Quotes: Banana Republic


I place you in charge of Arrakis. It's yours to squeeze, as I promised. I want you to squeeze, and squeeze, and SQUEEZE! Give me spice! Drive them! Drive them into utter submission!
Baron Harkonnen, Dune (1984)

Colombia. From what I've heard, even the butterflies are corrupt.

Spend enough time in international hotspots, and you learn that a lot of the worst monsters on earth are just spoiled rich kids. Mass murderers come in many shapes and sizes, but they tend to drink the same brands of champagne.
Burn Notice, "Truth and Reconciliation"

You might be surprised to learn than 93% of investments are ethical, eco-friendly, and wide open to market collapse. A crash can strike without warning, wiping clean a lifetime of work and saving to destroy your future, and the future of your family. The people at Third World Bank have different ideas, capturing the earning potential of underdeveloped countries and spreading your money across a wide range of tobacco, defense, and pharmaceutical investments. Third World, keeping your money safe — no matter the cost.
Third World Bank advert, GTA Radio

Originally established as a homeland for free American slaves, it's been enslaved by one dictator after another ever since. The latest was American-educated, self-declared president Andre Baptiste. President Baptiste was my best customer, but I was in no hurry to meet him; he'd gotten a reputation for routinely hacking off the limbs of those who opposed him. His seven-year civil war has been described as 'a relentless campaign of sadistic, wanton violence.' That kind of sums up Andy for me.
Yuri Orlov, Lord of War

Real Life

We fly through the jungle, with lots of aerial footage of a large mansion...And all of the guards are speaking Spanish, because I think it was a legal requirement in the Ď80s that all action movies had to take place in the jungles of either Vietnam or South America.

Jay: So, The Berserker here (aka John Nord, Nord the Barbarian, whichever you like), he was in from the AWA and the Pacific-Northwest, and he had similar manners and gimmicks [to] Bruiser Brody, who was stabbed to death in a shower after a wrestling match in Puerto Rico. That was horrific, it was a disgusting scandal.
Steve: Plus it ruined wrestling over there.
Jay: Rightly so. There were witnesses there, including Tony Atlas. Everyone knew what happened. Man walks off scot free.
OSW Review on WWF Survivor Series '91

With some irritation, I told him that I had no intention of repeating the various horror stories told told me by those who had been ruined by his government, their businesses seized, their livelihoods ended... An owner would come into work one morning to find an army officer sitting at his desk, directing what had been his business the day before.

Heikal was scornful. 'So we take their money. So they are not happy. So what? At least they are still alive! That's something!' He felt this showed great restraint on the part of the government and perhaps he was right.
Gore Vidal, "Nasser's Egypt"

Their conception of the way politics works is that it's arranged by rich guys sitting in back rooms who work out deals together, and the population's irrelevant. They haven't the slightest conception or the way a democratic system functions... So they have a huge security force—nobody really knows how big it is, because it's a secret, but they may have thirty or forty thousand men enlisted. They surely have one of the highest densities of police per capita in the world, if not the highest. They work very closely with the Israeli secret service and the Israeli army. They're very brutal. And they're making a ton of money. So you go to places like Gaza which are just collapsing, there are people starving in the streets—and there's also a ton of construction, new fancy restaurants, hotels, a lot of Palestinian investors going in...So now that's their role, to oversee all of this, and they'll put up with any humiliation. I mean, if you look at the terms of the [Oslo Accords], it was just gratuitous humiliation. But the P.L.O. is perfectly happy to take it. And they'll get rich, and they'll have the guns, and they'll be the equivalent of the elite in India, or Mexico, Thailand, Indonesia, or any other place that you see in the Third World.
Noam Chomsky on Yassar Arafat, Understanding Power

A country whose people resemble The Beverly Hillbillies: people who have no class, culture, or civility but happen upon large amounts of black gold. The profits of this are then used on flashy expenditures in order to create a pretense of civility among other peoples who are actually civilized (North Americans, Europeans, etc).

You know when a shithead wins the lottery, and immediately buys a frozen champagne sculpture of his own scrotum and a pack of Filipino slave boys to hold up his home shelving units? Well, if that person was a city, it would be Dubai.

Uganda has managed to cram an awful lot of history into its few decades of independence — or should that be a lot of awful history. From Idi Amin to the Lord's Resistance Army, Uganda has suffered dictatorship, war, dictatorship, war, dictatorship and war. And the ebola virus.

Itís 2011 all over again! These fucks need to learn that you have to do some research before you agree to perform in a country that you canít even pick out on the Carmen Sandiego map. You know why Iíve never eaten at Del Taco or Yoshinoya? Because I do my research by Yelping that shit first; and when the first three reviews that come up sound like the strained moans of a haunted spirit, I know to stay away, no matter how good a deal $0.59 tacos sound. Celebrities need to start Yelping countries before they go to them to make sure they arenít getting down with shady shit. Case in pointÖMariahís paycheque can only be cashed at the Bank of Blood Money, because the gala was held by a father-daughter dictatorship duo.
Dlisted, "Ruh Roh: Mariah Carey Maybe Kinda Performed For A Dictator Again"

Millions of Brazilians have been protesting in the streets for more than a year over the superfluous spending on stadiums that'll be abandoned and probably turned into shantytowns two weeks after the games. The government's solution? Spend even more money coming up with sci-fi-looking measures to curb the protests...In other words, Brazil has finally caught up to the dystopian future shown in the movie Brazil from 1985.

All it took was $5 million and a fancy sketch of a hovering air conditioner for the FIFA president and his board to bestow hosting duties for the 2022 World Cup upon Qatar, a nation that treats its migrant workers worse than Germany treated Brazil in its 2014 Cup debacle. Will [Sepp] Blatter answer for this? Of course not. Blatter is so unbeholden to any form of international law or common decency that he can simply rampage from country to country, looting coffers and shitting on poor people as he pleases. He is a walking nightmare of diplomatic immunity.
Drew Magary, "The 25 Biggest Sleazebags in Sports!"