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Quotes: Heterosexual Life-Partners
"This imposes on me at the outset a very tiresome bit of demolition. It has actually become necessary in our time to rebut the theory that every firm and serious friendship is really homosexual."
C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

"The Bird and I did like the same type, and we would pass boys back and forth. Once, after an unsuccessful evening's prowl of Saint-Germain, we returned to the hotel, and the Bird said, 'Well, that just leaves us,' to which he says I said, 'Don't be macabre.'"
Gore Vidal, palimpsest

Super Friends version of Superman: Here is to being best friends forever in a completely platonic way!
Super Friends version of Batman: You said it! We are as close as two friends can possibly be without going over any boundaries that would be indicative to our being more than friends!
Tien: No, Chaozu! My partner!
Yamcha: Gay.
Tien: Hey, at least I don't spend all my time with a cat!
Yamcha: Hey! At least I get some pus—Wow, that did not come out right.
Terrence: Wow, Scott really hates us, Phillip!
Phillip: Yes! Perhaps he's homophobic!
Terrence: But we're not gay, Phillip.
Phillip: We're not?!
South Park - Not Without My Anus

I wish to cherish you like a brother!
It is her, the goddess,
who comes to unite us this day!
Yes, let us share the same fate,
let us be united until death!
Au Fond du Temple Saint, The Pearl Fishers

No, I do not know where Power Man is. We're partners, not a couple.
Iron Fist, Dr. Strange: The Oath #1

Denny: How did the judge know about our sleepovers?
Alan: Who knows?
Denny: Is it odd that two grown heteros have sleepovers?
Alan: Who cares? I wouldn't trade them for anything.
Jeremy: (mocking) She might be "the one?"
Mark: Fuck off, Jeremy.
Jeremy: (inner voice) I'm his one.
"Bros before hoes."

Nothing really gay about it.
I love you in the most heterosexual way.

"I don't want to sound gloomy, but, at some point of your lives, every one of you will notice that you have in your life one person, one friend whom you love and care for very much. That person is so close to you that you are able to share some things only with him. For example, you can call that friend, and from the very first maniacal laugh or some other joke you will know who is at the other end of that line. We used to do that with him so often. And then when that person is gone, there will be nothing like that in your life ever again."
Christopher Lee, following the death of lifelong friend Peter Cushing

"Best friends can be very gay."
— Sasha Alexander

It's not simply having a best friend; it's not really parallel to anything we have in human culture. A moirail is explicitly a form of soulmate, not in the "get together and make babies" sense that humans associate the term with, but in the "fall asleep on each other and the rest of the world doesn't matter" sense. In the case of Karkat and Gamzee, it's also managing each other; Karkat keeps Gamzee from hurting himself or others, and Gamzee keeps Karkat chilled out, to overly simplify it. They don't want to kiss; they want to pap on the face and hug and then maybe they go up to the roof and Gamzee listens while Karkat bitches out the stars.
Cultstuck commenter Starcrossedsky explaining moirallegiance

[when asked whether she and Ann were a couple]
Leslie: No, tragically we're both heterosexual.

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