- Date First Aired: 13/12/1990
Dorien has shown up with what she claims to be a Russian Samovar with the intention of selling it to Antiques Roadshow, which is coming to Chigwell tomorrow. She and Sharon promptly root about in the attic in search of something to sell. There, they find a mysterious box filled with letters, with one of them suggesting that one of them might have been adopted. Sharon fears that it's her who is adopted, but Dorien suggests otherwise and tells her to go to Aunt Sylvie.
Unfortunately, Sylvie is a Scatterbrained Senior and can't even remember their names, leading to a breakdown from Tracey. With this in mind, the sisters decide to let things cool down, head to Antiques Roadshow, and never speak of this again. During it, however, Dorien learns that her alleged treasure is actually a worthless copy, which Sylvie had correctly predicted would be the case, which gives Sharon the motivation to ask Sylvie what really happened. Sylvie drops the facade and promptly reveals the truth.
Both Sharon and Tracey are adopted - apparently, their parents couldn't have children, so they took them from an orphanage.
Both are sent reeling from the revelation and Sharon considers searching for their real parents, but, as Tracey points out, they were abandoned by them. Doesn't stop Sharon from wondering whether she's the child of Margaret Thatcher though.
Tropes in this episode:
- Accidental Misnaming: Auntie Sylvie keeps calling Tracey and Sharon by each other's names... until they confront her over the adoption issue, at which point she starts addressing them by their real names.
- Added Alliterative Appeal: Sharon talking about her father.Sharon: 'E was about as romantic as a wet Wednesday in Walthamstow.
- Ask a Stupid Question...: Dorien on the topic of landmines:Tracey: Got sent to Vietnam, mum said. Trod on a lan'mine.Dorien: Ooh, how awful. Was he badly hurt?Tracey: It was a soddin' lan'mine, Dorien! Blew 'im 'alfway back to America!
- At Least I Admit It: When Tracey calls Sharon a mess, she replies that at least she knows that she's a mess and that she's happy about it, unlike Tracey.
- Brick Joke: Sharon mentions one of the attic step being wonky when she and Dorien enter the attic. When Dorien leaves, she forgets about the step and promptly undergoes a Staircase Tumble.
- Character Name Alias: Sharon pretends her and Tracey's names are Cagney & Lacey.
- Company Cameo: A very prominent shot of The BBC (which at the time produced and aired the show) shows up as the girls head down to Antiques Roadshow.
- Dumbass Has a Point: Sylvie may be a Scatterbrained Senior, but she correctly realizes that Dorien's treasure is actually worthless. It's what convinces Sharon to try to ask Sylvie about her true parentage as it suggested that she's not all that crazy.
- Gene Hunting: At the end of the episode, Sharon considers tracking down their real parents. However, Tracey doesn't want to, since they did abandon them.
- Hairpin Lockpick: A variation. Dorien uses her bracelet to get into a locked box.
- Let Us Never Speak of This Again: After the whole adoption crisis leads to Tracey having a breakdown, both she and Sharon agree to never mention adoption again. Of course, events conspire to make them learn the truth.
- MockGuffin: Dorien's presumably priceless family heirloom was actually a Mid-20th century East End fake, much to her horror.
- Noodle Incident:
- Chris lost Sharon's birth certificate at the Greek Orthodox.
- Auntie Sylvie was once sent to jail for forging birth certificates.
- Obfuscating Insanity: Sharon calls Auntie Sylvie out for playing up her scatterbrained tendencies, presumably so that they don't ask her about the question of adoption. Notably, she starts calling them by their correct names afterward.
- Oblivious Adoption: Sharon and Tracey find evidence that one or the other is adopted. They later find out that they're both adopted (although they're still biologically related).
- Psychic Powers: Auntie Sylvie claims to be capable of sensing aura and feelings and having premonitions, much to the annoyance of Tracey.
- Scatterbrained Senior: Auntie Sylvie, who mixes up the girl's name and is implied to not even know what day it is. It's heavily hinted that she's been faking it though.
- Secret Diary: Dorien mentions Marcus having one of these for five years, which proves important when she recognizes the lock from a box they found from the lock for the diary.
- Shout-Out:
- Auntie Sylvie thought she saw Princess Margaret at the pie and mash shop.
- After seeing Dorien with her vase, Sharon asks her if she's won The World Cup.
- Sharon asks if Catherine the Great was partial to a cuppa.
- The major driving plot of the episode is that the Antiques Roadshow is coming to Chigwell.
- Tracey asks Sharon if she thinks she's Anneka Rice.
- Sharon thinks that Dorien's next stop after Antiques is Blankety Blank.
- Tracey states that her father would be happy watching The Black and White Minstrel Show on the TV.
- Sharon uses Cagney & Lacey as an alias for her and Tracey.
- Sharon briefly entertains the fact that she may be related to Margaret Thatcher.
- Speak in Unison: Both Sharon and Tracey ask "Who Was?" when Slyvie recounts how their parents came to be in possession of them.
- Staircase Tumble: Dorien ends up falling down the steps to the attic.
- Take That!:
- Tracey compares her headache to a Bruce Springsteen concert.
- Sharon calls her father as romantic as a wet Wednesday in Walthamstow.
- Titled After the Song: The title of the episode comes from the song by Adam Faith.
- T-Word Euphemism: Sharon promises Tracey to stop talking about the A-word ("Adoption").
- Unseen No More: After several mentions in the last two series, Auntie Sylvie makes her first on-screen appearance.
- You Were Trying Too Hard: Dorien suggests that Sharon is the result of her parents trying to have a baby, giving up once they pursue the route of adoption, and only then giving birth to her.
- Wham Line: After a whole episode of Tracey and Sharon trying to figure out which one was adopted, Auntie Sylvie drops this bomb:Auntie Sylvie: They adopted the pair of ya.
