Of all the scientific minds in history, they put Beaker in a bowtie up against ME!?
—Sir Isaac Newton
This battle sees the father of physics, Sir Isaac Newton (played by "Weird Al" Yankovic) square off against beloved TV scientists Bill Nye (Peter Shukoff) and Neil deGrasse Tyson (Chali 2na).
LYRICS
Announcer: Epic Rap Battles of History! Bill Nye! Versus! Issac Newton! BEGIN!
Issac Newton: Of all the scientific minds in history
They put Beaker in a bowtie up against me?
I'm a master! I discovered gravity!
I drop rhymes like they're falling from an apple tree!
You're no match for me, you've got a bach degree!
I've got a unit of force named after me!
You wanna battle, guy? That's a crazy notion!
When I start flowin', I stay in motion!
First law! Did you catch that?
Or was it going too fast to detect?
Perhaps it would be better if I added in a "bleep"
Or a "bloop" or another wacky sound effect!
I was born on Christmas, I'm God's gift!
I unlocked the stars that you're dancing with!
You waste time debating creationists
While I create the science you explain to kids!
Bill Nye: Yes, it's true, what I used to do
Was teach kids science on my PBS Show
But now I do what I've gotta do
To make sure scientific thought can grow
And I'm still in my prime, hitting my stride!
What'd you do with the back half of your life?
You freaked out, started counting coins for the bank
And you sure didn't have no wife! Ooh!
You wrote the book on gravity
But you couldn't attract no body!
Your work on orbits was exemplary
But your circle of friends was shoddy! Oh!
You don't wanna mess with the guy Bill Nye (why?)
I rap sharp like a needle in your eye!
Stick to drinkin' that mercury
Cause I hypothesize that you're about to get beat!
Issac Newton: Well, I conclude that your methods are the wackest!
You wouldn't even pass in one of my classes!
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction
Except for when we both start rappin'!
I accelerated the mind of mankind
To a higher plane of understanding, and
I can calculate the weight and the size and the shape
Of the shadow of the mind you're standing in!
And I'll leave you with a page from a book I wrote at half your age to rebut
The integral sec y dy from zero to one-sixth of pi is log to base E
Of the square root of three times the sixty-fourth power of what??
Neil DeGrasse Tyson: Why don't you pick on a brain your own size?
We've got a badass over here, plus I've got your back, Nye
Astrophysics black guy, Hayden Planetary fly
By the way the answer to your little calculation is "i"
As in I put the swag back in science
While Issac Newton was lying and sticking daggers in Leibniz
And hiding up inside his attic on some Harry Potter business
The universe is infinite, but this battle is finished!
Announcer: Who won? Who's next? Y-Y-Y-You decide!
Epic Rap Battleeeeee... Epic Rap [gurgles]... Epic Rap Battles of History!
Issac Newton: Of all the scientific minds in history
They put Beaker in a bowtie up against me?
I'm a master! I discovered gravity!
I drop rhymes like they're falling from an apple tree!
You're no match for me, you've got a bach degree!
I've got a unit of force named after me!
You wanna battle, guy? That's a crazy notion!
When I start flowin', I stay in motion!
First law! Did you catch that?
Or was it going too fast to detect?
Perhaps it would be better if I added in a "bleep"
Or a "bloop" or another wacky sound effect!
I was born on Christmas, I'm God's gift!
I unlocked the stars that you're dancing with!
You waste time debating creationists
While I create the science you explain to kids!
Bill Nye: Yes, it's true, what I used to do
Was teach kids science on my PBS Show
But now I do what I've gotta do
To make sure scientific thought can grow
And I'm still in my prime, hitting my stride!
What'd you do with the back half of your life?
You freaked out, started counting coins for the bank
And you sure didn't have no wife! Ooh!
You wrote the book on gravity
But you couldn't attract no body!
Your work on orbits was exemplary
But your circle of friends was shoddy! Oh!
You don't wanna mess with the guy Bill Nye (why?)
I rap sharp like a needle in your eye!
Stick to drinkin' that mercury
Cause I hypothesize that you're about to get beat!
Issac Newton: Well, I conclude that your methods are the wackest!
You wouldn't even pass in one of my classes!
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction
Except for when we both start rappin'!
I accelerated the mind of mankind
To a higher plane of understanding, and
I can calculate the weight and the size and the shape
Of the shadow of the mind you're standing in!
And I'll leave you with a page from a book I wrote at half your age to rebut
The integral sec y dy from zero to one-sixth of pi is log to base E
Of the square root of three times the sixty-fourth power of what??
Neil DeGrasse Tyson: Why don't you pick on a brain your own size?
