Quotes / Mooks

"Without his Storm Troopers (or his Clones) the Emperor of the Star Wars universe would have been nothing more then a personal menace with a great need for a plastic surgeon and a better fashion consultant. And where would Sauron have been without his Orcs. The power of most Masterminds lies with their minions—the faceless hordes who exist to do (literally) only the Mastermind's bidding and work their evil upon the game world."
GURPS For Dummies

''These guys are your basic stupid, fearful, reflexively-violent mooks. If you're giving them any more personality than that, you're thinking too hard. They're just breathing sacks of cement with guns, itching to be thrown through windows, crushed under collapsing ceilings, and otherwise dispatched like the bottom-feeding no-name scum they are.''
GM notes on the Poison Thorns, the mooks from the Feng Shui intro adventure "Baptism of Fire."

“What can you say? There’s a downside to working for supervillians.”
Cam Mitchell, Stargate SG-1; "Momento Mori"

"Do you know who I am? Have you any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years? And look at you, you haven't even got a name tag. You've got no chance. Why don't you just fall down? Go on, son."
Nigel Powers, Austin Powers in Goldmember

"Poor goblins. Dying for the cheap entertainment of low level PCs."

"Do you want me to slow him down, sir, or do you want to send in some more guys for him to beat up?"
Hawkeye, Thor

Dude... it's a tall guy dressed in black, with a weird, glowy weapon thing, and we're a couple of guards in matching, shiny armor... we're so fucking DEAD!

Wally: "I've decided to dabble in crime. I need some henchmen. Are you in?"
Asok: "What does a henchmen do?"
Wally: "A henchman's job is to be gunned down in reverse order to his importance."
Wally: "I wouldn't pack a lunch for orientation day."
Dilbert, strip for May 12, 2009

Joker: Please allow me to introduce my associates. Miss Quinn..
Harley Quinn: Enchanted!
Joker: And Misters.. [gestures at his two goons] ..their names escape me at the moment..
Batman: The Animated Series, "The Laughing Fish"

"Are you inept?! Inattentive?! Weak?! Join the Sci-Fi movie army!!"
Kevin Murphy, RiffTrax for Ćon Flux

"Man, I gotta stop hiring thugs off Craigslist."

Chris: Meanwhile, the guard that smacked around Magneto has gone directly from his job at a high-security government installation to a bar, where he is easily seduced by Mystique, who has turned herself into Sexy Rebecca Romijn.
Matt: I know a bar is directly where I’d go if I had to do that guy’s job.
Chris: Yeah, I guess having to beat up a Holocaust survivor all day is a pretty good reason to drink.
Chris Sims and David Uzumeri on X2: X-Men United

"Here's a brief list of things these guards, soldiers and career mercenaries have never been trained not to do: 1) Stand around facing each other and jammer on about how much they hate democracy and apple pie and the smiles on little babies' faces instead of guarding the fucking room. 2) Shout insults at the professional killer the they can't see but know for a fact is in the room, currently training his sights at their big flapping pottymouths. 3) After catching a glimpse of said professional killer, unload every clip of ammo at the place where he used to be with their backs to about 12 different entry points. 4) And repeatedly checking for the professional killer in the same square yard of floorspace, loudly announcing their results with every step."

"Final Fantasy II had the unstoppable hellspawned footsoldiers of the Paramekian Empire. Final Fantasy VI had the MagiTek-powered armies of Emperor Gestahl. Final Fantasy VII had Shinra's security forces. Each incarnation of the Final Fantasy evil imperial army has become less and less frightening until we at last hit the bottom with the Galbadian Army. It's baffling that Galbadia ever became an imperial power with an army of useless wimps like these guys. If you ever get a Game Over screen as a result of a run-in with these guys, you'd probably be better off playing Mystic Quest. They're more like dominoes than soldiers."

Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today via YouTube to solemnly remember our great friend, Soldier A. He was there to scream as he was shot, he was there to grunt as he was punched in the face, and he announced, yes, it was a Gundam. May he rest in peace...at least until the next action scene.
Neo Mikey's description for "Soldier A" Video.

Why do you attract these lunatics? Why won't they just leave you alone? Why do they take such pleasure in stabbing you?