thinks "robbery" and "kidnapping" are the same thing ("she was robbed, they stole her"), when in fact they are not.
- Artistic License – Physics: The result of rocks falling on Father Noel would not be a hand sticking out and more annoying stuff but rather a dead man.
- As Long as It Sounds Foreign: "FECKARSE" does not sound Slovakian.
- Berserk Button: Two of them:
- Richard Wilson despises anyone coming up to him and using his catchphrase "I don't believe it!" and tends to react violently. Truth in Television, albeit exaggerated.
- Also Jack's reaction to the AA member trying to separate him from the alcoholic drink he was trying to take.
- Big "SHUT UP!": Tony Lynch finally has enough of Father Noel's going on.Tony Lynch: WILL YOU SHUT UP?! WILL YOU?! WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?! WILL YOU SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!
- Blind Without 'Em: Father Jack.
- Captain Oblivious: A hungry Dougal tries to order food from a Garda, first a lasagne, then a chicken curry, then a bag of chips with Fanta Orange. When the officer tries to explain that Dougal was in 'a police station', Dougal responds "in that case, just the chicken satay and pilau rice."
- Comically Missing the Point:
- Dougal asking if Richard Wilson enjoyed hearing Ted say Victor Meldrew's catchphrase even after he's seen (and taken photos) of Wilson beating the crap out of Ted for it.
- Later, Dougal continuing to attempt to order food from the Garda despite being told he’s in a Garda station.
- Jack and the AA meeting, whose members mistake his plaintive cries for "Drink!" as a cry against alcohol.
- Description Cut: After Father Noel Furlong has gotten himself buried by a cave collapse.Furlong: [The youths] were going to find the tour operator, tell him I'm buried under a pile of rocks, and be right back.[cut to airline check-in desk]Check-in Lady: And that's four tickets to Paraguay.[cue wide-shot of the aforementioned youths at the check-in desk]
- Didn't Think This Through: Ted and Dougal thought Richard Wilson would laugh at Victor Meldrew's catchphrase when they first saw him, but he didn't.
- Dirty Cop: Hilariously lampshaded by Ted.Ted: There was a time when the police in this country were friends of the Church! Parking tickets torn up, drunk driving charges quashed, even a blind eye turned to the odd murder! But now?!
- Disproportionate Retribution: Richard Wilson attacks Ted twice for uttering his Victor Meldrew catchphrase in his presence, even threatening to kill the priest the first time.
- Also Jack hospitalising an AA member for interrupting his drinking.
- The Dreaded: Father Noel Furlong, on account of how horrifically annoying he is. He initially appears in the caves dressed as a ghost, which frightens Ted and Dougal into screaming. When he takes off the sheet and reveals who he really is, they scream even louder.
- Enemies List: After Tony shouts at Fr. Noel, the latter apparently gets annoyed and tells Tony he's 'putting [him] on [his] enemies list'. He even says "You're for it" as he's writing. Subverted, as we learn he actually wrote "I REALLY LIKE TONY!"
- Entertainingly Wrong: No, AA people, Jack saying “Drink” does not mean he’s crying for help.
- Five-Second Foreshadowing: When the AA member tries to stop Jack from drinking, he begins to say "I know it hurts, but believe me, you're going to thank me for it." The scene Ambulance Cuts away just before he can finish, which is meant to represent Jack knocking him out for getting in the way of his drinking.
- Forgets to Eat: Dougal forgot to eat his breakfast.
- From Bad to Worse: For Ted and Dougal, getting trapped in the Really Dark Caves gets even worse when they discover they're trapped with Father Noel Furlong.
- Never Heard That One Before: By the time the episode was recorded, Richard Wilson had heard people quoting "I don't believe it!" from One Foot in the Grave in front of him so often that he got fed up of it. This was incorporated in the story (with Ted doing it) after Graham Linehan and Arthur Mathews discussed how 'tasteless and wrong' someone leaning forward to him in an audience and saying the phrase would be - while sitting behind him in the audience at a Cirque du Soleil performance.
- Not Where They Thought: Jack wrongly assumes (at least at first) that the AA meeting place is a bar, largely due to not reading the sign in full.
- Oh, Crap!: This is Ted and Dougal’s reaction to finding Noel in the cave, with Ted’s voice suddenly jumping several octaves.
- Once More, with Clarity: Jack, without his glasses, squints at a sign but can only make out one word: "DRINK?" Excited, he goes inside, only for the camera to focus so the full message is visible: "HAD ENOUGH OF DRINK? Join Alcoholics Anonymous today."
- Poor Communication Kills: When Jack shouts "DRINK!", he actually always wants a drink. The AA members thought he was pleading for help, which ends up biting one of them in the arse.
- Precision F-Strike: "Fecking birds again".
- Running Gag: Ted constantly saying "I don't believe it", only to then fall foul of a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown from Richard Wilson.
- Dougal is constantly distracted by how hungry he is throughout the episode.
- Screams Like a Little Girl: Ted when he sees Father Noel Furlong.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Father Noel's youth group promptly ditch him and flee to Paraguay.
- Serious Business: Dougal has this reaction when he realizes he missed breakfast.
- A Simple Plan: A trip to the mainland from an Irish island would normally never involve getting lost in a cave, bailing someone out of jail or running afoul of a television star who had gotten tried of being reminded of their famous lines.
- Sound-Effect Bleep: When Mrs. Doyle's name is spoken, the first name is drowned out, first by the fire alarm and then by plates breaking.
- Stopped Reading Too Soon: More like 'Not Reading It Through at All'. The reason Jack ended up in the AA meeting was because he didn't read the whole of the poster identifing the place as the site of the meeting, only reading the word 'Drink?'.
- They Wasted a Perfectly Good Sandwich: Invoked by Ted when his commitment to getting Mrs. Doyle out of lockup clashes with getting Dougal something to eat; he tells the younger priest that he won’t have time to eat the meal, and Dougal tries to dig into the meal only to be dragged away by Ted.
- Thieving Magpie: A variant. Crows (which are relatives of magpies) are twice depicted attacking Jack and stealing his glasses.
- Too Dumb to Live: The AA member who tried to stop Father Jack drinking. Admittedly, he wasn't to know Father Jack had long since fallen off the wagon.
- Truth in Television: Richard Wilson really does hate "that bloody catchphrase".
- The Unreveal:Garda: Do you happen to know a Mrs. Doyle? First name Mrs. [fire alarm goes off] Doyle.Ted: Hmm, do I know a Mrs. [plates smash] Doyle?
- Where Do You Think You Are?: "You're in a police station."
- With Friends Like These...: When he finds out he'll need the full cost of his winnings to get them out, Ted tries to keep Jack and Mrs. Doyle in lockup by claiming he cannot afford to bail them out, only to be stopped by Dougal.
