I Want to Hold Aono-kun so Badly I Could Die (Aono-kun ni Sawaritai kara Shinitai) is a seinen romance/horror manga by Umi Shiina. It began serialization in Monthly Afternoon in 2016, and is still ongoing.
Yuri Kariya has never had a boyfriend, but that's just changed. She confesses to Ryuhei Aono in the class next door, and though he seems confused by her confession, he accepts and the two become a couple.
Two weeks later, Aono dies in a traffic accident.
Filled with despair, Yuri contemplates suicide, only for Aono's ghost to stop her. Despite the strange circumstances, Yuri is overjoyed to see him again and the two decide to remain a couple.
This all sounds like the setup for a heartwarming, bittersweet almost Slice of Life story about a girl and her ghost boyfriend, but it isn't. Though the first couple chapters focus on romantic hijinks between the two, it doesn't take long for Yuri and Aono to notice that something's not quite right with Aono now that he's a ghost... and there may also be something wrong with Yuri herself.
A live-action television series adaptation aired in 2022.
This manga provides examples of:
- Abusive Parents: A few examples.
- Yuri's parents coped very, very badly with the death of her older brother, and took it out on Midori as a child. Now when Midori passes the abuse on to her younger sister, they look the other way and tell Yuri to cope with it.
- It's implied that Aono's mother had obsessive feelings towards Aono, possibly to the point of Parental Incest, while despising his younger brother. There's a dream sequence that shows Aono remembers a time when his mother convinced him to lock his younger brother inside of the closet while they went for ice cream and a movie together. Yuri also guesses that the reason Aono abandoned his brother was because his mother had told him to.
- Big Sister Bully: Yuri's sister Midori throws a fit when she sees Yuri wearing her clothes despite the fact she'd already told her mother that she didn't wear them anymore. She forces Yuri to take the clothes off despite her having just barely walked in the door, only to throw them in the trash. Their mother is disturbingly nonchalant about it. She also sneaks condoms into Yuri's room to make their mother think Yuri Really Gets Around, and the mother believes her even when Yuri says that she's lying.
- Body Horror: Often in the form of both people and ghosts shriveling up into humanoid masses of veins.
- Came Back Wrong: As the story goes on, it becomes clear that coming back as a ghost has changed Aono for the worse, particularly when his Dark Aono side rears its head.
- Cannot Tell a Lie: Ghosts apparently can't lie while making a contract, although that doesn't stop them from being able to manipulate things in their favour.
- Covert Pervert: Fujimoto appears somewhat offended that Yuri would rather lose her virginity to a stranger instead of him.
- Deal with the Devil: Any bargain made with a ghost is generally this. Aono in particular looks for any opportunity he has to force Yuri into agreeing to let him possess her in exchange for saving her or other people.
- Disease Bleach: Repeated possession at Aono's hand eventually bleaches Yuri's hair.
- Disguised Horror Story: As the description states, the series starts off mostly innocently enough, seemingly being some Slice of Life romance about Yuri and Aono's ghost. That is, until Aono suddenly demands that Yuri allow him to possess her near the end of the first chapter, revealing the horror aspects of the manga.
- Does This Remind You of Anything?: the scenes where Aono possesses Yuri tend to have him loom over her while she's lying down and press part of himself into her or between her legs.
- Doppelgänger:
- Whenever Aono possesses someone he becomes a Body Snatcher. Interestingly, that includes being body-snatched by *himself* when Dark Aono takes over, as well as when he possesses Yuri or Fujimoto.
- Ghosts also seem to be able to temporarily take on other people's forms to deceive the living. Aono pretends to be Yuri to get into Mio's home, and later pretends to be Fujimoto as well. Aono's mother also takes on Yuri's form in front of Fujimoto.
- Genre Savvy: Mio is a horror film buff and is able to guide the other characters whenever they're faced with ghosts.
- Expository Hairstyle Change: Yuri's hair color changes to Mystical White Hair during volume 2. Her mother forces her to cut it short since it cannot be dyed back to black.
- Flower Motifs: Flowers seem to symbolize some connection to death and the spirit world.
- Glamour Failure: Nozomi can see Dark Aono's true form, and it isn't pretty.