We've got a badass over here, plus I've got your back, Nye
Astrophysics black guy, Hayden Planetary fly
By the way the answer to your little calculation is "i"
As in I put the swag back in science
While Issac Newton was lying and sticking daggers in Leibniz
And hiding up inside his attic on some Harry Potter business
The universe is infinite, but this battle is finished!
Announcer: Who won? Who's next? Y-Y-Y-You decide!
Epic Rap Battleeeeee... Epic Rap [gurgles]... Epic Rap Battles of History!
TROPES
- The Ace: Not even Nye can resist slipping in references to Isaac Newton’s many achievements.
- Actor Allusion: He claims he can calculate the weight of his mind’s shadow, which is a likely reference to Weird Al’s “Fat” (“My shadow weighs 42 pounds!”) He also ends his second verse with a Motor Mouth delivery similar to the famous rap bridge in “Hardware Store.”
- Ascended Meme: Tyson gets in an obligatory ”We got a badass over here!"
- Badass Boast: Newton delivers two, to Nye. One in each verse:Sir Isaac Newton: (verse one) "You're no match for me, you got a Bach degree. I've got a unit of force named after me!"
- The second is a pointed one, which clearly intimidates Nye:
Sir Isaac Newton: (verse two) "I accelerated the mind of mankind to a higher plain of understanding and, I can calculate the weight, or the size and the shape of the shadow of the mind YOU'RE STANDING IN!!" - Big Damn Heroes: Tyson intervenes when Nye seems a bit too intimidated by Newton's Motor Mouth.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Bill Nye uses Newton's achievements to take shots at his personal life. Then again, see Nice Guy.
- Black and Nerdy: Tyson is the self-proclaimed Astrophysics Black Guy.
- Blasphemous Boast: Newton mentions that he's "God's Gift" while talking about how he was born on Christmas day.
- Broken Ace: Nye points out that while Newton was an accomplished scientist, he never married, had only a few friends, and overall a lousy personal life.
- Butt-Monkey: It's no secret Nye’s a bit outclassed, even though he had some good lines. Even his own teammate is somewhat condescending towards him.Tyson: Why don't you pick on a brain your own size?
- The Cameo: Carl Sagan briefly appears in the background during Nye’s verse.
- Celibate Eccentric Genius: Newton famously shunned interpersonal relationships for his work, although Bill Nye claims he was just unlucky.You wrote the book on gravity, but you couldn't attract no body!
- Eye Scream: Newton once pushed a needle around his eyeball to prod at its back side as part of an experiment to research how color is perceived, which Nye indirectly references.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: As Bill Nye references, Newton may have died of mercury poisoning he brought upon himself.
- Hypocrite: Newton criticizes Bill Nye for "[wasting] time debating creationists", despite the fact that he himself was a fairly outspoken one.
- Irony: Tyson’s
famous "we've got a badass over here" statement originates from a video where Tyson talks about Isaac Newton's involvement with calculus; here, he's rapping against that same guy. - Jaded Washout: Nye accuses Newton of being one. While Nye's "hitting his stride" he asks what Newton did with the back half of his life.
- Joke Character: Nye tries to diss Newton, but he's pretty clearly completely out of his depth and doesn't stand any sort of chance on his own requiring a teammate to bail him out.
- Loners Are Freaks: Nye's verses rip on how Newton never married and had few friends.
- Nerds Are Virgins: As Nye snarks, “You wrote the book on gravity, but you couldn't attract no body!"
- Nice Guy: Nye spends half of his verse praising his opponent. Then again see Bitch in Sheep's Clothing.
- Motor Mouth: Newton’s last line is impressively fast.Newton: The integral sec y dy from zero to one-sixth of pi is log to base e of the square-root of three times the sixty-fourth power of what?
- Old Shame: Newton thinks Nye's a joke because he was on a silly children's show and Nye insists that he's doing other stuff now.
- The Power of Friendship: Seems to be a running theme with Nye and Tyson. Tyson jumps in to help Nye out and both target Newton's lack of friends and his mistreatment of the few he had. Plus, Carl Sagan, Tyson's mentor, cameos during Nye's segments.
- Soul Brotha: Tyson is the “astrophysics black guy” who "put the swag back in science."
- Special Guest: Not only do we have the one and only "Weird Al" Yankovic as Sir Isaac Newton, but we’ve also got Chali 2na (of the rap group Jurassic 5) as Neil DeGrasse Tyson.note
- Wacky Sound Effect: Newton mocks Nye’s show for its gratuitous use of cartoonish sound effects.
- Wham Line: Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s unexpected presence is heralded with “Why don’t you pick on a brain your own size?”
