Sharon: I'm the new team coach.
Dorien: Oh, well, at least they'll have plenty of room when they travel.
— Dorien Green making a joke about Sharon Theodopolopodous' size.
- Date First Aired: 28/11/1993
The episode begins with the girls playing Monopoly, although it's not too long before it goes pear-shaped and Sharon quits the game. At the prison, Chris has received a letter from his cousin, Helena. Her son Nicky has started playing football, and Chris suggests that she go see him play. In fact, this could have a financial advantage - Helena's father has just retired, and he might give Sharon some money if she's friendly with Nicky, something which Sharon agrees to.
Later on, Dorien reveals that world-famous psychic Madame Yenta is coming to Chigwell. She can see into the future, present, and past, and Dorien wants to see her future. Meanwhile, Sharon watches Nicky's football game. Tracey complains about their showing to the manager and ends up becoming their manager. However, she's not too bad at the role and Helena asks her to take over, with Sharon as coach. Unfortunately, Tracey proves to be too strict at her role, alienating her from her sister. Making matters worse is when Tracey drops Nicky from the team
The girls try to go to the psychic, but Sharon gets them kicked out before Dorien can learn more about herself. Thankfully, Tracey suggests that she take a personal session with the psychic. Meanwhile, at the prison, Darryl tells Tracey that maybe competition can be bad at times and encourages Tracey to return Nicky to the team. During the match, Dorien reveals that she's been to see Madame Yenta, and she's told Dorien that she's going to see someone new, swept off her feet by a stranger in black. This stranger in black turns out to be Trevor the linesman, who she collides with in an attempt to stop a pitch invasion from Sharon. Thus, Tracey is fired and she returns to normal.
Tropes in this episode:
- Added Alliterative Appeal: Sharon claims that Chris has called the "Sexy, Slutty, Secret Spank Line".
- Alliterative Name: Chris mentions Terry the Tripod.
- Bait-and-Switch: When Yenta gets a message from someone named "Charlie", it's suggested that he's a woman's dead husband. It's actually her dead canary.
- Baseball Episode: Tracey spends the episode coaching a kids' football team, with Sharon as (temporary) coach.
- Big Fun: According to Dorien, by tradition, fat people are supposed to be jolly. Note that this is in response to the more downer in mood at the moment Sharon.
- Blatant Lies: A clearly healthy Dorien tells Tracey the only reason she was late is because she's "sick as a pigeon".
- Bookends: The episode begins and ends with the girls playing Monopoly.
- Call-Back: Dorien's interest in the supernatural was first brought up in "Someone Else's Baby"
- Celebrity Resemblance: Dorien claims that Sharon looks a lot like Mandy Smith. Sharon retorts that Dorien looks like Bill Wyman when she is undressed.
- Child Hater: Dorien remarks life was easier when children were sent up chimneys.
- Comically Missing the Point: Dorien during a game of Monopoly:Dorien: Oh my God, I've landed on the Old Kent Road. I can't possibly stay there.Tracey: Why not?Dorien: Well, it's full of poor people.
- Competition Freak: Sharon and Dorien, much to Tracey's annoyance:Tracey: 'Ave you two ever heard of playin' a game for the fun of it?Dorien/Sharon: (Beat) No...
- Continuity Nod: It's mentioned that Helena was at the funeral of Chris' mum.
- Deadpan Snarker: Sharon as usual:Dorien: I cannot believe I'm reduced to playing a board game for fun. I must be getting old.Sharon: You are old.
- Exact Words: Madame Yenta tells Dorien that she'll be swept off her feet by a man dressed in black. This eventually comes true at the football game... because Trevor the linesman ran into her and knocked her to the ground.
- Fed to the Beast: Dorien fears that her character in Monopoly will be fed to the rottweilers by the poor people. Sharon comments that it will be fine as they won't eat kosher.
- Freudian Excuse: Darryl's need to always win comes from him trying to not turn out as a loser like Les, his dad.
- Game Night Fight: Both sessions of Monopoly lead to fighting and rage-quitting amongst both Dorien and Sharon.
- The Ghost: Helena, Nicky's mum and Chris' cousin.
- Ghostly Animals: Yenta channels the spirit of Charlie, a dead canary, for a woman in the audience. Sharon jokes his message is "Who's a pretty boy then? Who's a pretty boy then?".
- Got Volunteered: Tracey forces Sharon to help her as the assistant manager, trainer and team coach of Nicky's football team. After Sharon quits, Dorien gets forced into the role too.
