Funny / Wyrd Sisters

  • Granny Weatherwax's trip to the theater, after refusing to admit that she doesn't quite get the concept.
    Someone tapped Granny on the shoulder and a voice said, 'Madam, will you kindly remove your hat?'

    Granny turned around very slowly on her stool, as though propelled by hidden motors, and subjected the interrupter to a hundred kilowatt diamond-blue stare. The man wilted under it and sagged back on to his stool, her face following him all the way down.

    'No,' she said.
    • There's a nice Call-Back to this many books later in Maskerade, where another man asks Granny the same in the Opera House and she shrugs and does so — he's fated to die the next day, so it's the least she can do.
      • Possibly made even funnier when she admits to Nanny that she didn't warn him because she could be wrong.
    • It's tempting to write "all of the play" but special mention must go to:
    Granny: What's he on about now?
    Margat: He's saying how sorry he was that the other man's dead.
    Margat: Well, it's a bit complicated—
    Granny: It's shameful! And the poor dead thing still lying there!
    • Also, when the play ends.
    Granny: He done it! We all seed him! He done it with a dagger!
  • The bit about apple-peeling.
    First, [Magrat] had to find out his name. The old peel-the-apple trick should do that. You just peeled an apple, getting one length of peel, and threw the peel behind you; it'd land in the shape of his name. Millions of girls had tried it and been inevitably disappointed, unless the loved one was called Scscs.
  • Death plays himself in a play... and gets stage fright, since he's not used to people being able to see him.
    • He also does a tapdance.
  • Lord Felmet acting like a ghost while Death keeps trying to convince him that he's still alive. When Felmet finally asks Death why he's hanging around if he's not dead, he gets one word in response: Waiting.
  • The monolith that hides from people. Although there is only one of it, its magical power is that it is uncountable.
  • "Is that a dagger I see before me?" "Um, no, sire, it's a handkerchief. You can tell the difference if you look closely. Not as many sharp edges."
  • For that matter, all the parodies of Shakespearean dialogue. "There is a knocking without!" "...Without what?" "A knocking without the door, idiot." "A knocking without a door? This isn't some kind of Zen, is it?"
  • The demon summoning scene is funny enough in the book, but gets really funny in the Animated Adaptation, with the demon (easily the best-animated character in the entire adaptation) speaking in a deep, dark and gravelly voice for at first, only to switch over to a high-pitched Luvvie voice when Granny tells him to stop mucking about.
    • When the demon reveals its name, which is pretty much a mass of consonants (that Granny still manages to pronounce perfectly, with only a little hesitation!) Nanny has this to say: "Where were you when the vowels were being handed out? Behind the door?"
  • When the actors in the play the Duke commissioned start forgetting their lines, Tomjon briefly worries he's going to have to do the rest of the play by himself, including a climactic duel with him dramatically parrying his own blows and stabbing himself to death.
  • The witches trying to guide Tomjon's caravan into Lancre by posing as "humble old wood gatherers" complete with Bad "Bad Acting". The best part is when the actors decide that they have to offer each "wood gatherer" food due to Sacred Hospitality, but only have salt pork which neither Granny nor Magrat want. By the time they reach Nanny Ogg, an annoyed Hwel greets her with "It's salt pork, take it or leave it!" before she says anything.
    • They also watch over the caravan on its way up to the mountains, protecting it from bandit attacks and the like. Of course, they do things their way, resulting in things like a bandit leader being brained by a milk jug dropped from the stratosphere
  • This little exchange:
    Magrat: We can't let this happen. If this gets about, witches'll always be old hags with green blusher.
    Nanny Ogg: And meddlin' in the affairs of kings. Which we never do, as is well known.
    Granny Weatherwax: It's not the meddlin' I object to. It's the evil meddling.
    Magrat: And the unkindness to animals. All that stuff about eye of dog and ear of toad. No-one uses that kind of stuff.
    Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg carefully avoided one another's faces.
  • Magrat's reaction to Felmet's accusations: "We live in harmony with the great cycles of Nature, and do no harm to anyone, and itís wicked of them to say we donít. We ought to fill their bones with hot lead!" When shocked Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg question her, she admits she found the spell some time ago and was looking for chance to try it ever since.
  • The Duke and Lady Felmet threatening a completely nonplussed Nanny Ogg with torture.