Just For Fun / TV Tropes Additional Hero Vows Pod E

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401. If I encounter a, more or less, friendly form of Rutger Hauer, allow him to join the team.
402. If I encounter Chuck Norris, be sure to get him to join the group, even if it means handing over leadership to him.
403. If possible, try to recruit Jackie Chan to be part of the team.
404. An escape route is an escape route, no matter how inconvenient it is. However, if there is a more convenient way out of the Evil Overlord's fortress, I'll take it. This also applies to sewers.
405. Never insult the villain's animal companion. I don't want that panther to eat me.
406. One good thing about having friends who are able to watch your back, sometimes you can take the day off to go fishing. Even heroes need a mental break every now and then.
407. When we have the budget to build a sea vessel, the deck will be made of steel. There's plenty of better uses for wood and lead.
408. Have a good and reliable HR department. It can be very useful to prevent abuse of authority.
409. If I must shut the door to catch the thief, instead of locking myself in with the thief, I will stay outside and burn the house.
410. Being a Combat Pragmatist DOES NOT give me an excuse to commit war crimes. Using a ruse de guerre, however, is acceprable.
411. In the event that I have a headstrong son, or daughter, who thinks its a great idea to run away all the time, arrange for an undercover guard of a similar age to always be there with them, to act as a buddy, and to secretly protect them from harm.
412. Likewise, make sure that the local shopkeepers and restaurant owners, and other business people, know what my child looks like, so that when the guards are searching for them, the shopkeeper can quietly point out where my son, or daughter, went. This might also keep the more angry shopkeepers from making rash decisions that they might regret, like that one fella in Agrabah almost did — not that I blame him too much, given whom else was around.
413. Harlan Ellison is not to be ignored, no matter how annoying he may get.
414. I will only attempt to fight prophecies if I know I have at least a 99.9% chance of beating them. Otherwise, I will just let the prophecy run its course. Fighting it will only make it worse.
415. If I ever fall prey to nihilistic thinking, I will look up what nihilism actually is. That way I at the very least won't sound like an edgy 6th grader.
416. Regardless of how cynical or nihilistic I may be, I will not push my friends and companions away. Not only is it best to have multiple fighters on my side, I will likely need them for moral support.
417. Likewise, I will not push my friends and companions away to "protect" them. Especially if most of them can easily protect themselves.
418. If I'm a costumed superhero and the Venn-diagram of the associates of my secret identity and superheroic identity is a circle, I'll stop bothering with the whole secret identity altogether.
419. If I ever run into a genie the first thing I will ask for is the terms of service, in order to ascertain what kind of genie they might be. If that fails, I will just ask them outright.
420. Speaking of terms of service, I will always read the terms of service on anything I might sign, no matter how mundane. That way I'll know what I'm walking into.
421. Except for specific circumstances (such as rule 381) I will not get involved in profiling or any sort of Precrime Arrests. Minority Report proved why that's a bad idea.
422. Even if my main skills are combat-related, there's nothing wrong with picking up non-combat-related skills. After all, knowing how to cook and do first aid is very useful.
423. There is nothing wrong with having allies who aren't good at fighting. After all, someone who can use their eloquence to turn 100 potential enemies into 100 potential allies with a polite speech is probably more valuable than someone who just kills 10 potential enemies, turning the other 90 into Confirmed enemies.
424. There's nothing wrong with giving non-combat orientated allies some basic training on how to fight.
425. In the event I'm more of a physical sort of hero, who has been locked up by the Big Bad, only for some scrawny magic user, or thief-sort, to accidentally tunnel their way into my cell, I won't be too prideful to follow after them if they ask me if I'd be interested in getting out of the place — two heads are better than one.
426. In the event I pit my weakest forces against my enemy's strongest, at the very least, see to it that my force will stand a very good chance of holding out long enough until my strongest can help them out. Things like superior firepower and weaponry and armor and training, taking advantage of terrain, causing the enemy to lose heart, and other such things, will help my forces do this.
427. Likewise, be careful of my enemy pulling the same sorts of tricks on my strongest forces with their weakest.
428. If I am the God, or Spirit Advisor, whom the Hero turns to for guidance, mainly by asking me for advice, I shall speak as plainly as possible.
