Quotes / Duke Nukem Forever

YOU WANT IT
YOU NEED IT
AND NOW
WE'RE FUCKING BRINGING IT
HE'S READY
HE'S RESTED
HE'S REALLY
REALLY
ALL OUT OF GUM
DNF Reveal trailer

"Yes it seems that 3D realms have been doing something other than giving each other piggyback rides for the last 10 years. In a stroke all the anticipation we haven't felt since 1998 returned like a tazer gun to the base of the spine. I just hope that 3D realms understands that if this game doesn't turn out to be history's greatest contribution to human culture and the cure for at least one type of cancer, then I and ever other reviewer on earth are going to saw its bollocks off."
Ben 'Yahtzee' Croshaw, Zero Punctuation (Feb. 2008)

"What if the game gets delayed? You don't want this to become No More Heroes Forever, do you?"
Jeane, No More Heroes

"Duke Nukem Forever sure looks super fun! I can't wait to play it! Always bet on Duke!"
Leo's Younger Self, VG Cats

Gabe (in 1998): Man, if Duke Nukem Forever ever comes out, I will suck, like, a hundred horse dicks. In a row.
(one Gilligan Cut later to 2010)
Gabe: No. No, no, no.
Tycho: Well, these horse dicks aren't gonna suck themselves.

Tycho: *Faux-Outrage* Did you know there's a mode in Duke Nukem where you slap a woman's bottom!?
Gabe: *Bored* Did you know there's a mode in Call of Duty where you murder, like, a million people? It's called Call of Duty.

Duke (Duke!) You used to be cool
But you gotta make your mind up if you're modern or old school
Duke (Duke!) You used to be cool
Learn to kick ass again and get rid of that lame two weapon rule
And then the world might not be so cruel...

"The folks at 3D Realms are going to be happy we're printing this. They'll say that it's simply a testament to the character's popularity, and after all this time, that people are STILL so concerned with the next Duke Nukem title. They may well be right. But there's a line — let's call it the "Daikatana Line" — where the general public opinion goes from amused to frustrated. We've crossed that line, I think, and the only way to recover from it is for the game to deliver an absolutely unheralded and unparalleled gaming experience. It has to make Half-Life 2 look outdatednote ."
...
"I did an interview with George Broussard when I was 17 and in high school, and I asked him about Duke Nukem Forever then. I'm 23 now."

April 1997
"Duke Nukem Forever is announced as a follow-up to the wildly successful Duke Nukem 3D. To celebrate, George Broussard, co-creator of the character and creative director for the title, commissions a 10-foot concrete likeness of Duke Nukem. The contractor states that it will take three months for the statue to be completed. Eight months later, the statue was still under construction, and all inquiries made to the contractor were met with the same response: when it's done."

(12 years of fake production troubles later.)

May 2009
"All but two members of the company are fired, and the remaining two are preparing for a lawsuit from Take Two. Adding insult to injury, the Duke Nukem statue finally arrives at the offices of 3D Realms, albeit missing an arm and bearing the likeness of Kurt Russell instead of Duke Nukem."

"Which brings us to the present. The future seems bleak for the infamous title, but some gamers (mostly confined to the 3D Realms forums) believe that someday, somehow, Duke Nukem Forever will see the light of day. I'm here to tell you that despite losing nearly everyone who has put even a minute of work into the game, it is still not technically "dead". Rather, it is in a "persistent vegetative state".

"Still, I suppose it is about time to say goodbye. Farewell, Duke Nukem! You'll live on in our hearts, and in the countless reiterations of your earlier games. And farewell to you, 3D Realms! I'm still waiting on the sequel to Shadow Warrior!"