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Quotes: Cut Himself Shaving

Tyler Durden: (to a doctor treating Narrator's wounds) He fell down some stairs.
Narrator/Jack: I fell down some stairs.

Lucio: I have to check in with Reyes! I'm already late, he's going to know that something is wrong.
Michael: Fine, call him. You broke your foot walking down the stairs at the mall, you forgot to call.
Lucio: ...? Broke my foot? I didn't break my foot.
(Fiona stomps on his foot, cracking it. Cue screams)
Michael: There you go.
Burn Notice, "Hard Bargain"

Comm. Braden: Where did you get those bruises?
Gunter: From a bar fight.
Comm. Braden: There was no alcohol in your system.
Gunter: It was a juice bar.

Francine: Wow Jeffs really changed.
Haley: Isn't it great? I don't know whats gotten into him but he has gotten so strong and primal, like a cave man. I wonder if he'll hit me? But only because he really loves me.''
Francine: And sometimes you do talk to much.
Haley: Yes, yes I do.
Francine: Ooo we'll could say you walked into a door.
Haley: Thats perfect. Thanks mom.
American Dad!, "Bullocks to Stan"

Reporter: And then, just recently, Mr. Cleaver, the government's nuclear advisor.
Margaret: Slipped on an icy patch.
Reporter: He was decapitated!
Margaret: It was a very icy patch.
Doctor Who, "Boom Town"