429. If I am the God or Spirit Advisor the Hero turns to for guidance, but there's something preventing me from giving him a straight answer — like another God or Spirit Advisor or certain rules I must follow due to such folk — I will have the decency to say, "Listen, due to certain things on my end, I'm unable to give you a straight answer. But, I can give you hints that I hope that you can solve."
430. Should a genie refuse to give me a straight answer upon asking for the terms of service, I shall force them to do so via a very carefully worded wish, even if I only get three wishes.
431. Any and all wishes I make will be checked over by my lawyer first for any exploitable loopholes. If I don't have a lawyer, I will get one.
432. If I can't be the hero that all the citizens adore, then I'll be the unsung anti-hero they deserve.
433. All janitors, maintenance workers, and other such non-combat personal who work at my base shall be instructed in basic hand-to-hand combat and be given basic firearm training (or sword and/or dagger training, if guns don't exist). They shall also carry a firearm on them at all times when working (again, if guns don't exist supplement this with a sword and/or dagger).
434. Be nice to genies that have done no wrong to me. That way, even if they are a Literal Genie they will see to it that wishes tend to be mostly in my favor, or at least help me rephrase the wish to avoid any issues with "Grey Areas".
435. I will never let a villain trick me into fighting them with a weapon I am not proficient with.
436. While being proficient in all weapons is preferable (as stated multiple times on this list) I will acknowledge that, no matter who or what I am, mastering every weapon truly is impossible.
437. After I have built my impressive base/mobile command center/spaceship/other I will use leftover funds to invest in leather seats.
438. So long as I have time I will never cut corners on anything. Sure it may get things done faster but it can also be extremely dangerous.
439. No matter how attractive they are, when an officer of the law is searching for a wanted criminal (possibly even myself), don't ask them for a date - they arrest such idiots for annoying them by calling it "Interfering in a Police Investigation." This holds double-true in Sci-Fi and Fantasy type settings.
440. Should a Law Enforcement Officer ask me out on a date, be very careful. This is especially true if we've just met - perhaps coffee or tea would be better to start with.
441. If I get a New Recruit, I will not immediately send them out with my Veteran forces - that would just get them killed too quickly. Instead, I'll see to it that they are trained up to acceptable standards, as well as being well equipped. After all, it's possible, with training, they'll learn useful abilities, especially in Fantasy, Sci-Fi and Science Fantasy settings.
442. If I'm a Heroic Thief, and my usual encounters with a certain officer, whom I enjoy playing games with, tend to involve them trying to arrest me - barring special situations where we have to team up - should another officer, assigned to be their partner, seem to be a little too helpful, be very careful. Record all encounters with this officer. It's possible that they are a corrupt cop who is not only out to get me, but is also the actual villain.
443. In the event that I'm a Heroic Thief, and I've been dating the officer who is after my thief persona, be very careful about mixing work with pleasure whenever they show up while I'm at the scene.
444. In the event the officer I've been dating has been captured, by all means, rescue them. Should said love interest figure things out during the rescue, or if my mask is torn off, tell them we'll discuss things once we're safe.
445. I shall make my sexuality clear to both my allies and enemies so as to avoid awkward situations in which someone who pines after me finds out our orientations are incompatible after asking me out or, even worse, after kissing me.
446. If I'm a Heroic Thief, and my on-again-off-again love interest is that officer who has been chasing me, there's nothing wrong with being their Informant. Might prove useful.
447. If I am a police officer, who has been chasing a Heroic Thief, only for said thief to offer to be an Informant, there's nothing wrong with taking them up on their offer. That being said, make sure that our relationship stays strictly professional.
448. I will never, ever wish that I was never the hero/chosen one/ruler/pop star/etc, whether I'm actively talking to a wish granting entity or not. The world resulting from this wish will inevitably be completely awful with the best case scenario being that my friends have all reverted back to how they were pre-Character Development and the worst case scenario being the entire world being a complete Crapsack World, possibly ruled by the Evil Overlord.
449. If, in battle, I am on the verge of being defeated and all seems lost, if I ever hear the Superman theme, any of Batman's themes, Godzilla's theme, the Rocky theme, He's A Pirate, Eye of the Tiger, Ai wo Torimodose, Stan Bush's The Touch, or Daigyakuten, Happily Ever After, Thrust Through the Heavens with Your Spirit!, (or similar iconic hero themes), I will stand firm and hold the line. Help is on the way.
