Quotes: Pointy-Haired Boss

<SaetheR:#916> why are stupid people my managers?
<phear:#916> because they make horrible employees

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    fiction 
I made a typo in my annual budget request, but don't worry. There are only two things you can't buy for the test lab this year: Hardware and Software.
Dilbert

Chris Edwards: Steve, I'm getting a bunch of mixed messages here. Is the governor giving a concession speech or not? Because she just told me—
Steve Schmidt: I've already said this five times already. She is not giving a speech.
Chris: Well, she seems to think otherwise.
Steve: Well, she's not.
Chris: What do you want me to tell her?
Steve: (beside himself) Tell her she's not fucking speaking!
Chris: Okay, well, you both seem pretty certain...
Steve: Well, let MY certainty supersede HER certainty! God DAMN it!!

    real life 
Palin:
  1. An applicant lacking even basic job skills
  2. Someone supremely un-self-aware or lacking any relative sense of what he/she does or doesn't know.

There is something peculiarly inhuman even about his incompetence.
Gore Vidal, "H. Hughes"

There are many highly successful businesses in the United States. There are many highly-paid executives. The policy is not to intermingle the two.
Norman Augustine

He obviously has qualities that I donít recognize or understand. How can a person who has a 15-year history of failure still keep a job?
TNA Co-Founder Jerry Jarrett on Vince Russo

As his company was descending into Randian mayhem, Lampert continued to cheerfully inform stockholders that his revolutionary ideas would soon produce earth-shattering results. Reality: Sears has lost half its value in five years...The Sears store in Oakland, California, open for business with boarded-up windows, has even been cited for urban blight.
Lynn Parramore on Kmart CEO Eddie Lampert

Someone who sucked so much on Inside Edition that Fox decided to give him a job as a bs artist on its network. Also, he hates celebrities because they wouldn't give him the time of day on said Inside Edition show. Likes to use vibrators on himself.

I'm reminded of the time during my three-year stint working for Borders when the CEO resigned and was replaced by the former head of Pathmark. Somebody who didn't care or know anything about books was suddenly calling the shots at a national bookstore chain. You don't need me to tell you the company didn't exactly turn around under his leadership. I almost wish I swiped one of the training videos that came out when he "refocused" the stores' selling procedures... I'm trying to remember if the word "book" was even mentioned during the fifteen-minute explication of his revolutionary new customer service acronym.

Only a fucking idiot would think it was a good idea to provide less parking and fewer trains for the Super Bowl than they do for a normal game.

I covered the Cowboys for NBC's Dallas affiliate for a few years, and covering the Cowboys is an easy job because Jerry Jones never stops talking to the media, and is a completely fucking insane person. He is a man who abhors a vacuum. He tolerates neither quiet failure nor quiet success. If a week passes without the Double J having done or said something completely stupid, he will cry out, 'JEEZUM CROW I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING STUPID TODAY!' and go running for the nearest camera.
Drew McGary, "Jerry Jones Is Fucking Crazy"

Larry Kasanoff is a talent-less, classless scumbag that should be banned from Hollywood until the end of time. All of the inappropriate innuendos are a direct product of his 'creative hand'. I cannot tell you how many times this moron derailed production with his brainless input. It literally has cost the studio millions of dollars. They eventually stepped in and removed him from the project. Unfortunately, that was a decade and millions of dollars late.
Vader Hater, an anonymous animator who worked on Food Fight.

Who is John Lee Hancock? No one, thatís who. I had to check IMDb to see what (if anything) the guy had done. His only big movie is The Rookie. Well, now that I know that, heís the perfect person to direct our $100 million dollar historical epic.

Mike: Him and M. Night Shyamalan, how do they keep making movies? (rethinks it) I'll tell you, it involves a profit margin.
Jay: Well, the difference is that Roland Emmerich movies always make money. M. Night Shyamalan's movies keep failing, but he keeps getting work. Maybe he gives really good blowjobs.
(long, awkward pause)
Mike: The Suck Sense?

Nightís After Earth production tweets were something to behold, as he simpered on about each shot and edit evoking the emotional wonder and power of cinema, like a blind man telling you how clever his dog is, while stroking a furry toilet seat with a collar on it. Irritatingly, as we constantly see potentially awesome movies dropped from development as studios get jumpy about budgets, it seems like whatever he does, Hollywood just keeps throwing money at him to produce another stinker. How many better films were kept off the screen so that M. Night Shyamalan could fart out another one star abomination?

A misconceived disaster, and yet another example of John Nathan-Turner having no sense that maybe you should avoid putting a complete piece of crap out as a season premiere (See also the premieres of Seasons 18, 20, 22, 24, and 26.) All that can be said is that at least with Season 21 he avoids putting the worst story out as a season premiere. Instead he saves the worst story for an even more important slot. Oh, dear.