Quotes / Cut Himself Shaving

Tyler Durden: [To a doctor treating Narrator's wounds] He fell down some stairs.
Narrator/Jack: I fell down some stairs.

Lucio: I have to check in with Reyes! I'm already late, he's going to know that something is wrong.
Michael: Fine, call him. You broke your foot walking down the stairs at the mall, you forgot to call.
Lucio: ...? Broke my foot? I didn't break my foot.
[Fiona stomps on his foot, cracking it. Cue screams]
Michael: There you go.
Burn Notice, "Hard Bargain"

Comm. Braden: Where did you get those bruises?
Gunter: From a bar fight.
Comm. Braden: There was no alcohol in your system.
Gunter: It was a juice bar.

Francine: Wow, Jeff's really changed.
Haley: Isn't it great? I don't know what's gotten into him but he has gotten so strong and primal, like a cave man. I wonder if he'll hit me? But only because he really loves me.
Francine: And sometimes you do talk to much.
Haley: Yes, yes I do.
Francine: Ooo we'll could say you walked into a door.
Haley: That's perfect. Thanks, mom.
American Dad!, "Bullocks to Stan"

Reporter: And then, just recently, Mr. Cleaver, the government's nuclear advisor.
Margaret: Slipped on an icy patch.
Reporter: He was decapitated!
Margaret: It was a very icy patch.
Doctor Who, "Boom Town"

"All right, Frank, let's recap, shall we? You slipped and fell onto a shiv. Then you got up and fell backwards onto another shiv. And finally one last shiv fell from the ceiling and into your body. I'm gonna go out on a limb here: I think you got shivved."
Det. Jake Peralta, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Lou Landers: What happened to your arm?
Rick: Uh... a bike messenger knocked me down. I see your wrist is bandaged.
Lou Landers: Yes, I burned it on some hot coffee. And you have a cut on your lip.
Rick: Uh... my crackpipe broke. You have a scratch on your neck.
Lou Landers: Yes, I... met a girl on Craigslist. And you have a bruise on your neck.
Rick: I... met a guy on Craigslist.