Quotes / Joke Item

Noel: Monsters don't kill people; people kill people. Does that sound about right?
Mog: (chuckles darkly) Truer words were never spoken, kupo. People are much more scary than monsters, kupo! We risked our lives to solve the case, kupo, and how does the government pay us? Not with gil, but bits and bobs and household goods, kupo! No one needs ten years worth of toilet paper, kupo! No one! I had no choice but to decline their offer. The government is evil, kupo! Humans are evil, kupo! (Fragment Discovered! Kalavinka Fragment You obtain 4500 CP! ... Item Acquired! You obtain a Toilet Paper Coupon!)

"This is FAR from the strongest of swords! I feel so betrayed!"
Gilgamesh upon using Excalipoor in Various Final Fantasy games.

Obtained Long Live the Ice!
Press an enemy to encase it in ice and stop it from moving. (Some enemies may not be affected.)

Orange Fluffy Sheep: Look at this pin! Look how BAD it is! It's almost begging you to make fun of it because at least then you're paying attention to it!

"I read through the whole book, and even though it tells you to collect items to use in other places, I've never been able to figure out how or where to use any of them. I eventually just started experimenting with them all. I tried using a beer I found, which didn't seem to do anything except make the controls and graphics even worse than they were before - hard to believe, I know. There's a mirror that kind of... shimmers.note  There's a chain with a hook on the end that attaches to the ceiling and swings there for... no apparent reason or effect. There's a watch that temporarily stops time, I think. And I found a bunch of items that don't seem to do anything, like a Blair Witch dollnote , a bongnote , a flashlightnote , a fiery thing, a guitar, a cardboard box, a stereo,note  a shovelnote ... I don't know. My favorite useless item is the cigarette, because when you use it, it kills you!"

Increases your nothing by zero for the rest of the day.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Quotes/JokeItem