450. In the event that I'm a normal human on a team of magic users, and we're up against an Evil Mage, or something similar, and they boast that no magic can harm them, while saying "Test me!", simply walk up to them, and boot them in the groin, then break their nose, and their fingers, and their jaw. After all, I don't need magic to defeat them.
451. If I'm looking for fellow heroes to recruit, and I see a battle-scarred candidate who looks the part, I will not ask them straight away. I will ask who gave them said scars. If the one who gave the scars is still around, I'll look into hiring them instead.
452. If I live in a world that has werewolves that are only killed by bullets and blades, and such made of silver, but lead and steel ones can knock the wind out of them in the event I don't have silver ones on me, I'll keep that in mind if I forget my silver ones. After all, if a shotgun blast can send the werewolf a dozen yards away, that's a dozen yards I can use to get close to my silver rounds. Likewise, my friends can use lead rounds to keep the werewolf pinned down long enough to load up my silver rounds.
453. If I'm an acrobatic thief sort following a target, and the target starts looking around, even though I'm up on the rooftops or wires, find a sign or something to hide behind - they might look upwards.
454. Even if I have a Thou Shalt Not Kill rule, nothing says that I must save an enemy, that is now in a perilous position, like hanging by one hand from a cable several hundred feet in the air, especially if they've repeatedly tried to kill me in the past. After all, it's not like I'll be the one killing them - that would be them impacting the ground that does the deed.
455. If I am a Superpowered Hero I will not run myself ragged stopping every little crime that pops up. The police are perfectly capable of doing their job and I should save my energy for the big villains. Plus, it helps me keep at least some semblance of a social life.
456. In the event that my vigilante group's gimmick is something sports related, like a team of hockey-playing alien ducks, then make sure that not only do I have enough for the regular team, but make sure that I have substitutes, not only for the sports team (who can wear costumes if need be), but also for combat missions, and if said substitute can do both, that's twice as good.
457. If I picked up the Master Sword or Infinity Sword during my last adventure, there'd better be a good reason as to why I'm starting off with a Wooden Sword during this adventure — got robbed, lost it, it was destroyed, I hid it someplace and lost the key for the locks I used, I'm nowhere near said awesome sword, I'm in a different location, it was confiscated by the guards, I sold it — just not simply not having the item will not cut it.
458. In the event that the cave holding the treasure I've been looking for, and have found, is collapsing, leave the place and be safe. Then, once the dust settles, pick up the appropriate tools and start digging. After all, I can only enjoy the treasure if I'm alive.
459. If I encounter John Wayne during my journey to recruit heroes, try to get him to join.
460. Likewise, if I find Clint Eastwood along the way, try to get him to join.
461. In fact, anyone that tends to play a Hero is worth looking into.
462. If I'm a Kid Hero, I will not loudly broadcast it out of frustration for being treated as Just a Kid or being given no respect for my deeds. Instead, I will use my youth and/or cuteness to deflect seriousness and suspicion off of me. This lets me maintain my personal life and means there will be less eyes on me when I have to go off and fight evil, which means less chance of my friends/family being targeted or being sidelined by meddlesome Moral Guardians.
463. On that note, if the Moral Guardians are unavoidable, confront them sooner rather than later and ask for their reasoning. Legitimate concerns can be worth hearing out, but if it simply boils down to "We must protect this child's sensibilities!" as expected, they are to be summarily ignored for the rest of the story.^note I'm doing the job the adults cannot do/should be doing. My sensibilities are LONG gone.
464. As with #462, don't broadcast my status as a Kid Hero to the villains either. When an armed man or otherwise notable hero rushes a villain, they usually respond with lethal force. When a rowdy child rushes a villain, they usually don't.
465. If I'm the Wise Beyond Their Years type of Kid Hero, I will think to put the spoils from my adventures towards their aftermath to avoid the sudden crippling lack of purpose in my life. I'll have a lot of life left to live compared to an older hero, so planning for the future after my journey ends is even more important.
466. If I'm the leader of The Team and the rest of the group is looking to dump off The Load, I will conduct a thorough review of the Load's skillset to make sure we're not actually Removing the Crucial Teammate.
467. If The Load does end up being a lost cause, I will not Break His Heart to Save Him or engage in a similar gratuitous farce to kick them out. It NEVER ends well. Instead, I will tell them the truth with all the honesty and care I can muster. If they still throw a major fit over it, we probably really were better off without them.