- In-Series Nickname: Nicky is called "The Terminator" amongst his fellow team players.
- Intimate Telecommunications: Turns out that Chris has been using his phonecards to ring phonelines of a sexual nature. Too bad that he accidentally calls up Sharon's phone number by mistake...
- Let's See YOU Do Better!: Tracey is inspired at Nicky's football game to complain to the football manager about their poor showing. His response? To ask her to take over instead and resign on the spot.
- Loser Son of Loser Dad: Darryl tells Tracey he always pushed himself so he wouldn't turn out like his dad, Les.
- New Job Episode: Tracey spends the episode as the coach for the children's football team, although she's fired by the episode's end.
- Noodle Incident:
- The girls played Rummy a week prior to the events of the episode, where Tracey deliberately lost to get out of the game.
- Helena caught her whiskers under Chris' mother's casket.
- Obnoxious In-Laws: Sharon does not have a high view of Chris' family, even snarking that she's allergic to them.Chris: I dunno what you've got against my family!Sharon: You're one of 'em for star'ers!
- One-Shot Character: Mr. Patel, Nicky, Madame Yenta and Trevor the linesman.
- One-Steve Limit: Trevor the linesman shares his name with a One-Shot Character from "The Chigwell Connection".
- Only in It for the Money: Sharon is initially uninterested in seeing Nicky, until she finds that it could lead to his grandfather giving her money, which leads to her changing her tune quickly.
- Overcrank: Dorien getting knocked over by Trevor the linesman is all shot in slow-motion.
- Psychic Powers: Madame Yenta is capable of looking into the past, present, and future. She is also shown to be capable of channeling dead spirits through her.
- Really Gets Around: When Dorien complains about a lack of men on the market, Sharon remarks that perhaps it's because she's worn everyone else out with her desires for sex. She also gives this comment during a game of Monopoly:Sharon: Which means you're on... Dorien's Boobs! (Beat) Otherwise known as the Community Chest.
- Seers: Madame Yenta is described as being able to see into the past, present, and future of a person.
- Series Continuity Error: Sharon doesn't believe in Madame Yenta's visions, despite "Someone Else's Baby" revealing she's always believed in Auntie Sylvie's predictions.
- Sexless Marriage: It turns out that this applies to Chris and Sharon's marriage both in real life and in his dreams.Chris: 'Ere, Shal. I dreamt about you last night.Sharon: Didja?Chris: No, you wouldn't let me.
- Shout-Out:
- Tracey fondly recalls her times watching West Ham with Darryl.
- When Dorien states she's always been intrigued by the supernatural, Tracey jokes it started when her head started swiveling around.
- Sharon warns a smug Tracey not to expect a call from Alan Sugar anytime soon.
- Tracey misunderstands Madame Yenta and thinks she's talking about Prince Harry.
- Tracey nicknames Nicky "The Terminator".
- Darryl remarks Tracey's got more killer instinct than Hannibal Lecter.
- Speak in Unison:
- Both Sharon and Dorien reply "No" at the same time to Tracey's question of if they have ever heard of playing a board game for fun.
- Tracey and Sharon both say "Nope" when Dorien asks if they care about her news and if they really call themselves her friends.
- Stating the Simple Solution: When Dorien moans that Madame Yenta's tour has been cancelled, Tracey tells her to set up a personal session with her.
- Take That!:
- Dorien makes a venomous comment about Sharon having to buy bras from High and Mighty.
- Sharon thinks Demis Roussos is gay.
- Sharon insults Dorien by saying she's got the charm of Paul Gascoigne, the personality of Graham Taylor and legs like Chrissy Waddle.
- Mr. Patel calls an interfering Tracey "Mrs. Jimmy Bloody Hill".
- Dorien and Sharon insultingly compare the other to Mandy Smith and an undressed Bill Wyman.
- Dorien hates what she calls a "Michael Bolton haircut".
- Sharon calls out Tracey for "turning Nicky into a clone of Vinnie Jones".
- Tracey uses Arthur Mullard's name to mean losing.
- When Dorien tries to prove how honest she is, Sharon points out that she did marry an accountant.
- Take This Job and Shove It: Sharon quits helping Tracey with the football team after she begins taking it too far.Sharon: I resign, so up ya bum!
- Unusual Euphemism: Tracey uses "Mullard" to mean losing.
- V-Sign: Sharon uses one when she resigns.
- With Friends Like These...: Neither Tracey nor Sharon care about Dorien's important news.Dorien: Well, thanks very much. Call yourselves friends?Tracey/Sharon: Nope.
