YOU WANT IT
YOU NEED IT
AND NOW
WE'RE FUCKING BRINGING IT
HE'S READY
HE'S RESTED
HE'S REALLY
REALLY
ALL OUT OF GUM

"Yes it seems that 3D realms have been doing something other than giving each other piggyback rides for the last 10 years. In a stroke all the anticipation we haven't felt since 1998 returned like a tazer gun to the base of the spine. I just hope that 3D realms understands that if this game doesn't turn out to be history's greatest contribution to human culture and the cure for at least one type of cancer, then I and ever other reviewer on earth are going to saw its bollocks off."

"What if the game gets delayed? You don't want this to become No More Heroes Forever, do you?"

"Duke Nukem Forever sure looks super fun! I can't wait to play it! Always bet on Duke!"

Gabe (in 1998): Man, if Duke Nukem Forever ever comes out, I will suck, like, a hundred horse dicks. In a row.
(one Gilligan Cut later to 2010)
Gabe: No. No, no, no.
Tycho: Well, these horse dicks aren't gonna suck themselves.

Tycho: *Faux-Outrage* Did you know there's a mode in Duke Nukem where you slap a woman's bottom!?

Gabe: *Bored* Did you know there's a mode in Call of Duty where you murder, like, a million people? It's called Call of Duty.

"The interesting thing about Forever is that you can practically cut it in half and see the entire 14 years of shooter evolution it tried to keep up with like rings in a tree stump. It starts campy and colorful, in Sin, Blood II: The Chosen kind of way; then it moves into the dark, sweaty, unpleasant Doom 3, Prey, Quake IV period when you go into the alien hive. (And incidentally, this section contains as jarring a shift of tone as you can get without splicing five minutes of The Human Centipede into the middle of Mallrats.) And by the last mission, Duke has finally embraced the FPSs of today, meaning you run around a gray-brown industrial area for a while, then get a shit ending."