Quotes: Heteronormative Crusader

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    Film — Live-Action 

Dan White: Society can't exist without the family.
Harvey Milk: We're not against that.
White: Can two men reproduce?
Milk: No, but God knows we keep trying.

    Live-Action TV 

I don't know if watching Chaz Bono will turn your kids into transsexuals, but I'm pretty sure that letting them watch Keith Ablow will turn them into assholes.

President Jed Bartlet: I like your show. I like how you call homosexuality "an abomination".
Dr. Jenna Jacobs: I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President. The Bible does.
Bartlet: Yes, it does. Leviticus.
Jacobs: 18:22.
Bartlet: Chapter and verse. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While thinking about that, can I ask another? My Chief of Staff Leo McGarry insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or is it OK to call the police? Here's one that's really important, 'cause we've got a lot of sports fans in this town: Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole town really have to be together to stone my brother John for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing: While you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the Ignorant Tight-Ass Club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits.
The West Wing, "The Midterms"


Homosexuality is a mockery of the natural order. In that respect it is very much like sorcery. We, the Knighthood, are opposed to anything that is against the natural order!
Orransong from Flip Side, shortly before he gets punched out.

    Web Original 

Wake up. Moisturize. Exfoliate
Put on some techno music and call Brad.
Listen to Cher
Go to the wizard of the oz party
Protest No on Prop 8
Party party party

That is the real homosexual agenda. Politicians don't know what they are talking about.

Cislog Day 39: Food supplies running low. The trans hordes continue to circle below. All the shops have already been converted to hormone suppliers and binder trade programs. We may very well be the last cis people in this state, but I worry that the infection is spreading. My wife has already confided that she hates looking in the mirror because her reflection looks too feminine and I think she might be wearing multiple layers. She says its too cold for one, but it may be a sign of the infection. And… and… God help me… I couldn’t look down when I peed this morning…

That’s right, we’re being pulling into some terrifying, strange alternate reality in which everybody has equal civil rights and consenting adults whose actions have no effect on your life can do as they choose. Sounds pretty harrowing, doesn’t it?

I hate Hulk Hogan a little more today, because in my head, I’m singing “half-gay” to the tune of Cher’s “Half-Breed.”
Michael K., "Wrestling/Hulk Hogan’s Sex Tape Is The Offensive Gift That Keeps On Offending"

    Web Video 

Brad Jones: (watching the film) I could go on and on with this, but here's where I stop.
Jeff: (in the film, at church) And what about the lifestyles of these popular artists? Some are admitted homosexuals!
Brad: Kid... go fuck yourself. Your decision is to not listen to rock music, fine. My decision is that I don't have to listen to any more of what you have to say, because as soon as you bring your homophobic beliefs into this one-sided conversation, I am done with you.
Brad Jones, DVD-R Hell on Rock: It's Your Decision!

    Western Animation 

Mr. Garrison: Stanley, gay people... well, gay people are evil. Evil right down to their cold black hearts, which pump not blood like yours and mine, but rather a thick vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains, which becomes the cause of their Naziesque patterns of violent behaviour. Do you understand?
Stan: ...I guess.
Garrison: Good. I'm glad we could have this little talk, Stanley. Now you go outside and practice football like a good little heterosexual.