468. If one or two party members is being awfully pushy or disparaging towards The Load (or really, towards any party member in general), or if trauma is causing any party member to freeze up, all adventuring activities are to be put on hold until I find out why. Resolving internal conflicts is done more easily in the safety of a town rather than the depths of a dungeon.
469. If disposing of The Load within the dungeon was in fact their plan, I will immediately disband the party. Foiled or not, backstabbers always backstab again and any party with them is a disaster waiting to happen. Them trying to take revenge for it also gives me carte blanche to take them off the board however I see fit, as they aren't entitled to the same sympathy as their would-be victim.
470. If I find Giorno Giovanna, I will get him to join.
471. If I find Coco Martin, I will get him to join.
472. If I'm a ruler of a land plagued by giants (or other monsters), who hears about someone who "Slayed seven with one blow!", quietly ask the person why they got said title. After all, was it a bunch of giants they killed, or merely some flies, or, of course, giant flies?
473. If I find Goku, I will not let him join. He has risked the world countless times and fights involving him drag on for multiple episodes.
474. If I find Timmy Turner, Cosmo, and/or Wanda, I will not let any of them join. Timmy has risked the world countless times, Cosmo and Wanda are Idiot Balls with wands, and their magic is not worth the constantly miserable life necessary to keep them around. Nor do I want any villains using said magic against me.
475. If I find myself Summoned to Another World, I will not take the king or princess' word that there is no way back. They could be lying, or they may just not know.
476. If I find myself Summoned to Another World,I will not blindly accept what the king, princess, or any other member of the summoning government tells me. I will carefully and discretely research the situation for myself.
477. If I encounter any of the main characters of the Devil May Cry series, I will allow them to join.
478. I will not allow Discord to join. His presence has risked Equestria and its heroes multiple times, and I do not want to risk the villains using his power against me.
479. If I come across any of the main characters of the Mega Man franchise, I will allow them to join.
480. If a sword-swinging chick joins me in the third installment of a video game series that's quality over quantity, my time as the main character is coming to an end and I will hand leadership over to her.
481. If I am the subject of a prophecy where my own actions cause disaster, I will attempt to figure out how to stop this prophecy from being fulfilled. Learning what it actually entails is the first part, and then averting one of the key steps of it is also crucial.
482. If the Evil Overlord is known to rely upon help from others when he is in trouble, I will kill all known individuals who can help him before I challenge him.
483. If I need a MacGuffin to kill the Evil Overlord, I will attempt to locate it as soon as possible and put it in a secure location until I can use it. I don’t want the Evil Overlord to steal it or destroy it. If it’s more than one [MacGuffin], I’ll organize my allies to find it.
484. If a villain has a Healing Factor, I will find a way to circumvent it. Turning them into an animal always works, and so does burning them until they’re a pile of ashes. If my decision is to give them a No-Holds-Barred Beatdown, I will not stop until their neck breaks and they fail to fix it.
485. Perpetually barefoot girls are the most vulnerable. If one joins me, she will be required to wear shoes and get extra protection to prevent her from being turned into a monster or machine on the villains' side. Milla Basset was lucky she wasn't up against Copen.
486. The girls from Eternal Fighter Zero will not be allowed to join. They are extremely immature, useless in both combat and non-combat situations, they have very little depth, they are literally cursed, they cannot survive without me, each girl's arc allows for little interaction with other characters, the girls always disappear after their respective arcs end, and the girls are the cause of a lot of the toxic M.U.G.E.N drama.
487. If my entire existence has been a Forever War against a single villain, I will make plans for a life outside of said villain so I don't suddenly lack a purpose after said villain's Joker Immunity is revoked, especially if a new hero shows up to carry the future and finishes my job.
488. Recruiting a new member of my party will require that they have established a life and future beyond the main quest. Anyone whose whole existence is connected to the main quest will not be considered. If they're secretly the mastermind behind the whole mess, this will make them easier to catch. If they're a genuine good ally but bound to become an even bigger threat than the Disc-One Final Boss, this will make them easier to catch. Even if neither is true, they might as well start writing their will.
489. If a Gadgeteer Genius is on my side, I will have them replicate the De-Mat Gun.
490. I will allow the Jewelpets to join.
491. I will allow a reverse Knight of Cerebus to join, keep them around at all times, and not let them die, preventing things from getting too bleak for a happy ending.
492. If an ally turns out to be a straight Knight of Cerebus, all adventuring activities will be put on hold until I find out why.