- Hikikomori: Mio Horie in Yuri's class is one, having not come to school since May.
- I See Dead People: Nozomi Watase at the elementary school can see ghosts. After forcing her to do the Yotsukubi-sama ritual with them, Yuina and Hiroto can, too.
- Love Confessor: Fujimoto admits to Aono in Chapter 28 that he does indeed like Yuri, but hasn't acted on his feelings out of consideration for Aono's ghost.
- Love Triangle: One eventually forms between Aono, Yuri and Fujimoto, and begins taking on a prominent role in the plot in the ninth volume.
- Magically-Binding Contract: Ghosts and the living are magically bound to obey the terms of any trade or agreement they make together.
- Mr. Exposition: Mio frequently fills this role, due to a combination of her interest in horror and ghost story tropes and a clever mind that can draw together the pieces of information everyone gathers to come up with new, generally correct theories on whatever supernatural difficulties the cast is facing (and how to fix them).
- Must Be Invited: Ghosts can't enter homes without permission. According to Horie's theories, that's because everyone lives in a separate but intersecting world, and only the living have automatic permission to traverse them.
- Mistaken for Romance: Yuri and Fujimoto's collaboration to help Aono move on has led to their school gossiping about their potential relationship. Yuri is highly embarrassed and ashamed due to still "being" with Aono, while Fujimoto is incredulous about the whole situation. Though, there are still bits and pieces sprinkled throughout the manga to imply that Fujimoto might have budding feelings for her.
- My God, What Have I Done?: Yuri has a few of these, particularly whenever she's forced to confront that her self-martyring tendencies are making Aono feel the same way she'd feel if he hurt himself for her.
- Yuri also has one when she finds out that her suicide attempt was probably what brought Aono back as a corrupted spirit, thus transforming him from a kind person to something monstrous.
- Nightmare Sequence: Frequently. It's generally unclear to what extent they're the result of supernatural influences like Aono.
- In the Yotsukubi arc, each of the children and Yuri are all transported to worlds that seem to be perfectly in line with what they wish for the most...until the unnerving elements start to kick in.
- No Periods, Period: Averted. Yuri getting hers towards the end of the first chapter actually hinders Dark Aono's attempt to "go inside" of her.
- Open the Iris: A warning sign that Dark Aono has come out.
- Posthumous Sibling: Yuri is one. She tells Aono that she had an older brother that died when her older sister was little.
- Red Eyes, Take Warning: Played with. One of Yuri's bargains with Aono gives her permanent red eyes, but while they're associated with the terrifying Dark Aono, she remains a friendly and harmless person.
- Rule of Three: One of the rules when dealing with Aono's ghost seems to be that if you guess his identity wrong three times, he gets an "advantage" in any future bargains.
- She Is Not My Girlfriend: Fujimoto is forced to deal with this as rumors about him and Yuri begins to spread.
- Ship Tease:
- Despite Fujimoto being adamant about not getting with Yuri, there are various moments throughout the series that shows the two might be developing feelings for each other. Fujimoto outright admits to Aono in Chapter 28 that he likes Yuri, but doesn't want to go anywhere beyond where they are currently at.
- Chapter 14 heavily implies that Horie had developed a crush on Fujimoto.
- Surprisingly Realistic Outcome: Fujimoto is more realistic in his reactions to rumors and contrived scenarios that suggest a romance between him and Yuri; he's mostly just annoyed and shrug it off rather than act overtly embarrassed, even with the hints (and eventual confirmation) that he might actually be developing feelings for Yuri.
- Took a Level in Badass: Yuri gradually blossoms into a more outgoing, confident person over the course of the series, until she's finally able to start talking back when her mother and sister attempt to tear her down.
- Virgin Sacrifice: Yuri, Horie, and Fujimoto at one point theorize that Yuri might've accidentally offered herself as a sacrifice to Dark Aono and reach the point where they believe ridding her of her virginity might break the contract.
- What Have I Become?: Aono does not take well to being a malicious spirit who can at any point suddenly attempt to harm his loved ones.
- Yandere: Dark Aono takes on shades of this, including telling Yuri he deliberately pretended to disappear for a while because her distress and worry would make her think of him more, and asking her to kill Fujimoto to prove he's the one most important to her.
