Recap / Birds of a Feather S5E4: Absent Friends

Garth: Yeah, go on, start the day with a laugh. Shout across to Dor, tell her you got some soldiers for her, then you can stand back an' watch 'er vault the 'edge.

— Garth Stubbs telling Tracey to give his toast soldiers to Dorien.

• Date First Aired: 26/09/1993

There has been a spate of burglaries, and Tracey and Sharon find themselves as part of the agenda of a Neighbourhood Watch meeting at Dorien's house. But is there a connection between said crimes and the anonymous letters and calls which have been directed at Tracey?

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Tropes In This Episode:

• Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking: Dorien exclaims, "I have never mixed with criminals. All my friends are clean, decent and upright...and gorgeous".
• Ass Shove: Darryl calls Garth on the phone, but Garth thinks he's a pervert and tells him to "stick it". When Darryl tries calling again, one of Sharon's solutions is also to tell him "where to stick it".
• The Confidant: Garth uses Sharon to talk about thinks he doesn't feel comfortable with Tracey knowing.
  Sharon: You know your Aunty Shal, always happy to talk dirty.
• Continuity Nod: Amongst the threatening letters Tracey gets, she also gets newpaper clippings of Darryl's court case.
• Deadpan Snarker: Sharon drops this comment after meeting Reg, who Dorien has gotten to set up her security systems.
  Dorien: I was desperate for security. After all, I'm a woman alone. I am vulnerable to the sudden intrusion.
  Sharon: Oh, I see. So he's wired up your knickers an' all, then?
• The Ghost: Mrs. Lloyd, a woman who works at Garth's university that he has the hots for.
• Gossipy Hens: Dorien claims the other neighbours have started accusing Tracey and Sharon for the burglaries.
  Dorien: I mean, I know an ugly rumour when I hear one. God knows I've started hundreds.
• Irony: While all the neighbours were at a Neighbourhood Watch meeting dicussing how to stop the robberies, two more houses were burgled.
• Karma Houdini: Reg never gets any punishment for burgling half the neighbourhood.
• Mistaken for Cheating: When Tracey doesn't pick up the phone, Chris makes Darryl think she's having an affair.
  Chris: It's alright, Dal. I understand. But you mustn't think like that.
  Darryl: I wasn't thinkin' like that! Whatta ya gotta say these things for, eh?!
• Mistaken for Thief: Tracey and Sharon are accused of robbery. In truth, it turns out to be Harris, one of Darryl's old mates.
• Mistaken Identity: Darryl keeps getting mistaken for a weirdo over the phone.
• Mysterious Note: Tracey keeps receiving accusing notes blaming her for the robberies.
  Tracey: "Funny 'ow you ain't been robbed an' all. We reckon it's you what knows a fing or two". 'Ere, it's written in Cockney.
  Garth: Someone tryna disguise their Chigwell accent.
• Noodle Incident: All we find out about Sharon's night is that drank far too much Tequila the night before and tried to bottle Tracey.
• No Sympathy:
  • Sharon is glad that some of her neighbours were robbed.
    Sharon: Oh, it coul'n't 'appened to a nicer pair. I hope they got cleared out. Door 'andles, light fittin's, the lot. I 'ope they even nicked their bog roll 'older.
  • Gordon isn't fazed when he thinks he hears intruders in Dorien's house.
    Gwen: My God. Intruders! Gordon, intruders!
    Gordon: No, it's alright, dear. It's not our place.
• Not What It Looks Like: Tracey and Sharon try to sneak over to Dorien's house to eavesdrop on the Neighbourhood Watch meeting. However, they are caught in the act by the Watch, who misinterpret the events as them trying to steal from the house.
  Dorien: No, it couldn't be!
  Gwen: Yes, it could be.
  Gordon: It is, they're running away! Look! The fat one's caught up in the roses!
• One-Shot Character: Reggie Harris, Gordon Blair and Gwen Blair.
• Police Are Useless: The police brush off Tracey's call to them about the letters, and accuse her of watching too much EastEnders and The Bill.
  Sharon: Sounds like they've played their usual role of uniformed waste of space.
• The Reveal: Dorien's new man Reg and Darryl's old mate Harris are the same person - Reggie Harris.
• Rich Bitch: Gwen Blair, a neighbour who keeps accusing Tracey and Sharon of the robberies. She's so stuck-up that she makes Dorien look down-to-earth.
• Rich Language, Poor Language: Dorien finally gets the chance to correct someone on messing up common slang when Gwen mixes up "narc" and "case".
  Gwen: That's what they do, they call it "narcing the joint".
  Dorien: Casing the joint, you stupid woman!
• Shout-Out:
  • Tracey isn't the only one getting threatening letters as she claims that Alan Sugar lives just around the corner and gets threats from Spurs supporters.
    Tracey: Yeah, well we've been threatened an' all, and we're done nothin' to Terry Venables.
  • The police accuse Tracey of having watched too much EastEnders and The Bill, so she accuses them of having never watched Crimewatch UK.
  • When Tracey visits Darryl in prison, Darryl tells her he knows all about "the young stag and the old bull" because he's seen David Attenborough.
    Tracey: Don't tell me he's in here an' all!
• Take That!:
  • Sharon complains that the only blokes that turn up at Dalentrace are Jehovah's Witnesses.
  • Dorien has this to say during her Neighbourhood Watch meeting:
    Dorien: Now, please, please could we curb this excess of emotion. This is Chigwell, not Brixton!
  • Sharon claims she won't be able to enjoy the film because she doesn't like Michael Douglas' recent work.
• Teacher/Student Romance: Garth has the hots for Mrs. Lloyd from his university.
• With Friends Like These...:
  • Dorien hosts a Neighbourhood Watch meeting and lets all the other neighbours slag off Tracey and Sharon.
    Gwen: After all, they are friends of yours.
    Dorien: Ah, now then, could we just clarify the situation: Next-door neighbours? Yes. Friends? Hardly.
  • She also tries to ignore police lights coming from their house so she can have it off with Reg.
    Reg: They're supposed to be friends of yours.
    Dorien: Huh. With friends like those, who needs a cold shower?
• You Need a Breath Mint: Sharon complains that the only men who come to their door are Jehovah's Witnesses with halitosis.
• You Watch Too Much X: The police accuse Tracey of this twice over the phone before she flips it back on them.
  Tracey: Whadja mean I've been "watchin' too much EastEnders"? You're the police, you're sposed to protect us! Whaddaya mean I've been "watchin' too much o' The Bill"? It's not me that's been watchin' too much television, it's you that's not watched enough! Ever seen Crimewatch?!

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